(Closed) What have you learned about other people through wedding planning?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1350 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

That my Future Mother-In-Law is going to drive me crazy and that I have friends who really are in our friendship for me to listen to them talk about themselves and not both ways. 

Post # 3
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee

That people who are already married think they know everything about planning and wedding and that you know nothing. I understand wanting to help, but you are not the first person to plan a wedding, you were able to do it, I trust that I will be just fine. It’s just constant 2 cents about everything. 

Also if you didn’t even hand write your thank you cards, but instead sent out a generic

“Dear Friends and or Family”

Then the last thing I need from you is etiquette advise. 

thanks

Post # 4
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

janedw:  I second this! People think because they’ve had their wedding they know exactly how to run yours… Grrr!

This is super cheezy but honestly I’ve learned/reaffirmed how amazing my close friends and family are. The pure joy and excitement they have for my wedding is adorable and makes me feel all fuzzy!

Post # 5
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

That most of the women I came into contact were pretty unhappy with certain aspects of their own wedding because they kept trying to tell me how to run mine, or conversely said stuff along the lines of ‘Oh, don’t bother no-one cares anyway’.

My sister thinks my ring is ostentatious.

My Mother-In-Law and many other women seem to think I’m a ball-breaking bitch because I kept my own name.

My father disagrees with me marrying plus my choice in mate.

Post # 6
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

The good: I have some wonderful friends! I hadn’t seen some of them in years, and they made time to travel home to watch us get married. My Maid/Matron of Honor is going to be there for me always, even though we live far apart. Because of all the issues we’ve had with DH’s parents, we’ve been led to believe over time that a lot of the family doesn’t care about us. Our wedding showed us that that’s not true, and we have a lot of wonderful people in our lives. There are a few members of my own family that surprised me with how excited they were for us.

The bad: The rest of my dad’s family truly is full of crapheads. And DH’s parents are always going to be attention-seeking pains in the butt. I have a couple friendships that I can stop putting the effort toward.

It’s definitely true – it brings out the best and worst in people. It’s figuring out which of the sentiments you see during wedding planning are actually the truth that’s most difficult!

Post # 7
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

That my Future Sister-In-Law can actually turn OFF her narsissisitic/everything is all about me/my kids ALL THE TIME, meaning she knows she’s doing it and chooses to be that way… Those 6 hours the day we were wedding dress shopping were unbelievable!

Also that my Future Sister-In-Law hates anyone who is ‘skinny’ and really hates that the sample dresses don’t all fit me. They would though, if I didn’t have 36Gs… No one makes samples for 36Gs! But every other part of them fit me sooo no idea why she needed to throw a tantrum- or why any 40yo woman would about wedding dresses someone ELSE is trying on and is happy with.

 

 

Post # 8
Member
9793 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Mostly that my future in-laws are pretty damn judgey about how other people spend their money. They aren’t helping to pay at all yet still talk a lot about how weddings are a waste of money and they can’t believe how much people spend on them. I’m really sick of hearing about money from them. My parents are paying and we are spending what they are comfortable with, it’s not a budget wedding but it’s not exactly a luxury wedding either. 

Post # 9
Member
2064 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

That 90% of the time, what people say is not what they mean (do whatever you want) but they believe they mean it.

Your inlaws will not be as excited as your parents and will tell you all about their latest geek quest but will get paranoid that you’re too into the wedding and not the marriage if you dare to mention the wedding. (Wait, that’s just me, oh OK). 

Post # 10
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee

I learned that the people that love you want nothing more than for you to want them to be involved in your special day. The catch is that this can manifest in many different ways.

Some are really great (friends traveling far to see you and your sister fighting off crowds so you can have another 5 minutes in the one dressing room at a sample sale).

Other are pretty ugly (my aunt advised me to not get married, leave my Darling Husband and become a whore until I was too fat to look good in a mini skirt and my sister invited more children to my bachelorette party than adults even though I asked (and screamed) at her not to).

Post # 11
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee

emitchell456: That EVERYONE has an opinion/is a wedding expert.

Post # 12
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

Honestly? That I’m loved and people care about me and my wedding, even if it manifests itself in some frustrating or not-so-positive ways at times. I think if most or all of us really think about it, we will realize that is true.

Post # 13
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

1. I’ve learned that a lot of people offer to help, without any intention of actually helping when you ask. Or are just generally unreliable.

2. It’s like pulling teeth to get replies and rsvps  (at least for the Bachelorette party) to get anything officially planned. Not looking forward to seeing how many of the actual wedding rsvps don’t come back.

3. My best friend since Kindergarten is super selfish and doesn’t want to talk about anything but herself and her single status. She has always been slightly like this but it’s gotten 10x worse since I got engaged, and I think it’s jealousy. 🙁

4. I was surprised that my future Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law have shown the most outward displays of excitement for us. Especially when his mom tried to break us up at one point. I still can’t tell if they are genuine or over-acting to cover for their dislike of the situation.

 

 

 

Post # 14
Member
4249 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I learned that I really had to put some distance between myself and my dad for my own health and sanity.  Unfortunately that hasn’t changed since the wedding.  🙁  I wish he would just stop talking for ONCE and just listen instead of freaking out over anything and everything unnecessarily.  I feel like I have been pushing him farther and farther away every time I feel like I’m not heard because he still sees me as his child instead of his adult daughter.  It makes me so sad that it came to that, but I can’t handle being talked at as though I’m 12 years old instead of having a father who will listen to me.

Post # 15
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

The good: that my family are truly happy for us, are supportive of our ideas and are excited to spend the day with us. As are our friends. 

The bad: that his family say one thing to our face and another behind our back, including trashing me to my own family at my dress fitting! They do not approve of our choices for the wedding and made it very clear that it’s not what they would do, not their wedding so whatever. They seem to thrive off drama and apparently purple is the ONLY colour in season and I’m the WORST person in the world for choosing it as the colour for my bridesmaids dresses; Fiance and I are well and truly over it and will be spending the next 23 days until the wedding avoiding his family. Me in particular as most of the negativity has been directed at me. 

Another good: I’ve said to Fiance before that I feel as though I’m never going to be “good enough” for him in his family’s eyes and he didn’t believe me. I think he’s finally seeing my perspective and why I’m distancing myself from his family. 

*deep breath* WOOOOOSAAAAAAH……

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