(Closed) What happens when your SO/DH/FI is the sweet one?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

This is me and my SO as well. I feel bad because sometimes I push him away as he is being affectionate and then I feel bad. 

What helped me is reading the five love languages book. FIguring out what your primary love language is and what your SO’s love language is, will help you both be able to love eachother better. Example: SO’s love language is physical touch. I know he likes it when I scratch and rub his head while he is driving. That is something I really work on doing so that he feels like he is being loved. I also know he likes massages….and I HATE giving massages…but that means he knows that when I do give him one, I am really really trying and putting in the effort for HIM because I LOVE him! Those are just two of many things. 

It sounds like your SO likes words of affirmation. It might be hard, but you have to focus on those things that you know makes him feel the most loved and try your hardest to do them! Being spontaneous also is helpful! Going out of your way to do something you know SO likes can sometimes show how much you love and are dedicated to him! 

I don’t think you’re stuck that way! At least you realize you are doing it, and want to be better! That is what I do to try to make up the difference in affection, I hope some of it makes sense anyway 🙂 good luck!

Post # 4
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

My SO is better at showing it than me. What I try to do is just try to remind myself. If I find myself not remembering, I’ll set an alarm on my phone to do something affectionate that day. After doing that for awhile it just becomes more natural. 

Maybe just start by doing nice things for him, fill his tank when he isn’t around, cook a special dinner, write him a letter and put it in his desk/drawer or somewhere where he will see it. After you do things for him, it will be easier to do other things like telling him how much he really means to you.

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m this way too. I just don’t really like physcial affection or sweet words all that much. With the words, I feel like saying them so frequently dillutes their meaning. And cuddling/snuggling is okay for limiited time, but then I start to get really uncomfortable and need my personal space.

In my relationship, this is something that we both try to work on. He is working on understanding that I express my feelings differently and he shouldn’t expect me to be exactly like him. And I’m working on understanding that these things are important to him and trying to become more comfortable. In a lot of cases, I have to “fake it till I make it” but saying things or cuddling when I don’t really feel like it.

Post # 7
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is there a way you can show him you love him, without saying it? Perhaps cook his favorite meal, take his car for  wash, let him pick the movie, buy his favorite cookies and pack them in his lunch?

That might be easier for you than saying itor doing other affectionate things like hugging, backrubs, etc. It still shows you care without being mushy.

 

Post # 8
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

My SO is definitely the more affectionate one. He shows his love through physical touch and words of affirmation. This morning for example ..he wanted to cuddle and kiss on me for a good hour before we got up. It can be almost suffocating sometimes, but I know that’s his love language, so I have learned to deal with it and be more affectionate with him in that regard.

My love languages are quality time and acts of service, so that’s how I like to show love. And he has also had to learn to do more in those areas because he knows they’re important to me.

Post # 9
Member
544 posts
Busy bee

Really ..we should be thankful! How many times do you hear girls complaining about how they can’t get their SO to show much affection at all, except when they want some action?!

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