Post # 1
Hello Destination Wedding Bees!!
I am still waiting for my SO to propose (hopefully any day now!!) but we are on the same page about having a domestic Destination Wedding of about 200-250 ppl guests. In my country they usually have 400-500 guests so ours is not a big wedding although i notice for some it on the Bee might be considered huge for domestic Destination Wedding. We met on holidays at this domestic destination and it is such a pretty island that its a shame not to have our wedding there..To get to our destination they would need a boat ride of aprox 2 hrs which costs around usd 40.00 and depending on their choice of a hotel could be from usd 40.00 for rooms to let to usd 150.00 for a 5 star hotel for a room of 2 ppl.
So my question is: Apart from the pre-wedding and wedding festivities, do we need to cover hotel costs or boat ride for guests?? Do you think it would be expensive for guests if we did not cover any costs or should we at least cover 1 night at a hotel?
Post # 2
I love destination weddings! As a guest I always expect to pay for everything myself, and anything extra that the couple pay for is a bonus. I think welcome bags are a nice touch when people come so far but I dont think anyone would expect you to pay their hotel or plane costs. If you have a big budget and can afford the boat costs it might be a nice gesture- or if thats very expensive then maybe cover it just for the wedding party (Best man/ Maid/Matron of Honor etc).
Post # 3
If it were me, I don’t think I’d cover anything for the regular guests, but maybe cover the wedding parties expenses. I’d also provide a welcome bag and wedding favors. I’m not having a Destination Wedding, just throwing in my two cents 🙂
Post # 4
So for me, a “destination wedding” is defined as a wedding that pretty much EVERYONE has to travel to and part of the fun is that the setting is a real somehow exotic locale for everyone involved (although it doesn’t have to be exotic in character). In other words, I wouldn’t consider a wedding a “destination wedding” by virtue of the fact that *I* may have to travel to it. I mention this because sometimes people seem to mean the latter.
I don’t have any expectations regarding what is being paid for, with exception to the actual ceremony and reception. And I don’t think it’s a breach of etiquette for the couple to have a destination wedding and NOT pay for hotels, airfare/transport, and meals outside of the ceremony and reception. So it’s not going to be expected.
Furthermore, having costs defrayed, such as the boat and 1 hotel night is really more a gesture and it’s not going to affect someone’s ultimate decision to accept or decline because generally, people make decisions about d-weddings based on how close they are with the couple first, and then they’re probably going to factor in cost AND convenience equally (which usually go hand-in-hand anyway, as a wedding in the Pocanos if you live in Philly isn’t going to be as expensive or as inconvenient as a wedding in Bali). It’s not just the cost of the trip, but also the cost of taking time off work, the cost of babysitters and petsitters, the cost of being away from friends and family (say, if a guest has an aging parent or pregnant sister), the cost of one’s energy and time. You can’t really predict how people price these things, but suffice it to say, most people would weigh THOSE costs against their relationship with you, more than the actual monetary cost.
Another way to think about it is, if you are going to ask someone to spend say, $1-2K to attend your wedding, $200 off for one hotel night and a taxi ride is not going to be a big deal–it’s a gesture. A very nice one, but not a determining one.
ETA: you don’t have to instruct people not to give you wedding gifts (which is considered bad etiquette anyway), but it’s kind of understood that they’re not expected for a d-wedding, so I wouldn’t mention them. If people are interested, they will call you or your parents for information.