(Closed) What has been the most difficult part of your lives to merge?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

He’s an ahole about taking my shoes off at the door- I’m the one cleaning the house so what does it matter?! My feet get cold and I can’t wear slippers b/c they trip me up and down the stairs. I’m not a passive aggressive person but seriously walking in my house and taking my shooes off makes me want to stab him. And if I walk into the kitchen with my shoes b/c I’m carrying something and he yells at me about the shoes- I’ve screamed and thrown my shoes at him before! I wasn’t raised in a shoe-free house and I’m not assimilating easily. I hate it! I love shoes and the feeling of shoes on my feet. And going to his family’s house is the same– so why the hell do I need to dress nicely if I’m just taking off my heels at the door?! Forget it, those people can see me in sweats and flip flops at every gathering and Lord be with anyone who asks why! GRRRRR!!

Post # 3
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

handa:  Food.  We do not like the same food and we have very different eating habits.  

If I make something I’d like to have for dinner there is a very good chance he’ll get fast food instead.  If I make something he’d like to have for dinner I gain 5 pounds just looking at it.  It’s not just dinner, it’s all meals/all snacks/all food.  He is also what I consider a picky eater and does not like to try new things.  

It has been extremely difficult and is very much a work in progress.   

Post # 4
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

handa:  service providers and kitchen stuff. His service is “cheap” cuz he gets a family discount but the service is unreliable. Mine is the same price and more reliable but its his house so I can’t do anything about it accept point out each time our shows don’t record.  

He has the tiniest kitchen that is full as is.  He likes to cook and I like to bake. So we have to be creative with kitchen storage lol

Post # 5
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

No leaving my clothes all over. I have a bad habit of just stripping off my clothes and leaving them in a heap on the chair in my bedroom. He wants everything hung up, it drives me nuts. he is also anal about changing from “outside” into “house” clothes. For me it’s the mess he makes in the kitchen and walks away from. that drives me nuts. 

Post # 6
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

handa:  Sharing the same bed.  I’m a light sleeper and he is a very restless sleeper, constantly tossing and turning, getting up several times in the night to use the bathroom and worst of all he hogs the bed and sleeps diagonally and everywhich way. When we first moved in together we had a small double bed but that was almost unbearable so eventually upgraded to a super king size bed but he still wakes me up all the time 🙁

Post # 7
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Allergies. When the weather is nice out he likes to have the windows open, saves energy and the breeze is nice. But it’s at the same time my severe allergies rear their ugly head. He doesn’t get allergies so he doesn’t understand that closing the damn windows would make me physically feel so much better. After explaining this several times over and throwing nasty tissues at him a couple times (not proud…) he finally understood. This season the windows are closed and my allergies aren’t nearly as bad as last season.


i should give credit where due- the other day I mentioned that all the built up pet dander and dust under the bed might not be helping. Before his work today he helped me move the furniture and give a good spring cleaning to all the spots we normally can’t get to. He learned. He’s awesome

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  theatrejulia.
Post # 8
12128 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

For us it was finding enough closet and cabinet space for both of us! 

Post # 9
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Our careers I’d say… I have more job openings where I am, and he has more in his city… So that whichever city we decide to settle in, one of us will be struggling :s

Post # 10
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’ve been married for a few months, and we still need to join our finances. We are planning to do it when we relocate this summer, but we will surely have to make a system on how we approach money together. 

Post # 11
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Villa Christina

I think it would be holidays etc and deciding how to split time between families. We both want to understandably spend time with our families as does both with the other side but his familiy lives 45 mins south of where we live and mine lives 40 mins north… I really shouldn’t complain because our parents are all still married (no divorces/less houses to visit) and we all live in the same state, but it is something that we are still getting used to!


Second to that would be when we went through combining finances but that was just when we were deciding on how to do it. That was a stressful conversation as we both had some varying opinions. Now that we decided on the best way and it is in place, it works great. 🙂

Post # 12
1553 posts
Bumble bee

We both work hard, therefore we both have to work hard to find time to clean the house, etc. But it gets done. And it’s nothing new, we’ve been living together since well before marriage.

Post # 13
10695 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Pack rat vs ruthless purger.  The man never throws anything away.  The clutter would take over the house if I’d let it.  You can imagine what his home office lloks like.  He wastes an inordinate amount of time looking for papers because he won’t take the time to just make a file.  Better to waste a half hour tearing the office apart looking for a document than taking 3 minutes to make a freakin file.  His excuse is always that he doesn’t have “time” to declutter.

I otoh am a ruthless purger.  Everything must go.  I stay the hell out of his office, but any papers left on kitchen counters are destined for the recycle bin.  

I’m just as aggressive about my closet.  I have lost a lot of weight, so that triggered a major purge.  Now we’re moving across country–super purge coming.

Post # 14
1445 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Our issues are finances and parenting styles. I have 2 teenaged sons from a previous relationship and I am a laid back, but he is more strict and gets frustrated that I am not. With finances, I am the more financially responsible of the 2 so I think that I really should be the one to manage bills and such, but he refuses to admit it, so for now, we do it roommate style. Separate personal accounts and split all bills in half. Any suggestions on how others have merged finances successfully would be great! 

Post # 15
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Together almost 16 years. For us many things. Money he likes to spend money on frivolous stuff, designers clothes etc. Me I don’t mind buying second hand clothes. He is doing “better” know. Laziness, he takes his time for everything, I like things my way and asap. Kids, I am a mire relaxed parent. He freaks out for minor stuff. We don’t like the same things. He is very friendly,loves clubbing, dancing. Me in the other hand, feels it’s dumb to drink yourself to death, dance all night(I need my sleep). I love key stuff, he needs to be the center of attention

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  brokeninnj.

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