Post # 47
To me, gifts of registry items contribute to your home and life as a couple. Gifts of cash contribute to your financial well-being. I find couples asking for cash offensive, because you generally don’t ask your friends and family to contribute to your financial well being in our society– that is your, your FI’s, and perhaps your parents’ responsibility. However, we are used to giving tangible gifts for events all our lives (birthday, Christmas, house warming).
Personally, I love to take the time to shop for the couple and think about what they would really love. I’ve never given a cash gift, but don’t find giving cash offensive. I do take offense, however, when someone tells me they just want cash.
Post # 48
Edit: Oops, I didn’t refresh and see that my question was already asked and answered.
Post # 49
@abbyful: I have to disagree…to me it sounds like a preference. You can still choose to get them a gift card to a store or buy them a tangible gift if you see one you think they’d like. Just like a registry is a preference for a particular store. But like I said, to each their own perspective! 🙂
Post # 50
I think the cash vs. present debate has a lot to do with how you give gifts (or perhaps how you were given gifts or raised to give gifts).
I don’t think it’s offensive to give cash – but, I’m a present giver. So, I was actually surprised with the cash gifts we received.
Was I offended by them – um, HECK.NO.
I was just surprised that they didn’t select a gift for us….
Trust me, I’d much rather have the cash than some random gift…
But, I’m also the type that won’t take that money and turn into something we wanted off our registry (necessarily). I’m also the type that keeps gift cards burning a hole in her wallet… so, I’m a different bear altogether!
Post # 51
I don’t mind giving cash; I mind being asked for cash.
Post # 52
@abbyful: True. Good point. I guess I was thinking more along the lines of both are asking for something (which I feel pretty damn awkward about anyways)…I guess it’s because my experience is with a Honeyfund registry and I was able to choose how/what to spend.
I’ve only been sort of asked for cash once. It was for one of my best friends. I just couldn’t see giving her money that was just going pay off a credit card and then be gone. I bought her a pewter bowl that she now uses for Seder suppers. I wanted her to have something special from me that she would have forever.
If I were asked now for cash, I would probably give cash….but I would rather buy something they will want and keep for a long time.
@hilsy85: Yup. 🙂 But I can totally see what you’re saying.
Ahh…got to love a calm ‘hive discussion. 😀
Post # 53
@IAmLemondrop: I know you didn’t pose this question to me but I’ll answer anyway as another one of the posters who does not ever give cash. As I already stated, I’d much rather buy the couple a plate than give them $25. I prefer tangible gifts because I’m kind of traditional and sentimental like that.
And I don’t find buying, wrapping and bringing the gift to be a hassle – I actually really enjoy taking the time to pick out something off the registry that I know the couple will really enjoy and maybe has a special tie between the couple and me (for example – I bought one of my friends a bunch of her bakeware as she and I have baked more things together than I can count. Another friend I bought a bunch of their board games as I’ve always loved attending game nights at their apartment). And the girly-girl in me loves wrapping it up all pretty! 🙂
Post # 54
@oracle: I’m glad I’m not the only one that does that.
“Umm…when was the card issued?”
“Uhhh…I think last Christmas.”
“It says 2004.”
“…..is it still good?”
Post # 55
In the ‘old days’, the only people who had registries were the very wealthy, and gifts were purchased and delivered to the bride’s family home well in advance of the wedding. I am not in a family where this was ever done, so have only read about it or told about it from friends who were raised that way.
In MY world, the first bridal registry I ever saw was only about 15 years ago, and at the time, thought it was a bit pretentious, as the bride to be was not from a wealthy or prestigious family and neither was the groom. In our circle it just wasn’t done. What WAS done was a shower was planned, a list of gifts was made by the bride’s Mom of all the essential things needed (vacuum, blender,toaster, mixer, china,silver,etc) and, as guests received their invitations, they would contact (by phone) the bride’s mother and ask what she needed. The Mom would check off on the list who was giving what, so that all the bigger gifts were covered. Usually the BM’s would go together for one of the more expensive gifts and close family members would buy the most expensive things requested (like the fine china and silver and pots & pans). Rarely were duplicates received (but sometimes were) and many times gifts were handmade (like a wedding quilt or embroidered dish towels). In my case, my Mom would also buy whatever else wasn’t purchased on the list,so the gifts from her were plentiful. Most of the time,showers were just for immediate family, the bridal party and close friends and not the elaborate events they are today.
Now everyone registers for everything they could ever want, and while some people will follow the list,others will use it as a guide. I know who gave me everything I still use today, but those things were given at my shower,and not my wedding. I also know who gave me how much cash at my wedding, as I still have every card with the amount they gave written on the back. 🙂
If and when I give cash to someone at a wedding, I am giving it from my heart. I don’t care what they do with it and I’ve never thought of it as being impersonal or thoughtless or even easy. We know how much we appreciated whatever we got and would hope the bride and groom feel the same. Who really cares what they spend it on? Once it leaves my hands it becomes the property of the recipient, and if they want to pay off bills or use it to spend it on their honeymoon, it doesn’t matter to me. If it gives them some happiness in some small way, isn’t that what’s most important?
Post # 56
@JennyW1: I have to laugh at your comment, because while I was never going to ask for cash directly, I’m now reconsidering not registering! I knew before that some people preferred to buy gifts over cash/check but not that giving cash/check made them uncomfortable.
And hopefully registering will cut down on the people who give random gifts (that I would feel awful about giving away/donating) because they don’t want to give cash.
Post # 57
@ItWasntMe: Totally fair. I think that every gift (given in it’s purest form) is to make the other person happy and, if it’s freely given, should be used in whatever way the receiver wants. You’re completely right there.
I think that it’s fair for someone to want to give money. I think that it’s fair for someone to not want to give money. It’s a gift. The giver gets to decide if, how, when, and what.
We’re all products of our upbringing and social circle. I think what may, sometimes, come off as judgmental, is really just a case of not being familiar with where the other person is coming from.
When my friend asked for cash, she was the first to do so. She got gifts from most of her friends and family. With my friends, registries for china and the like are the norm. So, it’s just what I’m used to. 🙂
Post # 58
@IAmLemondrop: See? That’s the beauty of Wedding Bee!
(I think a small registry is always a good idea–and it doesn’t have to be pots and pans. I highly recommend Amazon, by the way, because you can register for lots of cool stuff that’d be hard to get at a single shop. I’ve got a meyer lemon tree and Scrabble on mine!)
Post # 59
@hilsy85: To me its the same difference, if you want the cash to put in your bank after the wedding or to pay for your wedding itself. Eitherway if you spent less on the wedding you would have more in the bank and wouldnt have to tell your guests that you prefer cash. A friend of mine had a wedding and on their website they said ” Please consider a donation to defray our costs” and then there was a donate button right under there that guests could click on! This is the type of honesty that the couple should keep to themselves. And no matter how nicely some couples try to phrase it always sounds the same that they are trying to get a donation for their wedding. Asking for cash is bold and audacious and just makes me cringe.
@IAmLemondrop: I am not having a registry either. The only thing I am directly asking for from my guests is that they attend my wedding and come on time. I know that some of them will give me gifts and some will give me cash and some will come empty handed a bring a 99cent card, but it should be their choice, either way I really just want them to come, their presence is the one thing i really need and want the most.
Post # 60
I really have no preference toward either cash or gifts. My husband and I had lived together before we were married, but almost everything was either hand-me-downs, or old cheap items from our college days. We love to cook, so we were really excited to receive a ton of kitchen items from our registry. The cash was nice too, obviously, and that just went into a savings account for a later date. I would never dream of requesting cash, and I have to admit there was no way I was going to set up a honeymoon registry because I didn’t feel comfortable asking for cash in that form either. I don’t judge those who do, but I knew I couldn’t do that myself.
Post # 61
Personally, I prefer gifts. I think this is a cultural thing. My husband didn’t really care either way if we got gifts or cash, but his Italian family traditionally gives cash. I wanted gifts, which is what my family traditionally gives.
For me, I love that now I have all of these wonderful presents off of my registry that when I look at them in our house, I remember that they were a gift for our wedding and in most cases even remember who gave them to me.
Also, we both a little older are very established financially and don’t need cash. If we were just out of college, while I would still love my presents, I could see why we would want cash. Additionally, if we lived somewhere like Manhattan where we would have a much smaller house than we do in Los Angeles, I could also see why we may prefer cash since we may not have room for all of the gits. Also, if we had to fund our own wedding, I could see also wanting the cash, but my parents paid for everything so we also didn’t need it for something like that.
I also think its more personal giving someone a gift, but that is just my own personal opinion. I have always thought that gift cards or cash is less personal because there isn’t as much time that goes into the gift. This thinking doesn’t apply to weddings since buying something off the registry is just as mindless, but I think that being able to open a gift and see that tangible item in my home reminds me of the day that my husband and I first started our life together.