(Closed) What have our weddings become?

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, it’s the symbolizm. I didn’t get an engament ring until a year after we were married.  Our first wedding was nothing big at all this time, I’m putting a huge ceremony in the tradition that I feel is right.

I had a Christian wedding the first time, this time I am having my Wiccan handfasting. Am I stressed… not so much right now. At the time, probably. I want to be able to look back at the pictures and have the memories.  I am not spending anyones money but my own, but then again, I am making almost everything by hand myself to cut down on costs.

This is a special occasion and I really want that enjoyment out of it.  Yes it is one day, but it still will be a memory you will carry with you forever!

Post # 4
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I totally understand what you are saying, but for some people dealing with those details is the very best part.

I knew I would be happy in the marriage, Darling Husband and I were together 9 years before we got married, but to me it was super important and fun to plan the perfect wedding. I even invented details I knew I would be the only one to appreciate, like custom stamping all the gift tags for the Out of Town bags and doing every singe detail thing by hand.

I spent a lot of time stressing over pocket squares and cuifflinks, worrying about place settings, and I even spent 2 days agonizing over chairs.

The most important part of the wedding to me was that our guests feel like they were at an insanely fancy party at my house. We served the food I would serve, in the style I would serve it (family style) I wanted our wedding to reflect us and the fact that our community of loved ones came together to celebrate our day.

A weding doesn’t really mean anything, the commitment that you make isn’t the one wedding day, it is every step alog the way, from saying I will, to moving in (whenever you do) and all those little things that make you a pair. The wedding is just the simbol of all of that coming together, and for some people the details are what make it uniquely them.

Post # 5
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i loved all of the details of my wedding. it is a bride’s (and groom’s) prerogative to choose what their wedding is going to be.  please don’t be judgmental, it is not becoming of you.


and im sorry, why are you on here if you dont care about the details?


Post # 7
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hm. My wedding was never about keeping up with the Joneses or going bankrupt, so I can’t relate! Darling Husband and I decided on the kind of wedding we wanted and I just planned it. Plain and simple. I think the percentage of women who ACTUALLY fall into the stereotype you’re talking about are far and few between. I’m sure they’re out there. But I don’t think it’s a large majority by any means

Post # 9
2249 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

@quickiebride: I think you are talking about 2 different things here- weddings for weddings sake and brides who put their heart and soul into the details and care all about their perfect day. Make sure you don’t confuse the two.

Post # 10
10849 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m dropping a load of cash on my wedding because A) I can afford it and B) I want to. I love all the little details, I love making the day as personal to us as it can be. Just as it’s your perogative to plan your wedding in 7 weeks and not spend money on it, it’s my perogative to spend 14 months and whatever money I want on mine. To each their own. You should try spending more time being open minded rather than beating up on girls who choose to be emotionally invested in the smaller details.

Post # 12
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Can someone please post the dont feed the troll picture!

This post is making me so mad and going to cause so much drama!

Post # 13
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1993

Women who are not even engaged stressing over which engagement ring to have their fiances buy – since when do you pick out your own ring?

Why wouldn`t I want something that I wear everyday to be something that I like?

I have to ask – are all of these details and stresses worth it? Why do feel we have to seek perfection when it comes to our big day?

Why wouldn’t I seek perfection on my big day? I seek it every day, I don’t see why I should stop for my wedding.

Why is it so important to spend an average of $20,000 of yours and your parents’ hard-earned money for ONE DAY? That is as much money as many people make in a whole year.  There are a lot of very useful things you could do with that much money.

Well, I own a home, and a car, and have no student loans, so… I’m gonna go ahead and decide what to do with my money.

Who is really going to remember all of the fancy little touches you agonized over and spent a ton of money on a year from now?

I will.

Not to even mention the lavish and scandalous week-long Vegas getaways your FIs get to spend giving money to strange women to see them perform sexual favors on eachother while you sit home stressed, anxious, and wondering what secrets are going to come home with him and into your brand new marriage.

I don’t know how many guys actually do that. Hangover type shenanigans aren’t really the norm.

I hope this doesn’t offend anyone, because I’m not talking down to anyone who chooses to have these types of weddings, I’m feeling bad for them! 

Please don’t feel bad for me. I am doing what I want exactly how I want it. But if you didn’t want to offend anyone, probably making such broad generalizations isn’t the best way to do it.

Post # 16
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Holy assumptions, batman!

Why do feel we have to seek perfection when it comes to our big day?

Devoting a perhaps inordinate amount of time, attention or material resources to a particular detail does not mean a bride is applying the same attitude to all aspects of the wedding.  One can spend hours ogling floral arraangements and twenty minutes on the menu.  Obsessive interest in a single element does not necessarily translate into a drive for perfection on the whole.

Similarly, using the overall level of activity on the boards as a metric for measuring the interest of individual brides fails to take into account the fact that some people will post quite a bit about dresses, others flowers, still others invites, thereby creating the impression that all brides are similarly invested in all things, when in reality that’s not the case.

Why has it evolved from a celebration of love to such a competition of who has the fanciest plated dinner or the most lavish favors?

Er, why are those two things mutually exclusive?  I love my husband.  I also love pretty things.   My ability to cherish him and value our commitment is not impacted by my appreciation for letterpress and lace.

Nor is the desire for something tasteful necessarily motivated by competition.  It is possible to desire something for its own sake, independent of what other people may be doing.  For example, the total cost of a plated dinner may have everything to do with a bride’s love of fine steak and wine because that’s what she ate on her first date with her new husband – and squat to do with what her Maid/Matron of Honor served two months ago at HER wedding.

There are a lot of very useful things you could do with that much money.

Call me crazy, but I happen to think celebrating the union of my self to my husband’s to be a very useful thing to do from a social and cultural perspective. 

Who is really going to remember all of the fancy little touches you agonized over and spent a ton of money on a year from now?

Plenty of details are suprisingly inexpensive.  Many of them are actually undertaken to save costs and are only labor intensive due to the bride’s desire to exercise her own artistic and creative abilites.

And if, per your point above, the idea is to care less about what the Jones’ will say, why should it matter to me whether or not they will appreciate the eight hours I spent sewing my own napkins?

I think our society has robbed us of what this day should be!  It’s become about keeping up with the Joneses, bankrupting yourself to put on the most lavish affair you can dream up, settling for nothing less than sheer perfection in every detail, or inviting 500 people just so you can get more gifts.

Please, find me an example of someone in the hive who has done even one of these things.

I hope this doesn’t offend anyone, because I’m not talking down to anyone who chooses to have these types of weddings, I’m feeling bad for them!

No, you’re just implying that anyone who chooses to become invested in the planning of a wedding beyond your as-yet unspecified standards of what’s appropriate is either a brainless ninny in the throes of a materialistic culture and entirely lacking in the ability to consciously decide when or where to spend time and money OR a gift-grabbing phony who calculates how to use her wedding (and by extension, the people involved) to maximize monetary and social gain while setting yourself up as occupying a morally superior position.

Forgive me if I fail to see how that’s not insanely patronizing.

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