(Closed) What i think of "waiting" – rant

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Haha I completly agree with everything you wrote. And about the promise ring, my SO noticed right when he got home..why is your ring on the other finger? I responded well I’m a single lady and I don’t want any other boys thinking I’m taken. He laughed but I know it was KILLING him haha.

  And waiting sucks lol. I got my hopes up for the 4th of july ( my favorite holiday) and it didn’t happen. Now my birthday is coming up and I know it’s not going to happen but that little voice in my head is saying you NEVER know. I just want this shit to be OVER with. I’m beyond over it.

and good for you jogging and getting moving that’s awesome!

Post # 4
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

They do seem to know they’ve got the power right now don’t they?

I feel off the Bee plan last month so I’m going to ry again this month hopefull i can follow through.

Post # 5
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Batsygirl:   I fall off that plan every month haha it lasts for like a week with me LOL

Post # 6
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

It’s tough, I’ve been waiting “officially” for a few months now and I really wonder sometimes what the hell his hold up is, seriously we’re both 35 (I’m closer to 36) and have been dating for a year and a half. He officially has six more months to propose but I’m hoping it’s much sooner. I have my mood swings with waiting too, mostly he is oblivious to them thankfully and when its brought up its positive and constructive conversations, but there are days when I’m just inside my head, making myself mad or depressed and I hate that.

I’ve started doing little things like going out with girlfriends more and not mentioning it beforehand, I’m not breaking plans with him or anything and we don’t live together, but I’m just not filling him in on every detail like I have been in the past, I’m trying to be a little less available and doing my own thing.  Yesterday I went to dinner and movies with a girlfriend and he seemed a little surprised when he found out afterwards. I also plan on acting like an entirely independent woman until he does propose, that means buying a new car in the next few months that I want without his input (and need, my car is 15 years old with over 200k) and planning some solo trips to see family and friends.

Post # 7
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@FutureMrs.browneyes:  WOO! now I don’t feel so bad!. Lol they need to make a sticking the Plan plan.

Post # 8
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I didn’t like the idea of waiting, so I didn’t. We decided we were going to get engaged and then we did. Now, he did ask my parents, and he did get down on one knee, because it felt weird not to, for some reason (ha, I guess I have a traditional bone in my body somewhere) but I knew everything that was going on and was quite involved in the process. I guess I see the “tradition” side of it, and major kudos to everyone for sticking it out! But, I just couldn’t see waiting around for something that was a mutual decision, it would have driven me mad.

 

Post # 9
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

yes. I completely agree. The feminist in me feels extremely torn over this. 

Post # 10
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I totally understand where you are coming from —  especially questioning yourself and your relationship.

Waiting nearly drove me crazy, and it nearly drove us apart.  We wouldn’t be where we are now without couples councelling, but I’m happy to say we survived. 

It does just make me wonder if they realise the anxiety they cause in procrastinating?  And I wonder if any ladies have been surprised by their man when he is ready first?

Post # 12
Member
4144 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@Lulume:  A friend of mine “made” her now Fiance wait to propose because she wasn’t ready. They had a discussion and she insisted he wait 2 years. I think he only waited one. Lol.

And I agree with everything you said in your original post. Especially about the changes in perspectibe/mood swings. Crazy!

Post # 13
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

What really bothers me is when they say we’re “seriously talking about getting married” when in reality we have simply acknowledged that we both want to stay together. When the discussions don’t involve a serious plan, or ring shopping, or a timeline…when the only date mentioned is “soon”, and every conversation is pie-in-the-sky and theoretical….we aren’t seriously talking about getting married. We are conversationally tiptoeing around getting married. If you want to “seriously talk about getting married,” let’s make some plans and crunch some numbers. But he doesn’t seem to want to do this. And he wonders why I don’t take him seriously….

Post # 14
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Lulume:  I completely agree! I think all of us “waiting” girls go through this rollercoaster of emotions. I know I do every month – I’m content with waiting, I start getting wedding ideas, I start to get anxious, I start counting down to when I’d like to be married, I get a little miffed, I get more anxious, then angry, then frustrated – then he says something sweet that starts the cycle ALL over…

As if we didn’t have enough things to make our emotions go haywire! I feel ya, girl! Hang in there! Thanks for the honest post Wink

Post # 15
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you are becoming a smaller person and your confidence is being shrinked by your SO, wouldn’t the healthy thing to do be to actually talk to him/her about what is happening? Marriage is, after all, largely about communication.

It’s your relationship, too. You have the ability to not feel like this. You can take responsibility for your feelings and steer the situation as well. You aren’t a helpless damsel in distress – you are a woman in 2012 that has an equal stake in her relationship.

Post # 16
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Lulume:  Do you really want to be with someone who plays power games? where will it end ?

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