(Closed) What exactly offends you about giving cash?

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 32
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s not giving cash that offends people; it’s when someone flat-out asks for cash that is rude.

Post # 33
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with Madras.  I would prefer gifts because I’m sentimental like that.  

Nothing offends me about giving (or receiving cash).  I agree with other posters that I get put off by requests for cash.  If I ask what the person would prefer (gift or cash) and they say cash, I’ll take that into consideration.  

I have to be honest.  I came across my first honeyfund request recently and I didn’t like it. I’m not sure why.  I think that there was some…frustration because my FH and I aren’t going anywhere that requires a plane or is expensive because we can’t afford it, but yet I was being asked to pay for a couple’s massage.  It just didn’t sit right with me and I’m not sure why, entirely.  We still gave the couple what they wanted…I would love to get my china, so I figured I can’t request that and not give them what THEY registered for, even if it wasn’t my cup of tea.

Post # 34
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@ArwenBride: But when you get married, people will give you things or give you money that they perhaps would  not buy for themselves…that’s what a gift is. It doesn’t seem fair to not give a couple what they request simply because of jealousy that you can’t have it yourself, which it seems like you realize as well.

@abbyful: It seems like people also don’t seem to like it when it is implied that couples would prefer cash, such as when they don’t register. That’s not an outright request for anything, and yet people seem to get offended and say, “I’m going to get them a vase anyway, just to show them!”. I don’t understand that.

Post # 35
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@IAmLemondrop:  I know you didn’t address me (and I may be in the minority as I just butt in) but I would rather have the plate.  ๐Ÿ™‚

But again, it’s about knowing your audience.  I live with my FH, but we don’t have all the china, flatware, towels, etc. so we registered for them.  I wouldn’t go out and buy fine china for myself…but it is a lovely wedding present.  To be honest, my mom just threw some towels away a couple of years ago that my parents have had since they were married…in 1977.  I personally grew up with my mom saying at family dinners “That plate was given to us by (insert name) at our wedding.”  I’m looking forward to doing the same.

That being said, I’m extremely grateful for any gift…cash, registry, or otherwise.

Post # 36
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We are considering a “wishing well” wedding aka money/monetary gift….mainly because we have been together for 6 years and live together, we have all the regular registry stuff and want to now buy a house. If we were just moving in together and didn’t accumulate anything then sure I woul dthink to even register. But what can someone really get me for my house when we already have china, vacuums and every other typical wedding registered gift.

I see where people are coming from about the “being asked for cash thing” but most of those in our lives who are invited would ask themselves why would we register too….

Post # 37
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@ArwenBride: But if you were a GUEST, which would you feel more comfortable giving–one plate, or $25??

Post # 38
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I personally haven’t ever seen people comment that not registering is tacky. Not registering is fine (but be prepared to get a bunch of stuff you don’t want because people will want to get you something, and many people prefer to give an actual item as a gift because they feel it is more personal).

Saying “cash gifts prefered/only” is when it is tacky and rude.

Examples:

Tactful:
“We’re registered at stores X and Y, and we’re also saving for Z.”

Rude:
“We’re registered at stores X and Y, but we prefer cash”
“We didn’t register because we want cash”

 

And NEVER put in writing that you want cash.

Post # 39
Member
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@hilsy85: and @IAmLemondrop: I’d feel way more comfortable buying the plate.

Post # 40
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@hilsy85: Agreed…Which is why we paid for their day trip.  ๐Ÿ™‚  My reaction was completely irrational and I totally own that.

It didn’t sit well with me, just like (perhaps) my $150 place settings doesn’t sit well with some members of my FH family.  Different strokes for different folks.

Things change.  My mom was always anti-registry because she was pretty old-school.  Then my sister got married and she changed her tune.  Now she’s fully on board with registries, etc.  

I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with saying, if asked, “we would prefer money towards a house”…it’s the same as saying “The bride and groom are registered at such and such a place”.  People can choose to get you whatever they’d like or nothing at all. I wouldn’t say I wanted cash, but I wouldn’t be offended if someone did.

Having your own wedding really makes you THINK about this stuff…and, I think, makes you more understanding towards other peoples’ choices.

Post # 41
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

@bells: I’m going to have to disagree with your comment there. “guests dont ask you to have a big wedding so why should you ask them what to gift you?”  Umm, actually I’ve had several people ask if they were invited, so in a way all these people are asking me to have a big wedding because each ‘Am I invited’ that I give into expands my guest list a little bit more.

But aside from that, do you not like registries either?  Because you are specifically going to a store and making a list of everything you want, so if you follow the registry, you are telling people what to get you.

Registries are considered traditional now, but is anyone offended at the idea of a registry also?

Post # 42
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@abbyful: I don’t think anyone would argue with you that saying “We’d like cash, please” is rude! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 43
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@IAmLemondrop: Read my response to crayfish above–she asked the same question about the pots and pans.

To answer your other question, if I had $25, I would buy your single place setting off the registry. I’m not quite sure if you intended this, but you seem to imply that purchasing a single place setting off a registry is somehow strange? I’ve purchased two dinner plates before off a registry–piecemeal purchases of china aren’t that uncommon.

But I also think that you’re right: if you really have everything you need and can’t think of a single thing that you want, then don’t register for the sake of registering. But don’t be surprised if you register for cash/honeyfund whatever and there are a few people who don’t participate in it–most will because as we’ve seen, plenty of people don’t have a problem with cash gifts. But I happen to be one of those who object to it–particularly asking for cash in any form–for the reasons above and probably wouldn’t participate. Luckily, it hasn’t come up for me yet that I’m attending a wedding and have been asked ONLY for cash, and that’s something I would probably not worry about until it does happen. When I think about my very close friends, I have to say that writing them a check for their weddings seems odd to me, in the same way that if they gave ME a check, I’d be grateful, but I’d still find it a bit strange. But perhaps that’s just the relationship I have with them and the cultural biases I grew up with.

I think that in this case, people will simply have to agree to disagree–there are people who will have no problem giving cash and that’s fine. But there are also people who dislike the practice and I think that perspective should also be heard. Chances are, most of us will have a mixture of both philosophies present at our own weddings, so it’s good to get a sense of how people feel–I suspect some bees may be rethinking asking for cash outright given what’s been said so far.

Post # 44
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@hilsy85: Honestly, one plate.  I’ve done something similar before.  I felt more comfortable giving the couple a gift then putting $25 in a card.

The other point is when giving a gift you can sometimes stretch your money if you’re able to buy on sale (maybe two plates for $25! woohoo).  

 

Post # 45
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@ArwenBride: Haha okie doke then, I guess we just have different perspectives ๐Ÿ™‚ But to each their own!

Post # 46
Member
5147 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

“I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with saying, if asked, “we would prefer money towards a house”…it’s the same as saying “The bride and groom are registered at such and such a place”.”

With a registry, guests can choose the gift they want to get you, or they can give you cash. But specifically asking for cash is more like a demand.

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