(Closed) What Happens the Day After an article from the Times

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

A very interesting article. I wonder if any of the married ladies on here are brave enough to tell us if they’ve had the "post-wedding blues?"

Post # 4
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Hmm I woulnd’t say I had the full on "post-wedding blues".  I understand the feeling of having planned for over a year and then all of a sudden BAM!  Nothing to do… and that is strange. 

However, I think it all depends on your situation.  Hubs and I have been together for 10 years, living together for 2 (We started dating when we were 16 and 17).  I wasn’t really expecting anything to changed after the wedding, other than legally we are now our own little family.  BUT – my best friend got married two years ago and she had a really rough time.  The day after the wedding, her family held a bbq for family and Out of Town guests.  She cried (and I mean CRIED!) almost the whole day.  Then when she and her husband got back from their honeymoon, she had a very hard time.  She had been living at home with her parents until the wedding.  I think she was expecting some big romantic life together, when in reality, that is not what living together is all about.  She had a very hard time adjusting to everything.

 So – to make a long post short, I think the longer you are with your significant other, and especially if you live together before the wedding, the easier time you will have after the wedding is done.

Post # 5
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

My wedding is about 5 months away, and I’m already anticipating this.

I can really identify with the thought of – what will I do when all this is over? Researching wedding ideas and designing and planning this big party has been a lot of fun. And I do worry about after it’s all finished, what will I have to look forward to?

I’m also trying to mentally prepare myself that my life with my fiancee won’t really change. We’ve lived together for a year – it’s nice because we’ve gotten over those initial bumps but it’s hard to not fantasize about a magical change after the wedding!

Post # 6
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My Darling Husband and I lived together for about a year before we were married, so I wasn’t expecting any big changes. I did feel a little sad when this big event that you put all your heart and soul into planning, was over. I found myself having to get back into "normal" life and I took up baking as a new hobby. I had all this time and nothing to do with it!

On the plus side, lazing around for a couple of weekends after the wedding, with NOTHING to do felt great!

Post # 7
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I think most brides can relate in someway or another. I don’t feel "the blues" per se, but this morning I was thinking about how Thanksgiving would be different. Last year we were newly engaged and all talk about the wedding and the planning. But I am thankful that this year there is less stress and we get to enjoy the wedding photos and video with our families.

Post # 8
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s important to realize that letdowns happen.  After Christmas.  After a huge party or event.  After a vacation.

A wedding is only one day out of your life.  Don’t overly romanticize one day.  I believe also in spending wisely and  not getting over budget because I think MORE BLUES would be on the way having to pay for that one day if it’s gone way over budget.  I’d get the bill paying blues for sure…we both would. 

Just realize that life is an event.  It unfolds daily and there are milestones to be reached all the time.

If you feel bluey or let down, plan parties.  Have neighbors over.  Dinner parties are great fun.  Volunteer your time (we schedule celebrations in my alumni group and raise money for charities and it unleashes twice a year my inner party planning diva)   

 

Post # 9
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

For some (now this might be harsh a bit but not directed any anybody at all) girls I’ve known, if they weren’t used to being given alot of attention, the wedding did that.  All the talk, planning, focus sorta changed a few girls I knew.  And after they were somewhat let down.  One (a lifelong friend of mine) said "what do I do now?" 

Attention sometimes can be addictive.   

Post # 10
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

The day after my wedding I was totally depressed and second guessed everything – did guests have a good time? was there enough dancing?  was the food good?

For me, we were engaged for 14 months and literally every day i had something wedding related to do or research and I loved it.  And then, the day of the wedding went by in such a blur of love and excitement that i don’t really remember a lot of the little moments… I just remember laughing and crying a ton and lots of private moments with my new husband… I have no idea what our guests were doing!  The flickr site I set up (now with over 400 pics) shows that guests did have a fantastic time and that everything was beautfiul, but the day after the wedding was really like the day after Christmas times 10.  Of course, 2 days later we left for our honeymoon and now everything is fine…. I don’t at all have "buyers remorse" or any doubts about our life, but I do wish that the wedding day had lasted just a little bit longer 🙂

Post # 11
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I did have the post wedding blues. Not the extent of counceling or but it did happen. I was more of a what do I do with my time/why is my husband not wanting to spend every waking minute with me and no one else. I am also a controlling person so I thought my way was the right way and his ideas did not matter. It is definitely an adjusment!! I have been married a month and I can definitly say that my blues have dwindled and i am doing much better!! Good luck.

Post # 12
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am a little nervous about post wedding blues.  Every year, I spend weeks (ok, months) thinking about and planning for Christmas, so I’m always a little depressed when the holidays are over.  I’m just the type of person who always needs a project to think about and plan for, so when the wedding ends, I know I will DEFINITELY other projects to take up my time.

My strategy is to schedule a few events (trips, dinner parties, etc) in the months after the wedding.  For me, I don’t think I will miss being the center of attention as much as I will miss having something to work on and look forward toward.

Post # 13
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I apprecite the thread, because I had the post-wedding blues big time.  My fiancee and I had been together two and a half years, and had been engaged for six months when we got married.  I planned everything and was obsessed with wedding bee and all that. 

One thing I think was hard for me about the couple of days before the wedding was that I couldn’t sleep.  I tried, and even took sleeping pills, but would always wake up after 4 hours.  In the days before the wedding I had tons of people to see and projects to finish up. I was exhausted all the time and also riding adrenaline, etc.  Another factor was that I am just not used to being the center of attention all the time and though I am very social and I loved seeing everyone at the wedding events, I felt really worn out and sapped of energy by the time of the wedding.

The wedding went very well and was really beautiful.  No big hitches at all.  But I have to be honest and say that I don’t think I felt really relaxed until the very end of the night.  I still felt primarily as though I was running an event and making sure everyone else was having a good time — that was my priority, not enjoying myself.  (This is my own personality flaw, and I tried hard to let go of it, but I’m just a little too type-A I guess.)  But like I said everything came off without a hitch.

Here is when the post-wedding blues hit.  I woke up the next day (still only sleeping a few hours because of nervous energy) and just felt COMPLETELY PANICKED.  Had I made a mistake?  Were we going to get divorced? Was the wedding ok? What had I done?  It was as if this weird tidal wave of terror and doubt swept over me.  And you have to understand — our relationship was/is great!  Nothing had changed!  And yet I still felt panic-stricken.  I was a weepy wreck the entire day.  (My poor husband.) 

This basically lasted for about three days.  After that, after I got some sleep and got back into my routines, I felt fine.  Now it’s been about 3 weeks since our wedding, and I feel great again.  I’m so happy to be married to my best friend and partner in crime.  But I think the wedding and the leadup were just so emotional and intense and exhausting, that I became a wreck. 

OK this is the longest post ever, but the reason I’m writing this is to let other bees know that the post-wedding blues hit me HARD and it didn’t mean that I’d made a mistake or anything.  Despite my best efforts to keep myself in good shape for the wedding and everything surrounding it, I wasn’t able to ward off exhaustion and emotional crisis.  🙂

But I’m ok now, and so happy to be married, and so happy it’s over.  🙂  If you’ve felt the same way, please know you’re not alone!

Post # 14
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think that going on a honeymoon right after the wedding really helped me not to feel depressed after the wedding.  Once we got home, we thought we would have all this time to hang out, but life goes on and you are still busy!  I learned how to cook (and am still learning) so that is like a hobby for me now – I didn’t have time between DIY projects to cook every night pre-wedding!  I did obsess for a little while about whether or not everybody had a good time, but when we got the pro pictures back and the video, I could tell everybody had a good time.  Really, once it is over, it is over and there is nothing you can change about it, so there is no point in feeling remorse.  I think that if you focus on the marriage during planning, and not just on the big party, you won’t be as let down after.  Just be sure to find hobbies! 

Post # 15
Member
21 posts
Newbee

Having just been married in July, I understand the anticlimactic feelings after the big event you’ve both spent so much time planning.  But, you have to get back to reality which means back to work, back to living like a normal person who’s not the center of attention (the attention is nice, isn’t it?) and finding new things to fill your time, some mundane and some fun. 

I must say, though, I am really glad we starting training for the NYC Marathon back in June (our families thought we were crazy) because now that’s our next “big event” to look forward to.  Life is a series of experiences and events, your wedding being just one of many!

Post # 16
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I haven’t felt this. Sometimes i wish i could “do over’ some things, but I am like that with everything!  Like Bellenga said, when you were a kid, weren’t you sad after your birthday because it was “completely over”? I used to get like that after a fun day. I get so melancholy when I leave Darling Husband and come home. Our visits are bittersweet b/c i’m so let down when i come back! But postnuptial depression? Nah. I’m perfectly content to still be obsessed with weddings (all the pretty items? of course!) and chime in whenever i feel like it. if a sign that i haven’t let go is that i’m still on weddingbee ridiculously, well, ok, so sue me =]. i still enjoy it!

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