(Closed) What if he died tomorrow? :(

posted 12 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

For right now… I’d stay where I am.  We’re living with family until the wedding, so I’d probably be best off just staying with my parents until I was stable again.  I’d probably also go back to school and try to get a Masters on top of my job, just so I would have something to occupy my extra time.  I know I’d keep in contact with his family.  I don’t know when I’d be ok to start dating again.

Post # 33
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Ummm I don’t want to think about it! This may sound gross, but I would probably use his sperm and let his name live on.  He’s the last one with his family name, so if something happened to him then that’s it. So I would do that, and probably take the life insurance money and buy a small house….all after I locked myself in a room and cried hysterically for at least a month

Post # 34
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m facing this… My Mr Complicated has a brain tumor… I don’t know what to do, how to think, how to cope. For now its just getting through each day, and hoping that that last one never comes. A couple of treatment options available, and looking into them. But high likelyhood.

Most likely occurrence? Locking myself in my room and crying, trying not to listen to music, read books, anything that reminds me that my leaning post isn’t there any more. 

(definition of Mr Complicated – too many kilometres between us, love the other and are best friends but both are stuck where we are, and not wanting to break our hearts by making anything *cough cough* "official" and not being able to get the hugs when theyre needed. )

Post # 35
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Weeellll, I’d probably have to go home and live with my mom and dad.  After that, I think that my FH would want me to try to live a normal life and find happiness.  I would probably go on a crusade against whatever ended his life and adopt some babies.  And eat lots of ice cream.

Post # 36
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Well, from a totally practical perspective, that’s what life insurance is for.  My husband actually had no life insurance when we got engaged, despite having sole custody of his two kids (both of whom are now in college).  I sent him down to the insurance office right away.  There is now more than enough to take care of tuition for the next 3+ years, help both kids get a nice start (down payment on a house, a nice wedding for each, maybe some help with graduate school) plus pay off the house where we’re living, and give me a nice cushion to do some travel, or maybe work part time for a while.  I have also upped my life insurance to the same level, as our incomes are about the same – so financially it would be really difficult for him to lose me as well.

On the emotional side of things, I think you just get through it.  Having got through an almost divorce-like break-up (boyfriend and I jointly owned the house where we were living – huge mistake – and then I found out he was sleeping with another woman) and a miscarriage, my experience is that if you keep getting up in the morning, eventually it gets tolerable, and a while later you find that you managed to have a day where you hardly thought about it, and after that presently you find that you’re even happy some of the time.  I doubt I would quit my job, as I know that when things are really bad I desparately need that reason to get out of bed in the morning, and a reason to have to concentrate on something else.  Plus, I work with a bunch of great people who all know my husband really well, and I believe that they would be a great support system.

Post # 37
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We’ve talked about this.  He says that he would be devastated and wouldn’t know what to do without me.  He said that he probably wouldn’t want to live.  🙁 He’s got a wonderful, supportive family that I know would take care of him and hopefully pull him out of the doldrums but it did make me worry to hear that.  I guess we still have some conversations to make.  And buy life insurance together, as someone mentioned in an earlier post. 

As for me, I’m not really sure what I would do.  I would probably end up selling our things and move out of state and be a hermit somewhere in the woods.  But it’s good to have both our famillies who love us and I’d probably not do something that drastic. 

I am so sorry to hear about those who lost their loved ones, that must have been horrible (and still is).  

  

Post # 38
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We’ev never talked abotu it but I would definitely not plan to move out to SD, CA (as i would when we marry).  I’ll work at my job for one more year, save a ton, then go to grad school pt, move downtown and get started on my career.

And if he dies after we’re married,  I’ll likely move back, spend about 3 months traveling, and then go to grad school.  Only then would I be able to settle down and move on, but likely be back in Chicago.  I’ll probably remarry someone just like him.

Post # 39
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am 25 and my fiance is 34, I am very worried about the idea of losing him. I would most likely either go back to my parents or find a girlfriend to live with. There is no way I could afford our housing on just my salary.

Post # 40
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Fiance and I have talked abou this a lot for many reasons.

1. beccause I was engaged once beofre and my Fiance was killed in iraq and it took me many years to be able to move on.

2. because Fi was active USMC before he was hurt in action and now is 100% disabled, which means he cannot work and has physical limits

3. because we have a 19 month old baby and when you have a baby these things comeup because life gets a little more complicated if you arent already married.

 

If my Fiance died I would probably stay in our house and raise our son here. I might eventually move on but I doubt it. We live 4 houses fom my mom and dad so I would have close help if I needed it.

If I died Fi would probably do the same, the only diffrence being his dad (who is from NY) would probably come live in our house with him

 

Post # 41
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee

Not to sound overdramatic, but I would probably move back in with my mom, lock myself in my room for months, and completely shut down emotionally. I just know how I get in these situations, and let’s just say, it wouldn’t be pretty. 🙁

Post # 42
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

First, I would be absolutely devestated. I don’t even know how I would recover from that emotionally. 

I’d be out of a job, as my husband and I own the company I work for and I doubt I could handle it on my own without a lot of luck and some magic… I’d probably end up moving back in with my parents in Montreal until I could get back on my feet. Once I was ready to, I would probably sell our house, find a job and set up my life in Montreal. 

I’d hope I could be as strong as my mom, who suddenly lost her second husband one night. She also shared a business with him, so she was also out of a job and everything. It must have been extremely tough on her, but she powered through it.

Post # 43
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Probably a week after we got married, hubby came home and found me sobbing.

I was just in a panic over this issue. (My stepfather passed away one month after my mom and him got married and “made it official”, so I was a little apprehensive for superstitious reasons).

I really think I would crawl in bed and hide from the world for months, or as long as I could… I’d pay off our house the move somewhere else immedietely where I could have a garden or yard. (Because I would just want to have my dogs outside without me walking them, and I find sunshine therapeutic).

I don’t even want to think about it….I’m so convinced it is going to happen since everyone in my family were early widows. I already have my twenty-something hubby on a low fat, low salt diet, vitamins, and a constant request for cardio.

Post # 44
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is my absolute worst fear in life, 100%. My mom was widowed when I was four and have been convinced this will happen to me as well. I would shut down. I don’t know how I would function without him, he is the glue that holds me together. I pray every day I don’t have to deal with this.

Post # 45
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Almost five years ago, the person I thought I was going to married passed away.  He had an enlarged heart and just collapsed while jogging.

 

After being sad and holed up and getting into little short few weeks relationships to subside my loneliness, I try to heal.  I still am not healed completely. I did meet someone else and we are getting married and I am happy.  It hurts still, I am close with my previous Fiance family.  His mom emailed me just the other day.  She is extremely happy for me but said she wished I was going to be her daughter.  I cried.  I wish so too in many ways, but I don’t know how to explain it.  I mean I could wish for things to be different, and then I would be different?

Post # 46
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would die.

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