(Closed) What, if anything, do you say to people who just didn't show up?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

I had 2 people come to my ceremony but skip the reception. So rude. I couldn’t believe they did that. They didn’t even get me a card, but they did get me a few small things (worth about $20 at the most) that shipped to us a few weeks before the wedding. I haven’t said anything. They’ll get the point when I don’t send a “thank you”…

Post # 17
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

 

CarolinaCola:  oh my goodness! I’m sorry that happened to you. I would say absolutely nothing to them – in fact, I would never say anything to them again, on any subject. Unless someone had some emergency or fell so ill that they couldn’t text or email, that would be the end of my relationship with these people. My wedding is going to be around 90 people, half of them family (immediate and first cousins) and the other half our close friends, so there are no obligatory invites. But I believe in cutting dead weight from my life – even if it’s family.  

Post # 18
Member
3052 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I hate letting people get away with shit. They SHOULD feel uncomfortable. I’d most certainly say “missed you at the wedding”…even if they just didn’t feel like going, they could have text you saying they were sick or some other lie to save face. I’d legit rather a friend/family member lie than just not show up and not reach out.

Post # 19
Member
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

 

CarolinaCola:  you dont say anything. They might bring it up if theyre decent enough to realize that was rude. If they dont bring it up you just make a mental note but keep it moving. That’s what we did. We had about 15 no-shows and at over $200 a plate it definitely hurt. Some people had excuses but some just never said anything or their excuse was so ridiculous that it didnt matter. Either way we said NOTHING.

Post # 20
Member
3829 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

CarolinaCola:  I wouldnt say anything.  And people like that become pretty low on my “give a shit” list because i find it so freaking rude i cant handle it. 

Post # 21
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

There isnt much you can do now. But i fyou really want to know why, ask. I think i would. However, just try not to let the reason upset you. What is done is done. Hopefully your day was amazing without them 🙂

Post # 22
Member
4830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

CarolinaCola:   I wouldn’t mention it.  If they make an excuse, you could always say “What??  You weren’t there????”  with feigned astonishment.   LOL   

Post # 23
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We had several people not show up at the last minute. We didn’t say anything to them. We didn’t have plated meals, so we just paid for fancy hors d’oeuvres based on the RSVP numbers. So we just got to take extra food home with us after the wedding! It didn’t bother us too much. My husband was more pissed than I was. It was disappointing, but they were the ones that missed out on an amazing wedding, not us!

Post # 24
Member
3045 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My wedding is in June & I really hope this doesnt happen to me, but Im sure it will. I find that so incredibly rude, I would have a hard time biting my tongue. I would probably not say anything, but cut that person from my life.

Post # 25
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I would also be really annoyed by this. You spend so much time planning, waiting and thinking about this big day and then of course paying for it. If the ‘no shows’ are ppl you see often I would be tempted to say something like “we missed you at the wedding”. If they are people with any manners at all at least they may offer an answer to explian their absence. I think that some people who may have never planned a wedding don’t realize all the planning preparation and consideration that goes into doing something big like this. I would hope that at least they mailed you a card with a little money in it! I guess the best thing to do is to let the ship sail and be happy for the good memories made that day.

Post # 26
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We had people do this on my wedding. I saw one of the ladies earlier today and went “I missed you! What happened?” Turns out she had family issues that day that I completely understood, and another woman apparently had been dealing with cancer (I was unaware). So sometimes things just happen. 🙁

Post # 27
Member
10452 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

We had four no-shows: two (a couple) who just had a death in the family and let us know as soon as it happened, so no hard feelings there whatsoever. The other two were on my husband’s side so I personally don’t care. The wife of his best man, who is pretty antisocial towards the group of guy friends because I’m pretty sure she hates them all (weird because they’re awesome guys), and the last was a coworker of my husband. He’s ticked about that guy because it was a super last minute decision with no apparent reason. But what can you do? It’s annoying but it’s over and done with. Just think twice about attending things they invite you to in the future! 

Post # 28
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

MrsSweetT:  Ummm……..you should still be sending a thank you. You were given a gift (even if it was cheap, and even if they did blow off the reception), a gift is a gift. And for all you know, they might have gotten ill or an emergency could’ve come up.

Post # 29
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 1988

JrzyGurl:  I completely agree!

Be the bigger person and, politely, thank them for their gift.

Post # 30
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We had 15 out of about 90 people no show the day of our wedding (well, technically 6 of them rsvp’d no the ight before, but since we were kind of at the venue already we didn’t get it). I didn’t say anything to any of them It just didn’t seem worth it. It definitely bothered me, but thankfully we weren’t payingper person so it didn’t matter much. Though getting rid of a table and having more space to dance would’ve been nice.

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