(Closed) What happened to waiting to tell people!?!

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 77
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What it comes down to is this: to each their own. 

I’m not pregnant or TTC, but if I was I would probably wait as long as possible to tell people, because both Darling Husband and I are very private people and wouldn’t want to share good (or bad) news with many people.  

Not everyone is like me though.  One of the ladies in my family announced her pregnancy quite early, and I remember at the time thinking “Wow, I wouldn’t announce this early” but I realize she likes sharing good news, and would want support if she had bad news to share as well.  How can I (or anyone) judge someone for doing that?

Post # 78
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@globalmargaret:  Some women (maybe even most) feel a sense of overwhelming accomplishment and happiness and want to shout their news from the rooftop. Becoming pregnant is a very exciting time, especially if it is the first.

I shared at 12 weeks after my US confirmed all was ok. While I don’t regret my decision, the next time around, if there is one, I am going to keep it secret as long as I can. You live and you learn. I told family way too early and had to deal with all the crap that came along with it, and it feels like I have been pregnant so long for that reason–because at 5 weeks I told my parents and in laws and had to deal with the “you can do that” and “that’s not what it was like when I was pregnant” stuff.

Post # 79
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

What happened to worrying about yourself? We don’t all have to do things the same way, you know…

Post # 80
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Kelly Clarkson told the entire world well before 12 weeks!  I don’t have the guts to do it, but good for her for being excited. I think a lot of people don’t think something bad can happen to them, or of the consequences of telling everyone if something were to happen 🙁 

Post # 81
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

a girl on my facebook posted a PHOTO of the baby she miscarried. seriously.

i’ve had four girls on my facebook announce pregnancies insanely early (like the day they took the test) and then have to post about their miscarriage. no skin off my back but i just imagine how heartwrenching it must be to make a public announcement like that.

Post # 82
Member
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lnadinee:  Why are you even using social media then?  I see nothing wrong with announcing many of those items you mentioned. 

Post # 83
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 1988

@Miss Apricot:  I completely agree with everything you’ve said.

@lnadinee:  “Lol, I’m not her friend, so why the hell do I know this?
THIS IS MY POINT”

If this is true, why haven’t you “defriended” her? As others have said… I, too, hope she has more sympathetic friends.

While I don’t have personal Facebook page, I wouldn’t mind seeing pregnancy announcements whenever the parents felt the need to share. That said, though… I don’t want to see a “used” test.

My kids are teenagers so sharing the news meant phone calls and dinner conversations. We shared at five weeks and nine weeks, respectively.

Post # 84
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

This is just one of those things that everybody will feel differently about. I don’t see the shame, embarrassment about tellng people that you miscarried so I don’t see the issue with those who want to post before the 2nd trimester. For those that would feel those things (which is sad, because I wish this topic wasn’t so taboo anymore) then just wait to post. Simple as that. We waited until 12 weeks to announce, partly due to my past miscarriage at 8 weeks. Never announced that and not sure when I would have. From the moment we found out until miscarriage was very quick.

@lnadinee: I find your comments so incredibly rude. I see nothing wrong with what your friend did, because she obviously felt like she wanted to post both times that she was pregnant. The fact that you don’t like it is on you, but it is not a reflection of her and her previous loss. And all of those things you mentioned not posting are very common and I think most people would be OK with them as far as mentioning pets or people died. That is life and it’s reality. Cat pictures aren’t real life.

 

 

Post # 85
Member
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I told immediate family and close friends at 6 weeks.  Those are the people I’d have gone to for support had I miscarried.  I waited until 12 weeks to tell everyone else, not because I’d have been embarrassed to have to “untell” them, but because I’m a more private person in general.

Post # 86
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@runsyellowlites:  This, exactly this!

A couple of the responses on this thread have really bothered me. Laughing at women and calling them stupid for dealing with what is, for a lot fo women, a tragic event, is extremely cruel.

I’m currently 11 weeks with my first. I told close friends and family right away – I didn’t see the need to hide it from them as they would be my support network if the pregnancy were lost. It turned out to be the absolute right decision for me. I have had 2 different complications in the first trimester, causing pain and significant bleeding. I don’t know how I would have gotten through it without them.

Because of my complications I have had 5 ultrasounds (the irony is I am the type to prefer to only have the 20 week. I declined the 12 week!). Whilst these weren’t done specifically to see baby, it mean’t we have a record of baby developing and have heard the heartbeat 4 times, with it increasing each time and have seen baby develop as s/he should. We therefore decided to share after ultrasound #5, our last until 20 weeks. That happened to be at 9w6d (or earlier according to LMP!).

After seeing the development the way we did, statistically the chances go way down. And, frankly, after all we’d been through, we wanted to celebrate how far we had come, and that there was a life growing inside me, especially after being told I would likely need fertility treatments to concieve.

I don’t think there is a wrong time for a woman to choose to share, but there is absolutely a wrong and cruel way to judge her and look down on her for her choices.

Post # 87
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

With my first, I waited til like 12+ weeks.  This time, we told our family and close friends pretty damn quick.  I wasn’t worried about miscarrying at all.  As for the rest of the world, I think I waited til 12-14 weeks.

Post # 88
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think it’s ANYONE’s business when a mommy and daddy to be want to annoucne their pregnancy! Whether it’s as soon as they take a test, until the 2nd trimester, after the first ultrasound, after they find out the gender, or after birth.. how is that anybody’s concern?? To each their own. People need to mind their own business and focus on themselves…seriously

Post # 89
Member
255 posts
Helper bee

@Chelwilly:  

Agree.  If you tell people super early, you assume the risk of having to tell them if something goes wrong.  Completely their choice, and doesn’t concern me.

Post # 90
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lnadinee:  

Things I wouldn’t post on Facebook;

  • That my mom died
  • That my dad died
  • That my great second aunt in law died
  • That my fish died
  • That i killed the spider on my wall
  • That I’m pregnant
  • That I’m engaged
  • That I graduated
  • That my sister graduated
  • That I had a miscarriage
  • Etc.

 
Maybe somebody already replied to this…. but these are things that YOU would not post to Facebook. That does not give you the right to call someone a stupid bitch because they made a different decision. I, personally, would want support from others if we had a miscarriage. I chose to announce on Facebook at 12 weeks, and this was MY personal decision. In My Humble Opinion, I should not be judged if I post at 4,6, 12, 18 ,30 weeks… or don’t post at all. Who cares what others do? How does this affect your life? It doesn’t.
 

Post # 91
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@lnadinee:  

Lol, I’m not her friend, so why the hell do I know this?
THIS IS MY POINT 

Maybe you shouldn’t have her on Facebook then if it bothers you that much and you don’t consider her to be a friend in any way?

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