(Closed) What ever happened to congratulations?

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Congratulations!! 🙂

that sucks that those people have been less that enthusiastic. Sounds like a case of the green eyed monster to me. Ignore their negativity and just be happy in the knowledge that you’re going to marry your guy and enjoy planning for YOUR wedding 🙂

Post # 4
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

Traditionally, you are only supposed to congratulate the future groom, not the future bride. However, that tradition is pretty much dead. Congratulations are in order, and even if one were following that tradition, it’s definitely a moment where something nice to say would be in order.

Post # 6
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m so sorry no one seems to be happy for you! Congratulations to you both! Have fun planning. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I haven’t had too many reactions from people that I thought were surprising.  I have been really touched by the people who surprised me (in a good way) though; most of my good friends and my bridesmaids have all been really supportive, and my mom has been mostly supportive and not as critical as I thought she would be.

One former bridesmaid and one woman I had considered asking to be a bridesmaid disappointed me though.  The former bridesmaid is documented quite extensively here as her behavior was extremely frustrating to deal with.  She’s no longer in the bridal party and I don’t consider her a friend; it was just one of those friendships that ran its course and I didn’t realize it. 

The other woman I considered asking was pretty nonchalent about not meeting up when we had the opportunity to (she lives halfway across the country and had brought her new boyfriend into town).  So, if it’s not a big deal to not being able to catch up for a half hour over coffee, it must not be a big deal to not include her in the wedding party or planning.

As far as including or not including people on the guest list, for my Fiance and I, we are pretty much only inviting our closest friends and family.  There will be very few people on either side that have not met both of us or hung out with on occasion.  If you’re having a big wedding I think you can be more “permissive” with who gets invited since they likely won’t show up anyway.

Post # 8
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sevenlove:  Congratulations!!

Some people are just rude and/or bitter. I have a cousin who I am very close to who seems to question EVERYTHING about my SO, even though he is the nicest, smartest man I’ve ever known and literally our entire family fell in love with him from the get-go. But I said I was moving in with him and she was all “What? Why?”… that we had discussed marriage and she said “You want to MARRY him?” with a disgusted tone. Yeah. I have NO clue why but I just decided not to talk to her about him anymore and we’re slowly drifting apart. I ain’t got time to figure out everyone else’s issues.

Post # 9
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

Congrats!! I think the people that are jealous are the ones trying to rain on your parade. Just ignore them and cut out the negative from your life. If you are surrounded by happiness then you two will be happier and you won’t have to stress about those who are just jealous. 

Post # 10
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Congrats to you both!  It’s amazing how many people will start ‘helpfully’ providing you with unwanted advice the second they hear about the engagement.  Start practicing the smile and nod now, followed by ‘Oh, I’ll keep that in mind’, or a similar non-committal phrase.  And then promptly ignore them. 

Post # 13
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I had always heard that people could get a little wierd when other people get engaged but I didn’t really get it until it happened to us. My fiances sister made it all about her. Fortunately, that was the worst of it.

I’m not sure how the full conversation went with your fiend, but it sounds like she was just trying to look out for you, in her own way. Obviously you don’t agree with her and you wouldn’t have made this choice irrationally, but some people just don’t get it. I would try talking to her at least one more time after you’ve had a little break from that talk and ask her to simply support you and if she can’t do that, maybe then you’ll have to let go. It seems like when its time to get married everyone always wants to put their two cents in. My fiancé and I are in our mid-thirties and we’ve been living together for 10 years. But it seems like even people who are younger or have less relationship experience, still feel like they have to make sure we know what we’re getting ourselves into!! Strange….

Post # 14
Hostess
8576 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I really haven’t had anyone congratulate me, aside from fi’s family and the bees.

That’s sad isn’t it?

It’s not surprising – my family are very unemotional. They don’t like being around each other, they never say I love you, or even do nice things for another. My family is filled with selfish snobs.

I grew up like this – My mother never told me she loved me until I left to visit california at TWENTY THREE years old. She also said she was holding my dog hostage so I came back.

I just don’t even both to tell people i’m engaged anymore. Here are the last 3 people I told :

1. My mother

Her reaction : “I told you when you were younger that I wouldn’t have money for a wedding.”.

My reaction : “I understand.. I’ll pay for it on my own”.

Her reply : “Oh, then we’ll have a backyard wedding!”

My reaction : “No, I want an actual wedding, in a venue.. with photography.”

Her reply : Yell

 

2. My aunt & uncle –


We “techinically” live with my parents. We had our own place, but my mother couldn’t pay the bills, so we agreed to move in & help out. We pay half of everything [except for cable, because we don’t use it].

His reaction – “When are you going to move out of your parents house?”

My reaction – “Why does that have anything to do with being engaged?”

His reply – “Well, you still live at home”

My reply – “Um.. okay.. we plan to get our own home after we get married..”

 

3. My grandmother –

When I told her she just stared at me blankly, then asked to see the ring. She stared at it for alike 2 seconds, and then said, “Oh”.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@sevenlove:  CONGRATS!!! Woot woot! Smile I think it’s normal to have some people, or at least one person who says dumb stuff when you get engaged. They usually fall into one of two categories (and sometimes they can be in both categories at the same time): 1. People who are genuinely concerned whether you’re making the right decision and 2. people who are jealous. I wouldn’t necessarily suggest cutting the people who said stuff to you out of your life until you can figure out where they’re coming from. But then again sometimes jealous people end up getting over it and acting a lot nicer after they get the sting out of their system, so maybe give it some time. And congrats again!

Post # 16
Member
5189 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

@sevenlove:  Congratulation! You must be so excited! Ignore the snarky remarks from your friends. It’s your wedding, not theirs. Take the high road and invite them. If they don’t want to attend that’s their loss. I’m sure it’ll be beautiful!

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