Some of these are absolutely hilarious. As for my FI? Where do I begin!?
– Constant junk-touching. Sometimes his hand just gently cups it, inside or outside of his pants. This happens almost 100% of the time when relaxing at home, and about 5% of the time in public, which is 5% too much IMO.
– Sometimes he’s too lazy to lift the toilet lid AND toilet seat, so he ends up spraying all over the toilet seat. Is it really that much more effort?
– Even if he does manage to lift the seat too, it’s like a blind drunk trying to hit a target the size of a penny. And then at the end he SHAKES the little fella vigorously in order to get rid of the final dribbles (and disperse them across our bathroom walls, towels, and I hate to think what else). He’ll also throw his clean towel on to the toilet so that it drapes down the toilet sides and onto the floor, and you can imagine what THAT’S touching.
– His idea of washing his hands after using the toilet is putting the tap on and then quickly whipping one hand under the stream. Every guy I’ve been with has done this. 🙁
– He claims to be disgusted when I fart, but he absolutely DELIGHTS in doing his own trademark farts at the most peaceful times that could make an elephant jump. They’re so thick, loud, airy and incredibly sudden, and when they wake me up I smack him hard. The worst is when he does it on me, and it’s like being attacked by a giant air pistol. Interestingly, he never did these in his sleep the first year we dated.
– Chews his toothbrush until it’s ragged, splayed and pretty much destroyed. He buys a new toothbrush every week.
– Oh, and he makes these “healthy smoothies” that consist of anything random found in the fridge and cupbaords. A common one with avocado, berry juice, flax seed oil, grape powder and ground flax seeds.