(Closed) what idiot started the tradition of the brides family paying for the wedding?

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is one of those things that I just never ever took seriously. Ever since my parents split up, I knew that my mum couldn’t possibly contribute at all to my wedding, and my fiance knew that too. Luckily for me, his family are very comfortable, and give generously towards their children’s weddings (irrespective of gender), and my fiance has been saving for a number of years, so there was money there for me to have my dream wedding. 

If there hadn’t been, I was all set to cater a village-hall party myself, and get married in a £75 dress from the highstreet. In fact, I had so imagined that kind of wedding, that it took me a few months to adjust to the idea that I could have the big white wedding that I’d always thought was impossible. 

I really think that it’s the kind of thing that you can just ignore if you’d prefer to – as everyone has already said, it’s a pretty misogynistic tradition anyway. 

Post # 33
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

lol…oh true girl, im so glad u posted this…. i was feeling less that aduquate cause i feel this is brides duty, but my dad recently..lets say…crapped out. now i feel responsible. my fi has told me, calm it girl, we can handle it. i cant help but feel bad,though, im southern… glad to know im being silly and he is being logical. lord, thank u all….

Post # 34
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I saw the title of your post and I literally said out loud, “SERIOUSLY!”

My Future Mother-In-Law said to my mom’s face that they would not be contributing at all and then in the same breath, handed over a giant invite list.

Thank goodness I have a very classy mom who very politely said the final guest list was up to Fiance and I…but it still pisses me off!!

Post # 35
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2001

@bhutton15:

LOL. Yeah I feel ya. My FI’s family are pastors and obviously, they don’t have a lot of money. My parents are the only ones really helping us out at the moment..Which I’m totally grateful for. It’s basically they put in half, we put in half. We’re on a tight budget as it is, so hopefully it all turns out well.

Post # 36
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I thought that expectation was outdated now?  We’re splitting the wedding three ways (FI and I; my parents; his parents) within a set budget, and then anything beyond that, Fiance and I will have to pay for. I think this is more than fair!

Post # 38
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My parents are split, so neither has much money and the FI’s parents are deceased so we are paying for everything, I’m glad i don’t have a Future Mother-In-Law breathing down my neck and my mom isn’t either! No one has handed us a gaint guest list, I’m doing my family and friends so it’s only going to be around 40 guest!

But what’s weird my sister, my Maid/Matron of Honor is the one trying to break by bank, I told my Maid/Matron of Honor & Bridesmaid or Best Man I would buy their dresses because of their finical sitch, one is a  stay at home mom traveling from TX and my single Bridesmaid or Best Man just lost her job and found out she was prego, so my Maid/Matron of Honor like finds the most expensive Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses and is trying to get me to buy a 2k dress =[ I don’t even know how to say IM PAYING step off!

Post # 39
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with you! We are paying for our wedding. We don’t want our parents to pay for anything. Our wedding is small, only close family members and friends are invited. My family is living down under and we’re flying them to Europe for the wedding.

Post # 40
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It does suck! My dad was able to contribute a set amount but it wasnt enough considering how big of families both of us have! (and that Future Mother-In-Law would invite lots of unnecessary people like her boss!) SO we had to ask his parents. They were more than willing to help us. It sucks but it is what it is! Tell your Fiance to suck it up and ASK! You cant help how much money your parents do or do not have!

Post # 41
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception

In my mom’s country, the man is supposed to offer livestock in exchange for marrying me. :oP  So I’m worth….3 cows or something. LoL.

In the end, we paid for 90% of the wedding, ourselves.

Post # 42
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Idk but I wish both parents would contribute. Is that too much to ask from parents? I guess so because we have received no help at all from either side. Not even help with wedding stuff that doesn’t cost anything. argh.

Post # 43
Member
31 posts
Newbee

It’s a very stupid tradition, we had three girls and one boy (the youngest), in my husband’s tradition the grooms family pays for everything for the wedding (and usually gives the bride a lot of gold jewelery) and the girls family throws the engagment and provides linens and household items to start married life with. I always joked that we got lucky having 3 girls as we wouldn’t have to spend so much on their weddings if they married in my husbands culture. As luck would have it my oldest is engaged to an extrememely nice young man, she just graduated college and he will graduate this year. His parents are divorced (remarried), and his mom is paying for the wedding cake, father is a photographer and doing the photography. My husband and I picking up about 80% of the wedding cost and groom paying about 20%. My husband was laid off last year for about 6 months so things are tight but I want my daughter to have a nice wedding, as I did not.

I think families and bride/groom should contribute as they are capable and no one should be bound by any tradition. Couples should not have more extravagant weddings than they can afford.

Post # 44
Member
1727 posts
Bumble bee

I think the tradition is just that, tradition. Nowadays it doesn’t really matter who’s family has more cha-ching or not. More and more the B&G are footing the bill anyway. In my case, neither of our family’s are rolling in the dough. For our wedding, I have no idea what Mr.TKE’s parents are contributing, we haven’t gotten to that stage yet, but my mom is giving me a set about to put towards my dress, the rest on whatever else and my father is paying for the flowers (which is great!). Other than that? We’ll be paying for everything else ourselves.

Post # 45
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2011

personally i feel like nowadays it’s sometimes more of a group effort by both families. but i agree with you that its nuts to make the brides family pay for ALL of it. tho much happiness and lack of stress can come from a simple, inexpensive wedding 🙂 i hope everything goes well and congrats overall!

Post # 46
Member
294 posts
Helper bee

I love the livestock comparison!  In our area, that would be at least $6,000.  That would help some, wouldn’t it?  

I’m a Future Mother-In-Law, and I expect to contribute half, because my son is half of the couple. While I know parents aren’t obligated to contribute, it boggles my mind that both sides don’t contribute in some way….whether it be  in labor, money or time.  Ridiculous!

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