(Closed) What "faux pas" have you made?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I was only 17 and had no real idea what sort of alcoholic drinks I liked mainly because I’d barely start drinking (note that our alcohol laws kick in at 18 in the UK so this wasn’t a case of drastically under-age drinking!) when I was invited to my schoolfriend’s sister’s wedding. It was a very formal and expensive affair and I was asked what I’d like to drink. Not really knowing what I wanted I accepted an enormous glass of neat gin. Which was, of course, absolutely vile to my inexperienced palate. I toyed with it for some time and then realised I’d have to get rid of it.

It was at precisely the moment that I was discreetly pouring it into one of the tall floral arrangements that the bride’s mother walked by and caught me in the act.

Post # 18
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

OMG I have also totally done the bringing a huge boxed gift to a wedding thing… AND the gift was a huge heavy cast iron pan! I have to just cringe and laugh now when I think of them dragging it home.

Honestly though until recently I had no idea this wasn’t the thing to do. I was flying in for the wedding and there was no way I was going to pay shipping in something that big and heavy!

Post # 19
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@thunderberry:  

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@Trixxie_90:  

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@not_that_kind_of_DR:  

Honestly, before the Bee, I had NO idea that boxed gifts at weddings and registry info on the invites was considered the dreaded T-word and rude.

Post # 20
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think I’ve always been fine as a guest, but I had my flaws when I was Maid/Matron of Honor twice. I included my excuses, but if I could go back in time I would change the following:

For my sister, I didn’t want to throw her a bridal shower because I just threw her baby shower, but I did. On the invitations I didn’t put: hosted by the bridal party (it was split) but I just put my name and number for the RSVP. I didn’t know I was supposed to. She wasn’t going to have a bachelorette party because she was a new mom. We were going to do a last minute one and her inlaws ended up taking her out for a “family night.” I am still annoyed that she calls it her bachelorette party because my bff and I were totally into planning a last minute night out. I wasn’t able to help her out a ton because I had two jobs.

For my best friend, I didn’t want to sleep over at the hotel for the night of her bachelorette. I told her I didn’t have the money, which was kinda true, but she pointed out that I was going on a trip with another friend. My mom had just borrowed a lot of money and I didn’t want to get into that with her. In hindsight, I definitely would have just stayed at the hotel. I also just went through a breakup so it was difficult for me. My bff planned and paid for her share of the big stuff in bachelorette party. She didn’t have a bridal party though, it was just me. She’s a planner so I don’t think she regrets having to plan it. Her mom did her shower so I was very lucky with that.

Post # 21
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@not_that_kind_of_DR:  Side note, is it not common to brings gifts to the wedding?  Around here there’s always a gift table with a wishing well of sorts, so the cards get put in the wishing well and any boxed gifts fill up the table.  Then you hope you have a friendly volunteer to shuttle all the boxes back to someone’s house after the wedding’s over.

Post # 22
Member
24 posts
Newbee

@sourcandy:  Where I’m from it is sort of frowned upon just because it is terribly inconvient for the bride/groom/family and could be stolen at the wedding (which has happened to a couple people I know unfortunatly)

Post # 23
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@mu_t:  no worries, I don’t think it’s a super standard thing to get gifts for people who invited you.  A lot of people do it though, and I personally now like to do it, to help congratulate the people on their wedding…  But it’s not one of those mandatory etiquette rules, I don’t think…

Post # 24
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Lolasmomma

At a friends outside wedding i wore this very pretty sundress that was black and white. with high heels. well i got to the wedding and realized i was totally over dressed. :/ it was def. casual and counrty. plus i had recently dyed my hair and just felt a bit over the top…..

last wedding i went to we left without saying goodbye to the couple. i felt like we really should have but i thought i was coming back. at our wedding i had wished certain friends had said goodbye.

Post # 25
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@sourcandy:  

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@not_that_kind_of_DR:  I was going to say the same thing. I’m also from Ontario and I’ve never heard of this. There is ALWAYS a gifts table and always gifts on it! I think it is probably understood that it’s a nuisance but every bride I know has always put someone in charge of taking the gifts. I’ve never heard anyone complain about this!

Post # 26
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@lolot:  phewf. it is probably a really nice to thing to do. and i might do it if i’m ultra close with the couple. but a random second cousin… i’m probably going to your wedding cuz i don’t wanna get you a gift! haha. i’m a bad person. congrats on your wedding ps 🙂

Post # 27
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Rubbs:  I have to ask, are you from a non-Western culture where the brides don’t typically wear white? I always thought that was a fairly understood rule.

 

I’ve also neglected to RSVP before. And I no-showed for my cousin’s wedding, but it really wasn’t my fault. A huge snowstorm hit the day before the wedding when I was meant to take the train back from college. Only one train left my area per day and if I waited for them to clear the tracks the next day I would’ve missed the wedding anyway, so I just stayed put. My aunt was pretty annoyed when I called to tell her, but they were able to get the groom’s friend’s brother to come instead so at least my food wasn’t wasted.

 

Post # 28
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@mu_t: 

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@not_that_kind_of_DR:  Fair enough.  I think that if there were no gift table here people would still bring the gifts and then just be confused about where to place them.

The whole “misplacing” gifts totally sucks.  We didn’t get many boxed gifts, but our wishing well was full of cards and somehow two of them went missing.  I don’t imagine they would have been stolen because we were in the middle of nowhere so no one could have walked in off the road.  We’re assuming they fell out when the well got emptied.  Who knows though.  That just got awkward when writing thank yous to people not knowing whether they gave us something or not.

 

 

 

Post # 29
Member
5486 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@luluvohn:  No, I’m not….and I guess I didn’t quite “understand” that rule when I was 21 years old and didn’t care about weddings at all. 

Post # 30
Member
4145 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Omg so many faux pas! Assuming you’re allowed to bring a date when you’re not, forgetting to get a gift, not RSVPing! So embarrassing!

Post # 31
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I put (no gifts please) on my engagement party invites because I knew my mom’s family would bring gifts and my FIs family wouldn’t and I didn’t want anyone to feel weird.

Of course my mom’s family didn’t listen and brought gifts anyway and I looked like a fool for saying anything about gifts on the invites.

I’m also a week and a half out from the party and I still haven’t sent out thank you notes! – but I did finally finish them tonight and they’re going in the mail in the morning

 

When I was a teenager, I would get my own invitation to weddings but I didn’t RSVP – I assumed my parents would do it for me and I didn’t bring a gift (again, assumed I was covered under my parents) – I now realize that when you get an invite, you’ve got to get a gift – oops!

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