(Closed) What happened to waiting to tell people!?!

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I told early but not on FB or anything, just close family and friends, then miscarried. I will never tell early again if it ever happens. I think it’s just the way things are with social media, the age of over-sharing. My friend is just about due with her baby and never posted a word about it on any social media, I love that. 

Post # 18
Member
4690 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I think the taboo of miscarriage is (thankfully!) fading, and given that we are such a generation of sharers (not a bad thing necessarily) we feel like we can put everything out there.

I think people find solace in that if something unfortunate happens, it’s ‘out’ there to be discussed and maybe heal from with the support of others, if that makes sense. 

Post # 19
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee

About two months ago, my sister found out she was pregnant. After telling her family, she proceeded to post the news on Facebook – even though she was only 4 or 5 weeks along.

I understand being excited, and I understand wanting your nearest and dearest to support you if you were to miscarry, but I wouldn’t risk having to “untell” a ton of acquaintances. -__-;

Post # 20
Member
3008 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@globalmargaret:  I was 9.5 weeks at a friend’s baby shower and it NEVER crossed my mind to tell anyone there. TWO of the girls there were telling people they were pregnant- one was 10 weeks, the other one was 8.5. I was surprised to say the least- one, because it’s early and two, it’s someone else’s shower! Maybe it’s just me, though. To each their own!

Post # 21
Member
5365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I HATE THIS!! I’ve already told my boyfriend, and family that if I tell anyone before 12 weeks to knock the shit out of me. There is soooooo much shit that can happen, and I believe it makes it worse when you have to go back and tell people. I know a girl that told facebook, and her mom also told fb, when she was 3 WEEKS, THREE WEEKS. Then at 8 weeks she had a miscarriage and had to go back and tell everyone what happened. I think it makes it harder to mourn when you have everyone else butting in.

Post # 22
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree. I think it’s normal to tell close family before 12 weeks, but keep it off FB until at least the second trimester.

@aussiemum1248:  When my mum was pregnant with me (29 years ago) she didn’t officially announce until about 20 weeks and according to my grandmother that was actually pretty early.

 

Post # 23
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@globalmargaret:  I lived in Vietnam for some time, and my (Vietnamese) assistant told me she was pregnant,right after she POAS’d! I was so surprised, by lunch time the other assistants were all coming to my classroom to congratulate her!This was incredibly common as well.

I could never do that, but I also feel waiting to be in your 2nd trim, isn’t completely necessary. I would say something at 9/10 wks . 

Post # 24
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Having had a MC in December, I think that it being the norm to wait until the 2nd trimester is an unfortunate symptom of our society’s crummy way of dealing with pregnancy loss. It’s really been one of the most difficult things I have ever had to deal with, and yet I’m supposed to keep it private. People talk about EVERYTHING on social media. When they post the their grandma is sick, ot they had to have their appendix out, or their dog died, everyone is quick to offer comments of support and sympathy. But pregnant women who experience a MC who have to “take their annoucement back” are expected to just keep it in because, god forbid, their grief might make someone else feel awkward. Even though it is common, that truly does not make it any easier to deal with. I think it goes back to the days when it was considered shameful to be infertile or unable to carry a pregnancy to term, and the feeling that you shouldn’t tell anyone in case something bad happens is just an outdated crappy leftover of a different time.

Post # 25
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Social media has turned people into attention seekers. So, when a big life event has occured they feel the need to tell everyone without (often) thinking things through.

Post # 26
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My mom says they used to tell people right away, and that waiting to tell is just a more recent thing (well… more recent than 30 years ago).  Still, I was about 6 weeks when we told our parents and then 13’ish when we told everyone else. 

Post # 28
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee

@MsJ2theZ:  +1  A friend who announced early told me she’d rather people know if she had miscarried and offer support than keep it all a big secret.

Post # 30
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee

I think for me personally, that I would rather tell people earlier on. I’m generally very optimistic and I would rather prepare for the best than expect the worst. But that’s just me! 

Post # 31
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

For me, I decided to disclose early because I would rather have had support for an early miscarriage than not talked about it. As we know, it’s not an uncommon experience to lose a pregnancy early on, and I’m firmly in the camp that it helps to talk about things that are difficult (and often something someone else may have experienced themselves). 

I started to tell people in person around 6-7 weeks, and my mom immediately at 4-5 weeks, although we didn’t disclose on Facebook until much later (too many casual acquaintances). 

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