(Closed) What if he died tomorrow? :(

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

well, me and FH aren’t quite married yet, but everyone says we act like it.  We spend so much of our down time together, it’s hard to imagine what I would do if he wasn’t there.  Since we are planning on staying in the area where our families live, I would probably  turn into the girl version of "failure to launch" haha….

Post # 4
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Unfortunately, this is something I have thought about on several occasions because it is a serious concern for my fiance.  His father passed away when he was in his 40’s from a heart attack; same for his grandfather on his mother’s side.  We were in early high school and his mom never remarried and has only recently started casually dating (so she’s not lonely is her reasoning- understandable.)  It has been around 8 years.  I tell my fiance that we are exercising and eating better for both of us to try to lessen the scariness of the situation.  I think we would both want the other to move on like his mom has; we would want the other to be happy, even if we weren’t there to be part of it.  You know, this is quite morbid, but I think it’s important to discuss for the other’s well being and hopefully nothing ever comes of it!

Post # 5
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

My husband and I are both serving in the Air Force, if one of us died- we would continue to serve and live where the Air Force needed us to live.  Once our commission is up and we return to civilian life (in five years) if one of us died, I think we’d stay in the same area.  We’re both from Michigan, and my husband has learned to really love the small town I’m from (and I have little desire to move back to the city/suburbs).  

   My husband hates having morbid talks, especially since we’re in the military.  I’ve asked him several times what he would like me to do if died regarding funeral prepartions and he refuses to answer… it drives me insane! Neither of us are in any immediate danger, but still, it would be nice to know.  Mrs.Bee is lucky you’re open to the morbid stuff!

Post # 6
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Imperia Hotel (modern chic hotel)

We talk about it …. just really havent gotten to the point of who will be doing what. Its pretty simple for us, in the sense we didnt move city to be together.

I think I would just keep on living (alone)… maybe make a few adjustment in my career (cause im planning on starting my own company)

Post # 7
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I have lost a couple of very close family members in the past few years and I have a lot of residual anxiety that all funnels towards my fiance and dying. So, this issue hits close to home. I can’t think all that rationally so I have no clue what I’d do.

Post # 8
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House

Mr. MagPie (half) teases me that he’d go into the priesthood — since he wouldn’t want to be with another woman. 

I’d most likely make some drastic life changes — you know, do things I always dreamed of doing, but never go around to — but then again, who knows how I’d act in that situation?

Post # 9
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

My fiance and I have talked about this a few times.  He is in the Army, so everything from funeral arrangements to future plans have come up in conversations.  I would probably move if anything happened to him.  I have a horrible habit of running, so I would attempt it.  I think I would end up back in CA.

Post # 10
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay

We talk about this too.  Mr. Quiche says that if he dies, he wants me to sell our condo and get something smaller and more affordable so that I wouldn’t have to worry about making the mortgage payment.  It makes sense, as I wouldn’t need a place as big as ours with just me.  I really don’t think I’d move back home, but you never know!

I would also take a sabbatical and travel across Europe or Asia.  I would not be able to just lurch back into my normal day-to-day life.  I think it is healthy to talk about it, though!!

Post # 11
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I told my FH if i die … he better upgrade and get himself a hot young chick, so that way i can look down and be like… ah, so THAT is one step up from me… and feel good about myself… lol! But it is in jest… if he were to pass tomorrow… i think i’d find a way to procreate so i can continue his legacy…

Post # 12
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Well strangely enough this happened to me… 10 years ago, 3 months before our wedding my fiance passed away after being diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer only a month earlier. So now ten years later, despite my heart being broken in two and the wind being knocked out of my sails I have met a wonderfully fantastic and gorgeous caring man and we are due to marry in April this year.

Yes, in the back of my mind I think ‘could it happen again? will I lose him? would I survive this time? but I’m sharing this in the hope that if anyone should ever experience the horrific loss of their SO there is still hope for the future.

Sorry to sound so serious! On a lighter note, should I every lose my SO I would consider working for a non-profit organization abroad or become a missionary, failing that…join the circus! 

Post # 13
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2009

My Fiance and I talk about this bc well I love to talk …. I’d adopt children and instill the values we hold so that his legacy will still live on. I’d take care of his parents and anyone in his family in need and expect the same =) I love him and now we are one! (even though we’re not married yet lol)

Post # 14
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

we talk about this all the time, like nearly every other day really. i have personal health issues, so it’s inevitable that we’ll have these convos. we both agreed to pull the plug if it came down to it because neither of us can bare to see the other suffer, even from a measily little paper cut.

FH was born and raised in DC and that’s where his family is, so he’d stay. i grew up in TX and that’s where my family is, so i’d probably move back assuming i could find work over there that was as equivalent to what i’d be doing here.

as far as finding someone else, that part has been touchy. we both want nothing but happiness for the other, but right now, it hurts to think that there is that possibility that either could find someone else to love, even if either were gone. we’ve both said the "i really cannot imagine living the rest of my life without you" thing, but how true it will be if/when either of us passes before the other… who knows. we agreed to get to that if/when the time comes. hurts my heart right now to even think about it…

Post # 15
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Oh I don’t know. I guess I would probably travel b/c I work to help support us/secure our future together. If he suddenly wasn’t here I probably wouldn’t see the point in my day-to-day.

And while this is morbid, it’s really good to talk/plan for these things. In fact, FH and I just signed papers for life insurance. I’d highly recommend looking into it if you haven’t already. The younger you are the cheaper the policy, esp if you are under 30. 

Post # 16
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

yikes. i would probably sell everything i own and move to an ashram. i hope he can wait 30 or 40 years to pass.

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