(Closed) What exactly offends you about giving cash?

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 17
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Darling Husband and I preferred cash a million times over tangible gifts so I don’t get offended if a couple ‘prefers’ to get cash. I just think it’s rude to instruct guests about what an ‘acceptable’ gift is, since it should really be up to the guest herself.

Post # 18
Member
10363 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@JennyW1: Sooooo I’m supposed to wait until i’m 27 and married to buy dishes, a vacuum cleaner, blender, basic kitchen tools just because you think I should only let people buy them for me for my wedding? Um, NO. I think the trending towards cash is the acknowledgement that people get married LATER these days, and are already established. So instead of buying them things they already have (because I was an adult FIRST, married SECOND – my marriage does not validate my adulthood), you contribute towards their future together, which for most people, includes buying a home and travel.

Post # 19
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@crayfish: You might be right that it’s a trend relating to later marriages–I can definitely see that. I didn’t mean to imply that you aren’t an adult until you are properly married–absolutely one is an adult as an individual. And no, certainly you’re not supposed to live for years without dishes! Certainly not.

But it still doesn’t mean that I should feel compelled to give you money towards buying a house. Or paying for a vacation. Or repairing your roof. Those are your responsibilities as an adult.

 

Post # 20
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think the offense is in the presumption, as others have said.  “I’m getting married, you can write the check to …” is what’s tacky.  So is “I’m getting married, here is where you can buy me something!” In My Humble Opinion.

Several friends wrote in their invitation something along the line of: “Your presence on our special day is all we’d ever want, but if you insist on giving us a gift, we’d prefer…”

While this is not following etiquette, I didn’t find it offensive at all.

Post # 21
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I know which I want…and it’s deinitely the cash. Fiance and I both have apartments away from each other with our own sets of everything. And like OP have said, I hate clutter. I hate getting little things that I will never use, that I can never return sitting around my house. Yes, I regift…or donate, but I think a gift should be practical…and if it’s practical for the couple to receive cash, well…let them have it!

And I think most couples, I hope, will understand if you don’t have a lot to give. At least, I would be.

 

Post # 22
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I wanted cash waaaay more than gifts at our wedding. And this may be rude, but I took off most things on our registry that hadn’t been purchased a few days before the wedding so that people wouldn’t just buy stuff off the registry and bring it to the wedding. Not only is cash better for us, but it would have been difficult to transport 150 gifts back to the hotel that night. I don’t really get people who don’t want to give cash…even with all the reasons listed about. To me, cash is obviously going to be more useful for a couple, and so it makes the most sense. I don’t have a problem with them using that cash for a home, for the honeymoon, or to pay off credit card debt. I’ve never heard a couple “request” cash, as in “In stead of gifts, we would like you to bring cash to the wedding.”

Post # 23
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think giving cash or wanting cash is tacky or offensive. What is tacky and offensive if ASKING for cash. or anything for that matter. I have mixed feelings about registries for this very reason.

Post # 25
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I definitely prefer to give and receive tangible gifts for big events like graduations, weddngs, etc. Frankly, we’ve been married just a month now and I haven’t the foggiest memory of who the pile of wedding checks came from, and well, we used that stack of cash to pay off our credit cards that included honeymoon expenses and everyday stuff like groceries. Thanks Uncle Bob (or was it Aunt Sue?) for buying our frozen pizza this month. It was not especially satisfying.

I do remember, however, the things like a set of wine glasses and a cheese board from two friends who always used to go to wine tastings with me in college, and I’ve been mixing up a storm in the new KitchenAid Pro that my aunts and uncles on the other side gave us. Darling Husband got tools from a buddy who he helped remodel a house with. There was thought put into the gifts, and memories we’ll keep with them as long as we have them.

But, to each their own…just my 2 cents! I do get offended if people ask for cash or gifts in their invites, etc. — I don’t want to be told how I should choose to honor this big event in your life!

Post # 26
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would never turn my nose at cash!  I think what bothers people is more the fact that someone is requesting a certain gift when maybe the receiving of a gift shouldn’t be assumed. 

Post # 27
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree its the couples who demand cash that bother me.  I had a family member who had their wedding after 8 years of being together and 3 childern who had a website for their cash gifts.  The invite was very specific and there was actually a minimum cash amount for the gift.  I found it very TACKY.  On the other had my Boyfriend or Best Friend is asian and it is customary to give a red evelope with money and the amount depends on how close you are.  I did research and although she NEVER specifically asked for cash or any gift I gave a red evelope with $600.  I saved for months but in her culture I learned that was typical for how close we are. 

Post # 28
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m with Madras.  I like the idea of a couple actually thinking about me occasionally when they use their dishes or glassware or whatever.  But cash?  I just envision that going into a general account and being used for something like toilet paper or trash can liners.  Not exactly exciting or romantic.  So that’s why I choose to give tangible gifts (although I admit, I have occasionally given a gift card to a store where the couple registered if I couldn’t find anything on the registry that fit my price range).

Of course, I won’t be offended if people give cash.  And hey, to each her own–give whatever you feel comfortable giving!

Post # 29
Member
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont understand why people keep saying “I want cash”  Its not about what you want, but instead what the guests want to give you. Would you ordinarily walking around asking people for money? Why do people think that having a wedding autmotically means you deserve cash? Honestly if you want cash that badly then dont have a big deal wedding that costs 20,000. Just have a simple civil ceremony and keep all that xtra cash in your pocket. You have a wedding because you want it, the guests dont ask you to have a big wedding so why should you ask them what to gift you?

Post # 30
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@bells: None of these posters are saying that they’re going to ask for cash, but why is it wrong to be honest about what we would prefer, since that’s what this post is talking about? not to mention, not everyone who wants cash NEEDS it to pay for the wedding or honeymoon. Darling Husband and I paid everything off that we needed to, and our cash that we received as gifts is going in the bank and toward a variety of other things.

Post # 31
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

@ JennyW1 – I’m not trying to start an argument, but I don’t really think I get what you are saying, so I’d like a little more clarification.  Personally, I wouldn’t write please give cash on my invitations, but when people directly ask me where I’m planning on registering I tell them that I’m not.  We don’t really need anything that can be bought directly.  While you said you don’t like the thought of financing someone’s wedding/honeymoon/house repairs, how is buying their china/towels/cookware any different?

I don’t think I really understand your comment of “because in my head it’s like, "stop buying so much stuff and you might have money for a vacation/home repairs/down payment."”  My Fiance and I have lived together for about 4 years and bought a house together almost 2 years ago.  While I would have liked to save all the purchases I’ve made over the years for my wedding registry, I needed pans for cooking and plates for eating 4 years ago, so I bought them.

Personally, registering for more cookware and dishes would be rather silly at this point because I already have a serviceable set and I can’t help but feel that registering for fine china and Le Creuset cookware would be hard on guests also because I already have all the low/mid priced items I need.  The only things left to buy would be expensive upgrades of what we already have.

So while I don’t want to offend my guests, I don’t want to send them into sticker shock over $200 frying pans and expensive place settings.

I think the registry/cash question is only going to get more difficult as more couples cohabitate or live apart from their parents before they marry.

So for the anti-cash people let me ask you a question.  If you were a guest and you only had $25 to spend on a gift would you rather just put the $25 in a nicely written card or buy what would essentially equal 1 plate of a place setting off of a registry?

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