(Closed) What happens when your baby turns 18 …. UGH

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mrs.Jansen:   Nope, you’re not wrong at all.  My Fiance still pays for his adult son in his second year of college.  However, my sorry-ass ex stopped paying the moment my son turned 18. My son is now also in college. So, I have been paying for everything all on my own, and he goes to a private college that’s extremely expensive.  I feel your pain and wish you good luck with that. 

Post # 4
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Different states have different laws. I believe in MA child support doesn’t stop until they are 24 or 25 IF they are still in school. If they aren’t in school, it ends at 18. You can’t force child support past what is set by law, and an 18 year old is an adult and can legally provide for themselves.

Post # 5
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Do have a court order for child support or has he been paying you directly this entire time?  If you have an order you can get it enforced depending on the laws of your state.  Which state do you live in?

Post # 9
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

It depends on what state you live in.  This website has the ages at which child support ends, by state: http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/human-services/termination-of-child-support-age-of-majority.aspx

So if your state says it ends at 18, he has every right to quit paying.  Do I think it is morally right to leave you and his daughter high and dry? No.  But legally, he is certainly within his right to do so.

Post # 10
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Mrs.Jansen:  Saw your update.  Here is the specific rules for California:

“18 years except an unmarried child who has attained the age of 18 years, is a full-time high school student, and who is not self-supporting, is considered a minor until the time the child completes the 12th grade or attains the age of 19 years, whichever occurs first.”

This is from the Family Code section 3901.

Post # 11
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I agree with PP that it depends on where you are. My biological father stopped paying my mom for me at 20 even though I hadn’t lived there in two years, but also refused to continue paying for my little sister because he “lost track of how old I was” and those  two years of overpayment on me should count (Gee, thanks sperm donor!). Generally in our area the parent paying child support stops paying at  age 18 despite the fact that the law states  you can take the non-custodial parent for support up until age 24 if in university.

Is your daughter not able to work and pay for her own insurance and cell phone  (since the roof you would arguably have to pay for anyway 😉 )? I’d think that given she’s in college now and is going to be an adult on her own in a  few short years it might be helpful for her to transition into paying her own bills now  rather than  later. Also, I don’t think its necessarily fair to your ex to ask him to pay the full amount he’s been paying in the past (he should still pitch in though) if your daughter is old enough to take care of herself. I put myself through college working full-time and outside of my mothers house, your daugher can certainly step up and help off-set her own expenses considering everything else you do for her! Maybe consider asking your ex if he’s open to this kind of arrangement where he still pays, but pays a reduced amount while your daughter picks up her own slack?

Post # 12
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

When I turned 18 my father stopped paying my mother direct child support and did what it sounds like your ex is doing and gave me money for things as I needed it.  Although I was working two jobs and supporting myself for a couple years at that point. Like others have said, it depends on your state.

Post # 14
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That sucks! Does she qualify for financial aid?

Post # 16
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

Others have spoken to legal aspects and personal experience.. I just wanted to chime in and say maybe you should sit with your daughter and set out a plan of what expenses are reasonable for her to cover. I strongly believe that working throughout high school and college only helped me and my grades – I had to time manage and get everything done! My parents gave me a flat amount per year and it was up to me to figure out the rest and decide what was worth it to me. I had a lot more motivation to graduate quickly, find scholarships, save money and ended up graduating without any debt and in 3.5 years. (Not to cheer myself on, but I truly think that if my parents had footed the whole bill the outcome would’ve been different).

Maybe then if you drew up a 4 year plan your ex would be able to see not only how much it was going to cost, but feel like he needed to chip in as well.

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