(Closed) What happens to new mothers?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Narrawallee reserve/beach & Mollymook golf club

[content moderated for name-calling]

It can take a long time to adjust your own sleep routine to that of your new baby’s. I don’t have a baby, but it’s pretty common knowledge that “you sleep when they sleep”. On top of that there is feeding and toileting plus that super-important bonding time. Chances are that she’s on maternity leave as well so the house work would also be left up to her. She may have a lot of visitors, some follow up appointments and so on. Babies take up a LOT of time. It might be a better idea to actually go and visit her rather than expecting an immediate reply to a text or email when she’s likely much more focused on her new child at the moment.


Post # 4
4952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m wondering the same things. I fail to see how this could be seen as trolling. New mothers go on like they don’t have time to shower, ever. It would be nice to have their stories and experiences as many of us don’t have kids and just don’t know. 

Post # 5
8 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

The first six weeks or so you spend A LOT of time feeding the baby. which can take 45 minutes to an hour and a half, every two to three hours. Then there’s changing, bathing, rocking baby to sleep, dealing with a screaming colicky baby sometimes too.  You feel like a zombie from lack of sleep, and you still have ‘baby brain’ which is like brain fog. Sometimes it would take me awhile to get back to people. Sometimes I didn’t even know where my phone was! Breastfeeding can also be very difficult in the beginning. Don’t be too hard on your friend, offer to visit, and when you do bring a plate of food or a meal or something. When you visit, offer to unpack the dishwasher/vaccuum/mind the baby while she has a shower.

I have a 6 month old and I didn’t know any of this before I had him. No one can prepare you for just how hard the first few weeks (and beyond) are, and how tired you feel. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck for a very long time. In the beginning you are consumed with your baby and not really worrying about what is going on in the outside world.

Post # 6
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Mollie-Rose:  Why would this be a troll post? How rude. I’m assuming that the OP hasn’t been around kids that much. I’m an only child, one first cousin who wasn’t around as a baby, one second cousin who’s my age, and anyone I know with kids isn’t/wasn’t that close to me when their kids were newborns. Even though we’ve had two babies born to good friends in the past year, I don’t have any idea what they went through/are going through with newborns, short of generalization.

Post # 7
7739 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@amyinbrisbane:  It’s a whole lot of reasons:

– baby takes a LOT of time

– you’re exhausted and still recovering from the birth, so when you’re not looking after baby, resting and sleeping is a higher priority.

– and when you do scrape out the time to talk to someone, family takes priority, and maybe closest friends. Less close friends and wedding bee are WAY down the list.

I’d say 24 hours to reply to a text is fine. I can take that long when I’m busy with work, and in the first 2 weeks, baby is more work than most jobs.

Post # 8
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah I definitely don’t think this is a troll post, jeez! Look how many posts she has on this site.

Post # 9
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If she had a c-section, she could also be recovering.  Anyway two weeks is very young. She’ll get better. Priorities change and she’s prob not sitting by her phone like she was before.

Post # 10
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@amyinbrisbane:  her life has made a complete change. Before baby you have time to hang out and text and chit chat. After baby they take 100% of your attention. I am about 6mos preg and am nervous about this change. Take it easy on your friend- she is under a lot of stress. Call and see if you can help her. If you go visit, don’t sit around. Ask if you can unload her dishwasher or switch her laundry. I have learned over the years that these are the most valuable things you can do for her now. She will be back in touch in a few months, but it will likely never be the same. 

Post # 11
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@paula1248:  +1

Yes, OP is obviously not trolling, but I’m with Paula that this post is a little mind blowing. It shouldn’t take a lot of deep thought to see why a new mom is so busy.

It’s a significant physical recovery, also a significant emotional recovery for lots of people, newborns take forever to eat in the first few weeks, all of the normal housework still needs to get done, and parents, grandparents, aunts, siblings etc are constantly showing up at the door wanting to see the new baby.

Post # 12
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@amyinbrisbane:  Everyone is different and respond to having a new baby differently. If the baby is 2 weeks old she is probably lacking sleep as most babies wake up every 2 or so hours to feed. Also, your friend could be suffering from postpartum depression. I know for the first 2.5 weeks when I had my baby (he is now 5 months), I cried all day literally and could not explain why. I was very sad and felt bad that I would cry all the time but my hormones was literally all over the place. My husband had to do a lot of stuff for me for the first week or so because I couldn’t lift most things — even holding the baby was painful at times.

She may have every intentions on texting or calling you back and then it may slip her mind…. definitely no offense but that is probably not the first thing on her mind right now…. Maybe you can just pick up the phone and see when would be a good time to visit. I know for me, it’s hard to always get sleep when the baby is sleeping as you try to get things done……and then when it’s “bedtime” and the baby wakes up what seems to be every hour on the hour,  — you definitely are not getting much sleep…lol….. you are VERY sleep deprived and a walking zombie. On top of that, I was was a worry wart….why is the baby breathing like that — is he ok — should his head be like that, why is he puking so much, lol…. FTM here — don’t judge me, hahahahahah

Good Luck, I am sure she will reach out to you when she can…

Post # 13
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@amyinbrisbane:  She’s probably very tired, and you aren’t a priority like you used to be. Baby, husband/boyfriend/grandparents/eating/sleeping/sleeping/sleeping and sleeping are probably a priority for her now. I think 24 hours is very acceptable for her to text you back.

Post # 14
9682 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@amyinbrisbane:  New mothers have new priorities. Responding to text messages is at the bottom of the list. Your friend’s entire life has changed and she needs to adjust to that and find her “new normal.” The only thing that matters to her right now is her baby.

Post # 15
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

For the first few weeks, you forget that ANYTHING is happening outside of taking care of a newborn. Your body just went through INSANITY.

Also, due to the lack of sleep and lack of free hands, there were many times I would read a text while I was doing something else that had me occupied and just totally forget to respond (even though I intended to) once I had a free minute/hand. Like, truly just forgot. I forgot to wish my best friend happy birthday when my son was three weeks old because I literally didn’t know the date. Thankfully she had a baby a few weeks later and then understood what happened.

Post # 16
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My friend just had a baby and I noticed the same thing, when I went over to visit with her it seemed pretty obvious that the baby is simply the most important thing to her right now, dealing with its needs and her responsibility and desire to be there for the baby takes up her time, I certainly don’t care that she takes longer to respond to me given she’s taking care of a human being.

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