Post # 1
This seems to be one of the biggest sources of strife in the whole wedding planning thing.
We choose our BM’s because they are already close friends…so we assume that they will help with the planning and continue to do other things that good friends would.
But so many brides end up having major issues with their bridesmaids, usually based on misunderstandings of what is expected of a bridesmaid, so under the premise that it is rude to withdraw ANY invitation…
What MUST a bridesmaid or maid-of-honor do in order to NOT be kicked out of the wedding?
Post # 3
Why is not sleep with the groom on the list?
Seriously that shouldn’t be there. Isn’t it expected for all the Bridesmaid or Best Man to test out the groom before the big day?
In all seriousness, all I expected from them was to buy a dress (I let them choose the style and I just nodded lol). And show up on the day. I would love if they planned a bachelorette party (which as of right now sounds like it will be a bake off 😐 ) and maybe plan a shower (which I don’t think they will do).
Post # 3
and of course be mental support … help me not cry lol
Post # 4
ETA: I voted for 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7. However, I may have higher standards for my girls because we’re all so close (they are all my very best friends- 3/4 being relatives)!
Post # 5
@tranquility: LOL .
Some of these things were kind of wishy washy for me. If a bridesmaid can’t make it into town for the rehearsal dinner because of a flight being delayed, or not being able to get out of work, I totally understand. If she would just rather watch re-runs of “Lost,” I would be pretty sad.
Same goes for the bachelorette and bridal shower. I’d like them to be there, I understand if they have more important things going on, but I would be sad if they just ditched.
Post # 6
My bridesmaids needed to buy or acquire somehow a dress in the color I specified. I didn’t care what shoes they chose to wear with it and I bought them the jewelry. They needed to show up! That was REALLY important! lol And they were both an ear for my wedding plans immigration journey etc.
Other then that? I had no other requirements!
ETA: Erm… well and not sleep with my husband, but I already knew that wasn’t going to happen.
Post # 7
@red_rose:Honestly I only ask that they show up to important appointments. Dress fittings, rehearsal, and of course the big day. I picked out their dresses, they can choose their hairstyle, shoes (I specified color, that’s’ it) and I bought them jewelry as a gift.
Anything else like showers, parties, help with wedding decor or plans, and all the other stuff is just a bonus to me. And emotional support would be a nice bonus too!
Um, yeah pretty sure if they were the type of person to try and sleep wth my groom we wouldn’t have been friends up to this point.
Post # 8
I clicked the obvious ones…show up to the wedding, rehearsal dinner, and not sleep with the groom.
Most of these choices depend on each bridesmaid’s situations in life too…long distance, full plate, ect.
My girls purchased their own dresses but I provided their hair and make-up, as well as gifted them jewelry to wear the day of. I also went with them so they could all pick out a dress that they thought was flattering for them as long as it was in my color choice.
Everything else I didn’t really expect much of…they were all my good friends so they came to my shower and offered to help on their own. Some more than others, but I just didn’t really give them any expectations as far as helping me with DIY projects and stuff because most of them work and go to school full time.
Other: I casually asked them if they wouldn’t mind being enthusiastic/help kick the reception party off if need be. Guests ended up dancing all night anyways, but I was paranoid (for no reason) that no one was going to have fun at the wedding! I’m still glad I asked them anyways.
Post # 9
I just assumed the not sleep with the groom thing was a joke attempt/checking to see who’s paying attention. lol.
Post # 10
Funny that theres more votes for “show up to wedding” than “not sleep with the groom”. =)
Post # 11
Well, for all my Bridesmaid or Best Man it is show up, decently groomed in the dress color we discussed on the wedding day and smile. And be at the rehersal. If they can come to bachalorette/showers that would be great too. My Maid/Matron of Honor is a psycho planner like I am so she is helping, bounce ideas around with her, invites and I think she is having a shower for me in our college town where we all live during school.
Post # 12
@als87:I think I’ve seen emotional threads where the OP is like, “I just found out one of my bm’s slept with my fiance a few months ago! He promises it will never happen again… can I kick her out?”
ok, maybe I’m making that up, but still…
Post # 13
i expect my BMs to do the following
- buy their dress
- wear any style shoes in the right color
- be available the day before for rehearsal
- join me for the hotel sleepover the night before
- do their own hair, any style as long as its an updo.
- Dont stress me out with unncessary complaints!!!
I didnt have them come along dress shopping, they didnt do any DIYs, I didnt ask for back party, I didnt plan any showers or ask for any. I really tried to make it very easy for them.
Post # 14
The only thing I truly “expect” from them is to show up on the day of the wedding and wear a coordinating dress that we picked out together. Other things I would like them to help with, and I picked my girls specifically because I love them and want them specifically to help, would be: dress and other shopping (for DIY stuff, accessories, etc.); physical tasks like helping with DIY stuff, logistics on the wedding day, set-up/tear-down, etc.; and throwing/helping throw the shower.
Post # 15
I think asking them to do something is completely different than threatening to kick them out if they don’t do that same thing! (which I’ve seen people asking about on wedding forums…) Especially cuz when you ask them to do these things, it will probably also be coming from a more, “hey, since you’re my friend would you be able to…”