Post # 1
Hi, I’m aware that this is a very sensitive topic and I really searched the boards to find something similar so I wouldn’t have to post this.
I had a D&C on Saturday at 10 weeks. We had had three scans during the pregnancy and had gotten to see the hb twice and the development of our baby. On Saturday we were told that someone would contact us regardingeveryything and if foetal tissue was found we could choose to have it buried in an angels burial plot. Since I had no bleeding before the D&C I assumed that that would happen. I was told today that they found none and that they just took a sample w. I’m feeling very upset as I feel that it’s all very undignified.
Im wondering what others experiences of this are. Should i bury what they do have? I’m not sure…
Post # 3
Im so sorry for yr loss. I too suffered a miscarriage however mine was at 7 weeks I was told by the hospital that no remains were obtained however a sample was taken and everything looked normal. My local hospital do a service every three months and remains are cremated. I know exactly how you feel it felt very undignified and after it all I felt that empty. The miscarriage association are good to talk too. Im my local area there is a service for miscarriage rememberance at the local church which I plan on going to. I also plan to put a wee statue in the rememberace garden for my baby, just dont feel I could do it just yet. It gets easier but dont think it will ever be something I will get over. I would check out yr local area or church.
Post # 4
@trinity_542: Thanks so much for your response! I think I was taken aback and the consultant (who is very new to the hospital) seemed to suggest that this way of dealing with it is wrong. I contacted the miscarriage ass but haven’t heard back yet. They do group meetings once a month but it happens this week and it’s all too raw at the moment. Thanks for the idea re a service. I’m sure there’s one near me too. Also, The idea of a statue or something commemorating the LO is a great idea. Thanks again so much. It’s such a tough thing to go through and I’m so sorry youre suffering too xxx
Post # 5
I know how hard it all is. My husband has been great but he doesn’t understand the emotional stuff but he has given me time. I think moving on to ttc again can esp difficult with the fear (absolute terrified more like). I think what helps me the most is talking about it. I see yr from ireland im from the north so not sure if its the same but the gp service offered me counseling however I have a personal issue with my gp who was horrible about the miscarriage I wanted nothing of him not even a paracetamo!! You could ask yr gp when yr ready. I still get emotional thinking what could have been like I know I would have been 5months . Im gonna say what I hated said to me when I first had my miscarriage but it is true, its such a good sign that you got pregnant to start with. Learning how to live without it consuming me is my priority. As my husband tries to tell me next time will be our baby.
Post # 6
When I worked as a nurse, any miscarriages that were under 20 weeks were also buried every few months. Usually the people got an invitation to the burial if they wanted to go.
I am so sorry for your loss as well – I had two miscarriages and it is horrible to have to go through.
Post # 7
first of all, I am so so sorry for your loss. I have followed your story for awhile on the boards and my heart breaks for you.
I find it really really hard to believe that they didn’t find any fetal tissue. I miscarried at 7w4d naturally at home. my baby was the size of an Appleseed and still in a nickel sized sac and we never saw a heartbeat. A few days prior to miscarrying, we weren’t able to See anything on the ultrasound. . we buried the baby under a peony bush that I bought for this purpose. It was very very important to me to be able to bury him/her and gave my husband and I somewhere to go to reflect. If it is something you feel strongly about, I highly encourage you to pursue the matter with the hospital.
If they stand by their original statement, I agree with others that having a small rememberance ceremony might be beneficial. Again, I’m so sorry you had to go through this. It sucks and I don’t have a lot of words of wisdom for getting through it. I’m six months down the road and still Have hard days, although they are getting fewer and further between.
Post # 8
@trinity_542: Ugh, it’s awful when your GP is no support. My GP was an ass but I changed during the pregnancy. My new one is amazing and gave me the name of one. I’m waiting to hear back from her. Hopefully we will both get our LOs soon x
@habibti: This seems like a nice idea. I don’t think this is what happens here though.
@nataliegrace90: You are very sweet!!! I said the same thing.
Basically what the consultant said was that they took a sample of the tissue and that there was no foetal tissue in this sample. I don’t even want to imagine what happened the rest. He is new to thehospital and told me that I should have been asked on Saturday what I wanted. He said that he is going to be director of the hospital and that that issue needs to be sorted… That was close to an apology. I don’t really want to push the issue at this point as I really don’t have the energy. I think we are going to find out own way to remember our LO. I will, however, bring it up at my nxt apt as I would like them to sort this issue for other ladies…
@nataliegrace90: Ireally like what you did to remember your LO. It’s so sweet and I think we will do sonething similar.
Thanks so much for the responses. I really don’t think ppl IRL will understand and while I have told them about the MC I don’twant to explain myself re this. This day has been the toughest of all and I’m so happy to have the support of all you ladies xxx