(Closed) what idiot started the tradition of the brides family paying for the wedding?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know this is an old post, but it is still very annoying. If the grooms parents have money to give, why do they think tradition must be followed? I think each set of parents should give what they can afford, especially if their entire family is being invited to the wedding. 

Post # 48
Member
2424 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My parents are paying for the reception (venue, food, liquor) and I am very thankful for that. Future Mother-In-Law is paying for the rehearsal dinner and flowers, and she gave us another 1K to do with what we wished. Fiance and I are paying the balance. So we are staying fairly traditional with it, but we are lucky that Future Mother-In-Law is helping a bit too.

Post # 49
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

AMEN!!! Who thought of this genius idea??? They need a good kick in the toosh! My parents and Fiance and I are all paying for the wedding. FI’s family have decided to pay for the rehearsal dinner (which will be small) and some of our flowers. My parents are SO annoyed that they are not helping but are keeping their mouths shut as not to cause drama.

The funny thing is that my dad said he would be happy if they just offered to help them and he wouldn’t even take money from them. The part that pisses him off is the fact that they aren’t even offering. Especially when they see that Fiance and I are busting our asses to help pay for this. UGH SO FRUSTRATING I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!

BUT I guess I should just be happy that FI’s parents are even paying for those two small things. I know many other bride’s whose parents are paying for everything – even the rehearsal dinner because FI’s parents refuse to contribute….yet they want to invite about 80 people on bride’s parents money. Unbelievable.

Post # 50
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yea…. who ever came up with this tradition must have had sons!!

 

Post # 52
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

I totally agree with this. My fiances parents EXPECT us to have a sit down steak dinner at a fancy locations with all of the trimmings. They have a guest list of 65 people-none of whom I know and they expect my mother and I to pay for the whole thing except for their very modest rehearsal dinner. Honestly, I’m happy that they are helping with the rehearsal dinner, but they are helping with NOTHING else- no flowers, no drinks, nothing. They are both working, have great pensions and benefits and are set for life. I just can’t imagine being in their position and not offering. If I were the mother of the groom it would be impossible for me not to offer financial assistance!

Post # 53
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I think it is really lame that your Fiance wont ask his parents for help…. I mean its not just YOUR wedding (although as brides it kinda is lol)… this dumb tradition terrified me since both of my parents are recovering drug addicts and I always knew that I would most likely not have the help, but luckily my parents are doing well and are able to contribute a small amout, and knowing my situatiion my FI’s parents are being very generous, we are HS sweethearts so they are really understanding of my situation! We will be covering a large portion of the wedding ourselves though… I really think that you should have  serious talk with you Fiance about talking to his parents!

Post # 54
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@yellowshoe: I agree! My Future Father-In-Law who refuses to contribute to the wedding other than a modest rehearsal dinner has 3 sons and no daughters. Talk about lucking out! He’ll never have to pay for a wedding. 

Post # 55
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Totally agree…I’ve been annoyed by this a few times.  Although for us, my parents are in the fortunate position of being able to afford giving us the wedding we want (for which we are VERY thankful) and FI’s family realistically does not have anything to give.  They are barely able to afford our rehearsal dinner, and my parents have offered to work portions of that into our budget if necessary.  Sometimes I feel resentment for many reasons that are complicated (FI’s family has had a lot of major changes and setback in the past 6-8 years…his father has done many odd and crazy things, including managing money badly) but because of these reasons, I do get annoyed sometimes that this is all on my parents.  There was a time when FIs parents would have been able to afford to do a WHOLE LOT more, but that is not the case.  I think if I knew my parents were draining savings/putting themselves into debt for our wedding, I’d feel much worse about having them pay, but they offered becasue they can, and so I try not to feel bad.  I do think contributions should be made when and where both families can…after all, both families will be bringing people together for the same reason.

Post # 56
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

in my wedding everything is Fiance side..of course my parents are contributing on some of the gold as well..but nothing major.

Post # 57
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am paying for my wedding myself.  Any money I receive from either sets of parents will be a “gift,” that I will make clear is not paying for the wedding.  Because I don’t want to solicit or feel obligated to listen to opinions or guest lists.  My wedding.  The end.

Post # 58
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Just because it’s a tradition doesn’t mean it’s a law. I’ve read many responces to the question of who pays for a wedding and the answer 99% of the time is.. “If you’re old enough to get married you’re old enough to pay for it yourself”. Yes, it’s nice if your parents, his parents, your Aunt Florence or whoever wants to contribute that’s very generous of them. But, it’s their money and if your FI’s parents don’t want to contribute you shouldn’t ask them to. They know you’re getting married and if they wanted to they would have offered. It’s their money, they earned it and they should spend it how they want.

I know weddings can be expensive but they don’t have to be. I know, I just had one. We had a beautiful wedding and kept the cost down by being creative. The wedding you should have is the wedding you can afford.

Post # 59
Member
6262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I am definitely not following that tradition because my SO’s father already told us he’s paying for everything since he wants to go all out… he likes to impress people. He’s probably going to have to fight my mother for the bills though while my dad will try to avoid paying for anything at all, which is fine with me because I’d rather he not help than help out and whine about it.

The topic ‘what idiot started the tradition of the brides family paying for the wedding?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors