Post # 61
mrandmrsnunes : Thanks for this. I’m trying to be a good friend honestly, but I’m just as shocked as you all😂😂 I didn’t see this coming at all. She’s gonna talk to him tonight using some of the advice you all gave and we had a heart to heart too. I hope he doesn’t hurt her with whatever his truth is. That would be horrible
Post # 62
solnishko1186 : Equipment malfunction and/or piping cloggage of some sort was my initial thought too when I first read the OP’s post.
I have several girlfriends who are out in the dating world, and two of them both recently came across this (separate occasions, different guys).
Friend A was seeing a guy for 3 months – he treated her to nice dates, behaved affectionately, engaged in conversation, always initiated the next plan, stayed in touch with her via text/phone call etc but wouldn’t make the move ever. First she impressed by how much of a gentleman he was, but finally after 3 months of platonicness, her patience ran out and she nudges him a bit – and they spend the night together. But he “lost” it half way through the action and the most bizarre part was how would pretend like it never happened afterwards!
Friend B started dating a guy she met online and they become intimate. First time was fine but during the 2nd time, he also starts having performance issue. When confronted, he says he can “only do it bare” that is how he’s always done it with all past partners. My friend wasn’t willing to take that risk, so I don’t have any update on whether the issue was resolved without protection…
Anyways, I know it’s not OP’s friend’s situation but I just wanted to share.
Post # 63
KittensBee : Damn.. then it’s more common than people care to admit.😟😟 I wander how long this would have went on if I hadn’t initiated the girl talk.. I can’t even imagine because if she’s been patient and silent for this long.. smh Just sad all around. And a lot of time passed
Post # 65
He could just be asexual. He can love her, love kissing her, spending quality time together but can have 0 interest/sexual arousal for anyone. He seems to be perfectly content in this relationship with the way things are. Even with a talk things may not change so it’ll be up to her to decide whether or not she wants this pure relationship.
Post # 66
I am asexual – I don’t feel sexual attraction and don’t have an interest in sex. He could be asexual too?
But I do find it strange that they haven’t discussed it yet. It’s obviously important for your friend but not something of intetest to him. It probably should have been brought up a number of years ago. I brought it up to my partner not long in, and we work around it. We do have sex, but it needs to be when I’m okay with it too.
I think what your friend needs to do is talk to him and ask why – say it’s important to her. They really need to figure out how they both feel so thry can compromise.
Post # 67
WannaBeMrs.B : Has she seen his equipment and have they had oral or manual sex?
Post # 68
My ex-hole happened to be gay. He still hasn’t come out yet but did an EXCELLENT job hiding it though some of his activities gave way since we were living in such close quarters after we got married.
He is Catholic and used Catholicism prior to marriage to be reluctant towards sex. We did do it but he had trouble ‘getting it up’, finishing, or otherwise just initiating it.
Many friends talked me in to things like having had a VERY rough childhood, being asexual, scared of sex, etc. etc. The truth was much simpler than that…
… he f**ked up my life by living a lie.
Post # 69
We can all speculate here and give theories as to why this is happening bit its not going to help your friend in any way. The only thing that will help her is if she sits down and forces him to have an honest open discussion about his hesitancy to take the next step.
If she does finally have that conversation with him and the truth comes out she needs to really think long and hard about whether she is willing to take this on. He’s not communicating his feelings and avoids being honest with her. If a problem does exist with function or if he has some trauma/mental issues around sex the only way forward is to be open to dealing with it, talking about it and seeking help from people to move on from it and try to resolve the issue to both parties satisfaction. If he can’t talk about it now or hasn’t been real with her about it up until this point then I doubt he will be proactive in any kind of solution that will help them both have a satisfying sexual relationship. Can she live with everything but for her whole future with him because this may end up being her reality?
Post # 70
when i read about all these posts where women are put off their questions with answers like “soon” “in time” (basically, non-answers) and this goes on for months or years…. i realize i must seem like a bulldog in conversations. i’m fucking tenacious in pursuing answers (that i am legitimately entitled to). its cool if my partner and i utlimately disagree, but i recognize that i’m worthy of the conversation and deserving of actual answers. this particular issue aside, i hope your friend comes to realize this too.
Post # 71
Your friend needs to talk to her man, end of story. It’s bizarre that after being together for so long, she still isn’t comfortable questioning him on this. He should respect her enough to be open with her.
Post # 72
WannaBeMrs.B : this seems like a huge red flag to me. On date 9/about 3 months in I didn’t commit to my fi as bf/gf until we had done the deed. A girl needs to know! That would be a deal breaker for me. What if she wasted 2.5 years of her life and he’s terrible in bed?
WHAT IF HE HAS A MICRO PENIS????
Post # 73
Sorry, maybe I’m a whore, but I’m not staying in a relationship with someone who won’t give it up after 6 months unless it’s religious reasons (waiting til marriage, etc.)
What’s really important is that he can’t explain to your friend WHY. 2.5 years can’t go by and you blame it on timing. If he’s asexual then okay, if he’s gay then okay, but there is a REASON besides timing. He needs to really sit down with her and have a conversation about what is going on. That’s where they start. And if he can’t admit to what is really going on, then she probably needs to end it or accept she just will never have sex with him because he’s putting it off for a reason he won’t disclose.
Post # 74
I just thought of something. I had a friend who had been friendzoning this guy FOREVER! She was his absolute dream girl and he would have literally died to be with her. Years down the line, she finally decided to give him a shot and he couldn’t get it up. She felt slighted because, logically, having the chance to sleep with the girl he had been pining after for years should be super arousing for him. Turns out he was on some kind of medication that caused impotence. Maybe that could be the issue…?
Post # 75
Ok so here’s the update bees… I finally got in touch with my friend to find out what happened the night of “the talk”. Turns out, a number of us were actually rt in our assumptions. 1.) He does not have a micropenis. 2.) He is not gay 3.) He loves her very much and enjoys their time together but…. He is scared to have sex with her😯😯 As in he feels sick when it’s getting close to that. I didn’t get it at first but she went a little more in depth and I felt really bad for the guy. So, back in his previous relationships he would have sex and the women would always cheat on him. Even ones that said that they loved him etc. He didn’t know why and figured he was bad in bed. Then, he started to have problems maintaining an erection. He doesnt know why, and felt he was not good, so he developed an anxiety over it, and tries to avoid it. He said he tried everything (don’t know what meds) and it still won’t stay 😕😕. She said at this point she was just hurt and in tears.
My guess was kind of rt in that he made her fall so deep to where she can’t imagine her life without him, only to find out he may not satisfy her sexually. That made me mad af😠. I don’t agree with those kind games. She said he was really hurt and embarrassed and looked as if he may cry too. He said that he never wanted to hurt her, but he felt he had found the one, and since she never pushed, he never went deeper. I don’t buy it.. I’m sorry. You found the one, but couldn’t have a deep conversation with her??😡😡 I feel like shit for even starting the convo and now even worse cause she’s faced with a crazy decision. They have MUTUALLY agreed to have sex soon. I asked her did this change her mind about him and she said, somewhat. But she still loves him and will wait until after to make a decision.
There was a little more to it, but I’ll keep some between us. But guy has serious issues he should have thought about and worked thru BEFORE including someone else’s feelings and life. I’m angry at him for this. But at the same time, I get it/the humiliation or embarrassment. I dunno.. it’s so hard