(Closed) What exactly do you expect from your Bridesmaids?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I only expected them to show up. Their wedding attire was pretty relaxed so even if they showed up in something we didn’t “decide” on I wouldn’t have cared. I literally only “demanded” that they show up. Nothing else.

Post # 4
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I expect my BM’s to purchase the dress that we have all picked out and approved. Get a pair of shoes that kind of matches what color I choose/ style (but they don’t have to be a specific pair). 

We are doing each others hair and we’re doing each others make-up. 🙂 We might go to a salon for the hair, if so, my two sisters will be paying for themselves and I will pay for my other Bridesmaid or Best Man from college who is really low on money. 

Other than that, they have to show up at the rehearsal dinner and the ceremony. 

Post # 5
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014


1) To come with me to choose their dress

2) To come with me to get the alterations done on their dress

3) To arrive on the venue at the time I ask on the day of the wedding (around 9am; think they’re planning on staying the night before with me though), to walk down the aisle with me, and to be in photos of the bridal party.


That is literally it. We’ve paid for their dresses, so there is no cost to them; and I am not expecting them to be excited about the wedding, or to get involved in planning/DIY etc. As it is, they’re all very excited, but I certainly didn’t expect that, and when it comes to planning etc, no way would I expect them to give up their time to help.

Post # 6
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrsEME:  They came dress shopping with me because everyone’s schedules worked out, but it wouldn’t have been a big deal if they couldn’t make it.  They were going to pick whatever dress style they wanted and order it online, but I could never find the right colour.  When my mom was on vacation she saw a cute dress that she thought would look nice (at an interior design store!) so I sent them pictures and they all loved the dress so she bought them.  I now expect nothing else from them until the day of the wedding.

We are spread out so a shower/bachelorette is not really going to be easy but if they want to do it and finds a day it works out that would be great.  I guess if I have a freak out moment down the line it would be nice to have them to talk to about it, but I am pretty laid back so not predicting anything like that to happen.

Post # 7
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I don’t think I “expect” a whole lot… They’re going to be purchasing the dress, but they get to choose style. They’re all under $200. The shoes are just brown cowboy boots, so they all have those. If they decide to purchase a new pair, that’s completely their decision. All I want is for them to be there, be sober for pictures in the beginning and have a great time… Maybe assist me with potty breaks and whatnot… (LOL!) I’m thinking I’ll pay for their hair the day of as part of their gifts. 🙂

Post # 8
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Pay for accomodations and flights to my Destination Wedding ($1900)

Pay for their dress ($300)

Show up with their hair done. I’m thinking updo. And they can pay someone or do it themselves.

I may buy them shoes.. I havn’t decided yet.. But I would like them to match and not be heels, because I’m 5’1″.

ETA: I also expect them to plan a bachelorette party for me, even if all we do is head out to the bar I’d be happy with that 🙂



Post # 9
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I expect(ed) them to be there if I have a meltdown and not let me go crazy.  They keep me grounded

Post # 10
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

We had two attendants, our maid of honor (my daughter) and our dude of honor (my son).  Since it was just one male and one female attendant, we didn’t even need them to match, so we just told them to show up and wear something nice.  Bonus points for helping get the synagogue ready on the day of the ceremony.


Post # 11
3215 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MrsEME:  I have two best girlfriends, and would be honoured to have them spend time with me on the day of my wedding. I just got engaged two days ago, so nothing is set in stone, but the full cost of their attire/shoes/hair/makeup/accomodations will be in my wedding budget. I just want them to come with me and pick whichever dress they like (that are cohesive), pick shoes, and then spend time with me the day of the wedding while we get ready. 

I know the general sentiment is that it is an honour to be in a bridal party and stand up for the bride, but since my bridal party will be my two very best friends, I consider an honour to just have them in my life. I know they would go to the ends of the earth to make my day special, even if it meant experiencing hardship themselves, and because of that, I want to make sure that they have no expenses or stress leading up to the wedding. I just want them to show up and be there as witnesses!

Post # 12
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I expect: 1) Come to wedding – sort of destination for all of them (between 3-8 hours of driving)

2) Purchase $80 bridesmaid dress 

3) Attend bridal shower hosted by my mother (if schedule permits- not all live in my hometown)

4) Attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner 

5) Pay for overnight accomodations

Post # 13
1833 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Diamondgurl:  I agree. I mostly expect them to be there for me in case I have a last minute freak out/crisis. We are paying for their dress and hair/makeup because they are already paying so muh to come to our Aruba wedding. They can wear whatever shoes and jewellery that they like.

Post # 14
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I love my friends and my sisters. So I want my wedding to be a reason for us to get together and be happy–NOT a reason for them to go into debt or feel stress. I absolutely expect these things:

1. Buy the bridesmaid dress of their choice in a certain color and length.
2. Pay to get the dress altered, if need be, at the tailor of their choice.
3. Buy shoes in any metallic color and style they like.
4. Show up, have fun, take pictures with me, and help me get ready the day of the wedding.
5. I expect the girls who live in town to come to my bachelorette party. It’s going to be a laid-back evening at a swanky wine/tapas bar in a price range that isn’t prohibitive. They can indulge as much or as little as they like. The girls who live out of town may not be able to travel, and that’s okay. They have full lives, and it’s expensive to travel. 

I offered my bridesmaids the option of doing their own hair and makeup, or paying $50 for professional services.

I didn’t *expect* them to throw a shower, but two of my bridesmaids who are roommates are throwing a shower for me at their house next month, and I’m so excited about it. Two other showers are being held for me by other people. I invited them, but I don’t *expect* them to attend because they may have work conflicts, childcare issues, etc. None of them can come to my work shower, and that’s fine.

Post # 15
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

1. Come to the dress shopping and all fittings – come prepared with correct shoes, bra, support garments, etc.

2. Attend the rehearsal if possible.

3. Be prepared to spend the entire wedding day with the Bridal Party – hair appt is in the morning, and I want everyone together from the start so there are no mix-ups or people running late.

4. Behave appropriately during all wedding-related events. It’s ok if you can’t make a shower/party/rehearsal (etc) but if you ARE there, don’t be drunk, watch your language, be dressed appropriately. (You’d think this would go without saying, but I felt it was better to say it anyway, just for the sake of clarification.)

5. Keep all wedding details off of social media. No photos, no videos, no discussions. Definitely no drama of any kind to be deal with on FB, Twitter, etc.

That was really it. I had very little DIY, and my Mom and I handled that. My BMs have been really supportive, and except for one (somewhat sizeable) hiccup of drama with one Bridesmaid or Best Man, things have been smooth.

I think where people hit the snags is if they expect/demand way too much time and/or money out of their BMs. It’s hard, but you have to remember that everyone else has their own things going on at the same time, and you shouldn’t be offended that they don’t attend your envelope-stuffing-party or your labels-on-wine-bottles “girls’ night.”

I would say, whatever your expectations are, be upfront and clear from day 1. Good communication is going to help you avoid the common problems.

Post # 16
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsEME:  I think my requests were

Blue dress

Show up

But my Maid/Matron of Honor was my 20 year old sister, and my Bridesmaid or Best Man was my 38.5 weeks pregnant SIL!

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