Post # 1
Hi Bees! Before we tied the knot Darling Husband and I agreed in waiting 3-4 years until TTC, because by then I will be 31-32 and that felt like the right age to start trying. But the more I think about it, the more I’m wondering if we should actually be measuring the right time to TTC in another way– instead of waiting X amount of years maybe we should be waiting until we have X amount of money saved, or have achieved some sort of other more relevant goal. we are definitely NOT ready right now, but I am a planner and have a hard time with the idea of waiting to “feel ready” I would prefer some sort of plan or road map I guess.
ANYWAY my real question here is what goals / criteria have you set / did you set before deciding to TTC, if any? Saving money? paying off debt? Buying a house? Enjoying X amount of time married? Why/why not? Or did you just wake up one morning feeling ready to be parents? Would love to hear your thoughts!
Post # 2
k8goeslz : Darling Husband and I spent the first year of marriage debating whether or not we wanted kids. Some days we did, some days we didn’t. We both basically woke up one morning and agreed we were ready. We decided to lose weight and get into a healthy routine, and get our health in check with doctors, and Darling Husband wants to quit smoking. We really knew that it was the right time because I found out I was getting a large inheritance from a family member that would pay off all our non student loan debts, and Mother-In-Law announced she was retiring at the beginning of the year(and hinted she wanted to babysit for someone) Everything just seemed to fall perfect into place so we decided to go for it.
Post # 3
My Darling Husband and I are a few years off, but we have the following requirements:
be married (check)
own our own home (check)
have stable full time jobs (DH is currently changing his job..)
have time saved for Maturnity leave
have 40k+ saved in the bank
travel around the world (we love to travel)
enjoy being married for a few years
We just bought our home this year so we’re working on saving money back up, saving up vacation time for my leave, and my Darling Husband is working on achieving his dream job rather than just a full time job.
everyone is so different it really just depends on you and your partner! Some go by age others have requirements, some just know! I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be rethinking your plan, at least you can be honest with yourself and your DH!
Post # 4
Can’t TTC (FI is sterile, we want to adopt) but I figured pre-adoption goals will be the same?
Fiance wants to go back to school
Get a second car (I hate driving so we don’t have one now…gonna have to get over it if we have a kid, haha)
Buy a house
I’d like to be fluent in at least one more language so we can raise our kids bi-lingual like people do in other countries. Fiance is fluent in German and English. I know a little French and enough Spanish to travel, and I know Latin but who cares. I’m learning a little Russian from a friend right now (she’s an immigrant and is raising her daughter bilingual) but we really both need to take a Spanish class (we live in California so it’s especially important, IMO) and I want to get decent in German!
That’s really it but you know, all that stuff takes forever, haha!
Post # 5
janeblack : oh I’m sorry how rude of me! You’re right I should have said “before having kids” to include adoptive parents. All great goals!
prettyinpink11 : This is all good info/ advice thanks! If you don’t mind me asking where did you guys get the number 40k? We are deficits tell in agreement about needing to save money first but haven’t settled on a number. It
Post # 6
k8goeslz : It’s not rude, I totally get this is a TTC board. But I don’t really belong on the “no kids” board technically either LOL so just making me place where I can 🙂
Post # 7
We never got to the point of “trying”, but I feel blessed we had no debt other than a mortgage, 20K saved in bank, hubby has a great job that allows me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, and we have both always wanted kids. I can’t imagine getting pregnant without a house, feeling comfrtable financially, and what not.
Post # 8
k8goeslz : We decided that we want kids, but not anytime soon. We both need to reach a certain stage in our careers where we will have a bit more predictability (like not work nights and weekends too often). We also want to have a nice flat or house, which we are not ready to buy just yet. And we want to kind of live in the country where we plan to stay for at least 5 more years. We are gipsy spirits at hearsay and just looooove moving countries 😉
Post # 9
k8goeslz : well we picked it as a starting point! We had 40k in one of our house funds and used it on the down payment of our house. So we’d like to build that account back up! Plus if one of us lost our jobs we’d have emergency savings that would last is almost a year.
Post # 11
Our goals were pretty straightforward:
Buy a home
Build up 6 months emergency fund (about $25k)
Pay off $50k in student loan debt
Travel to Europe and East Coast
Get promotions/pay raises
Save up $5k for OOP max/baby fund
We have accomplished all of those things and will be beginning TTC in the next 2-3 months.
Post # 12
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
We want to:
-Be in our “forever” home (we don’t like our current place, the yard is teeny tiny)
-Have $20k in the bank
Other things on the list we’ve done already:
-Pay off student loans
-New job for Darling Husband
-Buy a camper (we spend every weekend in the summer at his parents’ lake property, and I refuse to camp in a tent any more, and especially not with a baby)
Things that used to be on the list that were removed:
-Travel to Asia w/DH (I’ve been, but I want to go with him. I think this can be done after kids)
-Own a rental property (My idea of what I want in a dream home has become a lot more expensive and the rental would have to go on the back burner.)
These are my thoughts, other than the $20k in savings, whcih is all Darling Husband. 😛
Post # 13
Congrats on your upcoming wedding! As fellow planners, I know how it feels to want to make sure a few things are checked off your list before trying for a baby. It’ll definitely be dependent on your own goals, but I’ll share mine below so you have some ideas. That being said, my biggest piece of advice for anyone thinking of TTC is going off the BCP (if you are on it) 6 month before trying You never know what your cycle will be like. I’m not a doctor, obviously, so speaking from experience on that one.
Rent a bigger place. We moved from a modest 1 bedroom apartment to a 3 bedroom house. (we aren’t buying because California is freaking expensive and we don’t want to live here more than 3 more years)
Save 30k in a college fund. Opened a 529 plan two years ago and contribued 30k.
Travel. Been to all of the places we wanted to go to before kids: Europe, Iceland, Alaska, Bora Bora
Save up so I that could stay at home if need be when baby arrives. All of my paycheck goes directly into our Vanguard accounts and my 401k, so we know what it’s like to live without my salary and we have that cushion of money investing in case we need it. We are INCREDIBLY fortunate (I cannot say it enough) that we can live off my husband’s salary alone.
We didn’t wake up one morning and knew we wanted to be parents, but as we’ve started TTC, the urge grew and grew and now I want all the babies like yesterday 🙂 I’m sure it completely different for everyone.
Good luck and enjoy this time together!
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2015 - Carmen\'s Lakeview
We had had a few things on our list:
– Me getting a new job (my previous job, as much as I loved it, had me working evenings and Darling Husband and I hardly ever got to see each other)…Check. Just need to get past the probation period which will be in January.
– Buy a more “family friendly vehicle”….Check
– Pay off loans. Currently only have mortgage, car loan and a line of credit left, whereas before we had student loan, credit card, parents, bank loan and one other….Mostly check.
– Lose weight….In the process of. I’m down 10.5 lbs and Darling Husband is down 36lbs! He says he’d like to drop another 16lbs before we start TTC.
– Have some savings in the bank to help cover maternity/baby expenses….In process of working on.
I’d love to start TTC already but want all our ducks in a row first. We think we might start after Christmas though.
Post # 15
-Buy a house with a yard
-Adopt a dog
-Pay down debt
-Have an emergency fund, and a “baby fund” for $ health ins. won’t cover/furnishing nursery
-One international vacation
So far, we have the jobs, house, dogs (2!), and emergency fund. Our wedding is this month, and after that we are starting to pay down the debt (won’t be totally gone, but we’ll elimiate one out of three student loans, and his car loan), and save for the baby fund. And we have our out of the country trip planned for spring 2017!
All in all we look pretty good to stay on track to start TTC next October/November.