(Closed) what goes through the mind of a man who does an unromantic proposal?

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 31
909 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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Shinytoy :  Honestly, I don’t see this as his fault. If she didn’t get the proposal she wanted, she shouldn’t have pushed him into it. It sounds to me like if he isn’t a romantic person and that’s what she wants, then she’s with the wrong person. She needs to stop trying to make him into something that he isn’t. My guess is, if this marriage actually does happen, she’s in for a lifetime of pushing him into things and he’ll be yet another man with a nagging, annoying wife. 

Post # 32
9396 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

if a guy whined and nagged and complained at you to do something for years.. when you finally did it, do you think you’d be super excited?


Post # 33
364 posts
Helper bee

I know we’re all ganging up on this “friend” and calling her a terrible person. But how many posts are there on here by actual bees complaining of this exact thing? This mindset/attitude women have towards “lackluster” proposals seems to be fairly common. ‘Proposal Do Over.’ That’s an actual phrase used on here. Where women driving themselves absolutely bonkers waiting for months/years say “no, please try again” when finally proposed to because it wasn’t good enough.

Post # 34
11297 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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NDTieTheKnot :  

Actually, she may have gotten a bit better than she deserved.  Skipping the pill to trap him–horribly bad behavior.  I feel badly for her Fiance, he’s getting quite the manipulative type.

My dh proposed out of the blue (I already had the ring, I helped pick it out), I wasn’t expecting a formal proposal.  We were hanging out at my house in our sweats on a cold day, in front of the fire.  He suddenly moved the coffee table out of the way, dropped to one knee and asked me to marry him.

I found it pretty darned romantic.

Post # 35
22 posts
  • Wedding: June 2018

Your friend wants to get married for all the wrong reasons. The fact that you think her fiance is the one with a problem in this scenario is concerning. 

Post # 36
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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Shinytoy :  LOL! Secretly stopping the pill?!?!?! I thought of doing that for a hot second once. Then realized how f’d i’d be if he decided to leave me high and dry with a kid… By The Way it wasn’t a serious consideration it was a “what if I just stopped taking this pill?” thought… followed by popping the pill and discarding that notion forever. lol

Post # 37
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

If she had gotten pregnant, and he proposed out of obligation, wouldn’t she be just as disappointed? 

Post # 38
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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MissEloise :  Did you read the OP fully? People are calling the friend a horrible person because she’s immoral and manipulative enough to trick her bf with an accidental-on-purpose baby. How utterly selfish, short-sighted and awful. 

OP, why are you even friends with such a toxic person? Frankly I think you have a moral responsibility to either make her see that she MUST not go through with this plan, or if that effort fails, I can’t imagine why you’d continue to associate with such a selfish dishonest person. 

Post # 39
7710 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I just don’t understand women who have worked up some fabulous version of a proposal in their head and are disappointed when it doesn’t happen. I’ve always wondered if they really wanted to organize and plan their own proposal, give the guy the ring and then snap the slateboard and call, “Action!” And, of course, do a retake if he flubbed his lines…

A proposal is about him, too. First, anyone who proposes has to WANT to do it, otherwise why would he bother to put any effort in? Second, it sounds like your friend is a real piece of work – railroading him into it and contemplating using a child as a pawn in her game. She sounds like a dreadful human being. If all she wanted was a story to tell her children and grandchildren, she can just make one up, since it sounds like she has no issue with deception of the highest order.

Post # 40
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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Shinytoy :  yes you’re right. Older brides definitely don’t deserve anything special. They should take what they can get at that point amiright?

Post # 41
2551 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Yeah this guy really blew it.  If my SO had poked holes in his condoms to get me secretly pregnant you can bet there’d be a Jen-shaped hole in the wall where I made my escape.

Post # 42
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Yeah because a forced marriage/kid is so romantic. 

Your friend isn’t seeing too clearly. 

Post # 43
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

Going against the tide here – but I don’t think it’s ridiculous to want at least a tiny bit of effort to go into the proposal.

I’m not talking glass bottom helicopters, I’m talking a trip to a nearby beach, or a homecooked meal with a candle lit. Of course I wouldn’t have said no if he didn’t organise anything, but it was nice that he did. I don’t want a relationship where we don’t put in effort to make each other feel special, and if he doesn’t put any effort into a proposal when is he going to put in any effort? I organise romantic things for my husband all the time and I like that he does the same for me to make me feel special. 


Edit: Im not even talking about this case in particular, just in general. 

Post # 44
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Lake Louise Canada

Beggars can’t be choosers. Anyone who expects a big production had better be the one doing the proposing. Why are some people so greedy and selfish? Go buy him a ring, fly him to paradise, and get on YOUR knee. Proposals are nerve wracking, and expensive as hell. Mine was no show-stopper but I appreciate every effort that went into it, and especially the countless hours of work required to buy a diamond.

Post # 45
234 posts
Helper bee

Stopping the pill is messed up! So is forcing a proposal out of her boyfriend. I don’t think she should have any say in how she was proposed to because the whole situation seems wrong. Anyway, I was proposed to in a way that probably isn’t your classic romantic way…but it was very “us” and I loved it. Honestly if a proposal is done out of love it should be special and memorable even if its not your textbook “romantic” proposal.

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