(Closed) What, if anything, do you say to people who just didn't show up?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

We didn’t have anyone not show up (we had a very small wedding), but if someone didn’t show up I wouldn’t say anything to them.

Post # 47
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We had quite a few people RSVP ‘yes’ and then not show up, sadly… in fact, one table ended up being almost empty, so it looked kind of awkward. Anyway, we never said anything to them, nor did we send them ‘thank yous’, we just focused on the people who DID show up and brushed off our shoulders, lol. An upside to the missing attendees–the extra entrees that guests got seconds of–we still get told almost 2 years later that we had the best wedding food ever and people gladly took care of the leftovers.

Post # 48
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

CarolinaCola:  You let it go. While the wedding is one of the most important days in your life, for many friends and some family it is still just a party. Maybe some would be upset with a friend for missing a party, but I personally put those relationships ahead of “when life gets in the way” and people don’t show up. But I have to be upfront, we did not have any no shows (we only had I think 150 invites or maybe a few less and 115 total guests RSVP–I would imagine since we wanted a smaller wedding there was less chance of that), so I don’t fully understand what you feel and am only speaking from my gut feeling about the topic. 

Post # 49
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Akiin Beach Club, Tulum Mexico

Sorry you had guests not show up after they did RSVP.  Maybe you can simply contact them via text, email or Facebook and simply say “Hey, I didn’t see you at the wedding… What happened, everything okay? lol 🙂  I would be pretty upset too if people didn’t show up after they confirmed, especially when Fiance and I are hosting the wedding on our own…. Yikes, I don’t even want to think about being in a situation like that. 🙁

 

Post # 50
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Ugh, I get why you are bothered. Here in Mexico things with weddings are more casual and we don’t RSVP so it is more likely that people don’t show up, and even sometimes people who are not invited come! I think I’ll just keep my mouth shut.

Post # 51
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

We only had one pair of no shows and they were only planning on coming to the dancing part of the evening anyway so it wasn’t a big deal. I did have some people un-RSVP right before for some pretty crappy reasons. That hurt my feelings and made me doubt the friendships.

If we’d had no-shows without a good reasons I would have been livid and probably they’d be on my permanent shit list, and I would have been quite offended. It’s just the height of bad manners to not show up without notice and it’s kind of a big FU. It really shows they didn’t care about wasting your time or money. I’d probably not talk to them again and if I did I would ask why did they didn’t show up as somethings are worth stirring the pot to find out. RAGE!

Haha, don’t take this as advice though! 

 

Post # 52
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ll fess up and say that I skipped a wedding once (by accident). I wasn’t invited properly (via email) and there were a ton of wedding-related events over the span of 3 or 4 days and there was no way for me to RSVP and I simply got confused about whether the wedding was Saturday or Sunday…long story short, I completely just missed the wedding. My friend emailed me the next day (ummm, don’t you have more important things to do right now?) to say “OMG, where were you yesterday?” And I said “oh, remember I had plans yesterday so I had to decline the rehearsal dinner e-vite, but I’ll see you this afternoon at the ceremony” and she corrected me that it was the wedding I had missed. Oops. She very obviously expected a story involving aliens and zombies and the story I offered her very obviously didn’t satisfy her. I felt bad, but we could’ve probably just skipped that entire conversation and the outcome would have been the same.

In my own case, I did make a passive-aggressive status about no call/no shows about 5 months after the wedding, primarily for the comic effect. But I didn’t say anything to anyone about it (and the people who did this aren’t on facebook). In fairness, I don’t really intend to ever speak to my cousin (who still owes me $600 for the plates that his ENTIRE family didn’t show up to eat) again. He’ll need to apologize for wasting my money first.

Post # 53
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Just got married this past Saturday and we had between 10 and 20 no-shows (kind of afraid to count them, honestly) out of 130. Some of the reasons were legitimate (“Your aunt is in the hospital with MRSA”) and some, not so much (“My allergies are kicking my ass.” “My husband is on call, so he’s staying home…and so am I and my daughter.” “We got tickets to St. Vincent.”)

It happens to everyone. I am a little resentful, but at the end of the day, we had enough people show up to feel supported, and we got enough gifts/cash to replace all the janky kitchen stuff we’ve had since college, so I guess I can’t complain too much.

They say weddings will always surprise you as to who will come and who won’t. I thought ours wouldn’t, but it did anyway.

Post # 54
Member
3045 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

EffieTrinket:  Not to threadjack, but I cannot wait to see your pics!!! How did the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses turn out?

Post # 55
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I haven’t said one word to the 3 people who didn’t show up since our wedding.  2 of them are my cousins and one was a random person I invited out of courtesey because she was part of a family I wanted to come.  I didn’t let this ruin my time at all, but when it comes to them (my cousins) getting married, I don’t plan on showing up either… or getting them a gift 🙂  

Post # 56
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t hold your breath for an apology. Just make regular conversation and if your wedding comes up say their absence was noticeable because you were really looking forward to seeing them. At this point,  what are you going to do? Cut people out of your life because they cost you food and drink.

Post # 57
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Overjoyed:  how does he owe you this money? When did weddings become ticketed events where the bride and groom getreimbursed for their inconvenience?

Post # 58
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

CurlyCue:  I was joking. And I wasn’t joking about being reimbursed for my “inconvenience,” I was speaking of being reimbursed for the actual effing MONEY I spent. I was offended that he RSVP’d and even re-confirmed after I followed up to double-check that he and his tribe would be there and the 4 of them simply didn’t show up and never called or wrote to explain why. I stayed mad for all of half-a-second, but yes in the reality sitcom I imagine in my head, he would be somehow obligated to pay me back all the money I wasted on him. He obviously doesn’t actually owe me the money since weddings are not ticketed events (which is why it should have been obvious that I was joking), but the fact does remain that I spent the better part of $1000 US dollars in reliance on his promise which he broke for no apparent (to me) reason. It would therefore be upright and decent of him to offer some sort of acknowledgement/apology/explanation as it is the very LEAST he could do. Also just wanted to clarify–since you seem to have a little trouble with this–I also am not actually intending to never speak to him again. That too, was a joke. 

Post # 59
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Overjoyed:  the joke went over my head. Thanks for the reply. 

Post # 60
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

Misswhowedding:  +1.  If it makes you feel any better, this happened at my wedding, and probably happens at a lot of weddings and big events, too.  We haven’t seen the person since then, but if he ever brought it up, I would likely just brush it off like no big deal, because in the end, the only peple that really matter were you and your husband.

 

Congratulations on your wedding!

The topic ‘What, if anything, do you say to people who just didn't show up?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors