What happened between you and your ex best friend that ended the friendship?

posted 3 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

My best friend at high school slept with my brother and lied about it. We took different paths in life after that but that was a turning point xo

Post # 32
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My close college friend/roommate thought that she could insult my fiance because he comes from a small rural southern town and basically insinuate that he and his family are hicks.  She pulled out every stereotype in the book.   She was from an affluent Chicago suburb for context.  I told her I didn’t appreciate it and asked her if she really wanted to be a bridesmaid…because if you are going to disapprove of my man based on his demographics maybe you shouldn’t be standing next to me.  Then I get a long text about how that was a ridiculous thing to suggest. Ok, bye. This was the final nail in the coffin.  She was offended by everything and very self-righteous.  Good riddance.

Post # 33
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I was best friends with C through high school and college. We always had the relationship where if we went weeks or months without talking, we could pick back up no problem. We had so much common and enjoyed the same things. 

She moved back home after college and we grew closer. We talked daily and hung out once a week. This occured for a couple of years. We would have our Friday night dinner every week. She ended up finding a job about an hour away and of course I was sad because she was moving. I made jokes like “you’re going to make so many new friends and forget about me” and we would laugh because we were best friends. She moved and instantly our friendship changed. She was moving in with her boyfriend who was a loser. He didn’t work and played video games all day. He made comments about how I was so pretty to her and she was a very insecure girl.  I would reach out to her to hang out and she was always too busy. We ended up having lunch a few months after she moved and it was like she was new person. I was hurt that she never asked me to visit or hang after that. 

A major issue in our relationship was she was 100% supported by her parents and didn’t have to work. She would also want to spend lots of money and would charge everything to her parents. Even as a 24-25 year old. I couldn’t keep up with her spending or lifestyle. She was spoiled and entitled. 

We would still text each other for holidays and birthdays for a couple of  years and then one year it stopped. I would make effort and send her texts about random things we had in common but she either would not respond or would send one word answers.

I reached out to her about 3 years ago and inasked why we weren’t friend anymore and she said she thought I wasn’t interested in being friends anymore or making the effort. She turned everything around to be my fault.  When I was the only one making effort. I apolgized if that was how she felt but that was never my intentions.  I wished her well and that was it. She was very cold in those messages. 

If we ever ran into each other or she reached out, I probably would respond. It’s sad because she’s missed so much of my life and I’ve missed so much of hers. I feel like her crappy boyfriend played a big part of why we don’t speak. 

 

Post # 34
Member
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - County courthouse

My ex best friend and I have always had a love/hate relationship. She’s super pushy and only likes to talk about her life. When I would talk about mine, she’d quickly change the subject. She and her long term boyfriend snort cocaine and smoke crack. Red flag 1. Second red flag was when her and I went camping at the beach. We were talking about disciplining our kids and she goes off on me for no reason. I told her hey, you admit to me that you’ve slapped your sons. You are way worse than me so who are you to judge me. Well all he’ll brakes loose and we end up screaming at each other around midnight on a deserted beach. She was super drunk and at this point she gets up and throws a log from the bonfire…that was on fire at me. It hits me on the leg and she just takes off down the beach. I’m crying with my other friend at this point and dont know what to do. My ex bff eventually comes back and hugs me and says she’s sorry. Months go by and we hadn’t talked again. I invite her family over for a bbq…i know I’m a dumbass. That particular year I was having a difficult time with my family. She doesn’t offer any advice or empathy and quickly changes the subject to her earning her master’s. When they left I broke down crying. She’s so selfish and not to mention dangerous. I unfriended her on Facebook and she messaged me the following day and asked why I did that. I told her I’m done with her. It’s been close to 2 or 3 years now. I’m glad shes not my friend anymore. She is really toxic and made my life suck ass. I have another bff now. She’s awesome and like a sister to me. She doesn’t do drugs and isn’t violent at all. We listen to each other and offer advice and sympathy. I don’t see her alot. We can go months…but she just got a job as a cop….so she’s busy alot. When we do find a chance to hangout, it’s wonderful. Toxic people have no space in my life. I’m too damn “old” for shit like that

Post # 35
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I knew my ex friend for about three years. She lived with us and some other friends in a house together during college, despite having dropped out of college herself. She had self-confidence issues, self-diagnosed mental health issues (that she wouldn’t get help with), constantly whined about not having a boyfriend, and never listened to advice. She was a decent friend though, supporting me through some rough times in my relationship, kept secrets well, and was usually fun to hang out with.

One day, she said she was breaking her lease and moving back in with her parents. A month later, she was upset when we told her she’d keep having to pay rent since we didn’t find a subleaser, and she got very angry at us. Eventually one was found, but not before she disowned us in a group message because maintaing the friendship was “too hard” and “mentally taxing”. Then, I found her twitter which had 5 months worth of tweets talking shit about us behind our backs. 

Long story short, our friendship was promptly over and I felt very betrayed. She continued to talk shit about us on twitter, instagram, and veiled Facebook posts, so mutual friends had to tell her to cut it out multiple times before she stopped. She blocked me on most stuff, but unblocked me a few months ago to beg for the friendship back. I told her my life was better without her in it, she had had her chance and blew it, she was a coward for never apologizing, and to never contact me again. Then I blocked her and haven’t looked back. 

I’ve had other friendships fade away from people being extremely flaky when I tried to make plans, which also hurt, but that ex friend took the cake with friendship ending moves.

Post # 36
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

meganbee96 :  Turns out he wasn’t actually gay, and he put a whole in the kitchen wall. So.

Post # 37
Member
7917 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Of all the friends l have ever had, only two are ex. One , in a drunken state accused me of coming on to her husband saying ‘just because you can’t keep your man, don’t think you can have mine”. 

l wd have rather cut my pinky toe off than make a play for him, ( or any married man, but esp him . )Most esp then,  when h. and l were having a bad time. I could not have been more unfairly accused and tho she apologised next day, and l accepted, l cd never come back from that. 

The other , not really a best friend, but…had her dog, not old, not ill ,put down even tho l begged her to let me adopt . I recognise she had issues, but she put her pride before that lovely dog’s life..

Post # 38
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

Had a group of friends, 13 years. We were always sort of there to support each other through rough patches, but for the most part…I was generally the one they individually turned to when they got dumped, when they had family issues, when they were having relationship issues, when they needed help asking someone out etc. 

One of them got engaged to his girlfriend of 10 years, she asked me to be a bride’s maid and I was thrilled. More so since she’d hated me for years because insecurity and I was one of her SO’s best friends. But if she only knew some of the things I’d talked him out of doing during their rough patches, including relationship enders…..

Anyway, I moved away, close to my SO and for MD school but I promised to fly back for their wedding. And I did, 14 hours of flying one way, $1400 ticket. And skipped a week of school. Got back to be told that his best man had dropped out (another guy from the group, he didn’t like the bride, never did), and bride had gotten close to another of the group’s girlfriend, so I was basically shuffled across to the groom’s side. Fine, fair enough.

Day of the wedding, at photo taking, groom sends me over to the bride and the other BMs for photos (because when they told me, they said I was a shared member for both sides). She sent me back to the groom…AND instead of including me in the pictures, she included the newest girlfriend of the group (someone who she’d known for 6 months only) because newest girlfriend cleverly decided to wear the bridal colors. Basically it was one of those gradient ideas but one Bridesmaid or Best Man dress didn’t fit and so she got a dress that was the same shade as another BMs, and this new girlfriend wore a matching shade to the 3rd Bridesmaid or Best Man so it was a mirror image picture of the 4 of them with the bride. That stung. That colors beat friendship.

Then, there were the other 2 guys on the groom’s team (and part of the group of friends) who were sharing the best man’s role and had 2 years (long engagement) to write their speeches. They didn’t start till the night before, groom kinda suspected they’d flake out and asked me 2 weeks before the wedding to prepare a toast to give in case the guys’ speech sucked. These guys reached out to me the night before panicked because they realized their speech was going no where, I told them I was working on one because the groom had asked me to. And it was fine, I got their backs. Well, I meant that I could make the toast, they took it as I would hand over my speech to them. And they straight up just stopped working on their own speech despite me telling them to keep at it and I’ll run through it after they were done to refine it for them.

Day of the wedding, we realized the miscommunication and I was basically strong-armed into giving the best men my speech, my genuine, heart felt words for the couple. They took the speech and did it and then told the groom that (and I quote) “[we] had a bit help from [me]”. BS. The entire thing was mine. Girlfriends (including new girl) of the best men then uploaded photos with phrases from my speech because their BFs took the credit for the speeches infront of the girls too.

Friends for 13 years and they strong-armed me, stole my work and took all the credit for it. I’m ashamed to admit I spent 5 mins in the bathroom crying over it. 

I walked out of the wedding immediately after the reception with a flight to catch, went back to school, blocked all of them and have zero intention of reaching out again. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back you know? And, if I’m honest, no one has ever broken my heart the way they collectively did. Typing this is making me tear up again. All of this happened less than a year ago and gah, it still stings.

Post # 39
Member
402 posts
Helper bee

youarenotcrazy :  “I couldn’t handle the fact that our friendship only worked for her if I was a fuck-up with no chance at life. I thought she would be happy for me, knowing what I had overcome but that’s not how it went down at all.”

This sounds so much like my own story. My best friend was fun, generous, and would do anything to help you when things were tough. Sounds like a great friend, right? Except I started noticing how she reacted toward others and then me when things weren’t so tough. She loved to be the shoulder to lean on, the one to help, the one to give when you were sad or sick or broke or just in any way having a shitty time of it. But if life started going well or you had some happy news or something to celebrate, she was sick with envy, resentment, bitterness, self-pity. 

No contact for several years now and I want it to stay that way. She did teach me a very valuable lesson though-  people who genuinely care for you are there during the tough times BUT they’re also there cheering you on and happy for you during the good times. Don’t just watch who isn’t there for you when you’re down- watch who resents you when you’re up. 

Post # 40
Member
582 posts
Busy bee

My best friend’s boyfriend got increasingly jealous and he believed I was in love with her. I wasn’t. I am bisexual though, but I was never attracted to her. In the end he made her choose between him or me, and she chose him. That was that. It’s been 10 years now. I have no idea what she is up to nowadays, she hasn’t reached out and neither have I.

Post # 41
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

 

meganbee96 :  

I met this girl shortly after I joined my old church. She left a stable job for an entrepreneur job. The girl couldn’t handle the stress from the business.  I considered her close enough to be a sister. 

 

I asked her to be my maid of honor. She pulled out from the wedding party shortly after more stress occured. She ended it by sending me a nasty dear John letter.  After that email I stopped talking to her for 6 months. She reached out the day of my wedding to congratulate but didn’t see it until after. We passed a few texts but I think what she wrote in the email was super disrespectful and has not talked about her actions in dropping out of the wedding. I didn’t think her reach out was genuine.

Post # 42
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - San Antonio, TX

We had been best friends for 26 years when she had an affair with my then husband of 22 years. There really was no coming back from that.

Post # 43
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

About 7 years ago when I was in my mid-20’s, my oldest and best friend reconnected with an ex of hers and decided she wanted to marry him. Luckily for her, her dreams came true. They had originally broken up because she cheated on him with another ex, so he was understandably a bit…tough on her. But it really escalated to controlling at times (example: she and I went out for my birthday. I had invited him along but he declined and told us to have a girls night. We went to dinner and decided to go to a party at our local museum. By 9pm he was demanding she come home or he was going to break up with her. There are several other things but I don’t want to get into it).

 

What ended our friendship? Well, after he proposed they immediately decided it would be a family only wedding. Despite the fact that she and I had been best friends since the age of 5, I was not invited. We’d always talked about being each other’s maid of honors, which I was prepared to graciously give up on (even if she had had no wedding party, I’d have understood). But no, not invited at all.

 

We had lunch together about a week after they were engaged, and I’m pretty sure I cried. And we stopped talking. I was heartbroken and really struggled with this. What did not help matters was at the same time I was going through a gut wrenching breakup (will spare you the details). Losing both of them made me feel like I was losing my world. About a month after all this, I met my now 2 best friends (and reconnected with old friends), which really changed me for the better and led me to meeting my husband.

 

About 1.5 years after our falling out, she started working for the same company my husband works for. I’d found out via fb, but I ended up seeing her (and her me) a couple of times from afar when I’d drop him off. We’d catch each other’s eye and wave to each other cordially. A few months after (so just shy of 2 years after said breakup), I reached out to her about something innocuous that was work related and we ended up reconnecting but it isn’t the same at all. We text regularly – usually at least once a week, and have hung out 4 times in about 4 years. 2 of them were fairly recently. We clearly have a deep seeded connection that has always been there and likely will always be, but it’s just a very very different dynamic. And that’s ok. 

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