Post # 1
I really hope I’m not the only one out there with this issue, but I’m kind of a loner. Well, I love people… but it’s really a select amount. Having social anxiety doesn’t help. I just cant seem to get close to anyone (or muster up any friend making skills as an adult).
I have one best friend who lives farther away and a sister who is totally uncoperative. Other than that, I really dont have anyone else close to me (family or friends) that I would include in my party. I have other friends, that I see maybe three or four times a year, but none close enough to ask to be in my wedding party.
Normally, I wouldn’t mind this. But my fiance is a pretty outgoing and popular guy. He has a pretty large pickings in terms of close male friends to stand up. If it was up to him, he’d have all 7 of his best buds/family members there next to him. But because my side will be 2-3 (a niece as a junior bridesmaid), he doesn’t want to ask anyone other than his brother and best friend.
I feel like the main character from I Love You, Man. Seriously. I keep seeing friends have huge bachelorette parties and showers or their weddings are surronded by sorority friends and old pals… and here I am. Any other hermits out there having problems dealing with the lack of close friends issue? Any words of advice?
Post # 3
i think you will be suprised on how many people will want to be a part of your special day and events leading up to it! If anything bring it up to people you would like to have come so they know you want them there.
Post # 4
I’m in the same boat, well sort of. I have enough for the bridal party because I have sisters and cousins but they are far away. A friend wants to throw me a bridal shower as it get closer to the wedding and I have no one to invite. I don’t even have any one to ask to be usheretts…it really sucks
Post # 5
@ohmybears48: I was in a similar situation for my wedding, so we decided to go without a wedding party. While some things may be different with a small bridal party, it also gives you the opportunity to avoid a lot of Bridesmaid or Best Man drama and have a more intimate experience
Post # 6
@ohmybears48: I am right there with you. I moved cross country at 19, and lost contact with most people I grew up with. I made freinds through my now ex husband, but in the divorce, most friends stayed with his group of friends.
Currently, (other than my dear best friend) I have a few female aquaintances, none that I would want to be in a bridal party. Over the past few years, I have reconnected with a lot of my old friends, but I don’t feel close enough with them to have them in my bridal party anymore.
We mutually decided not to have a bridal party, we will just have my son be our ring bearer. I am totally OK with this decision.
Every once in a while I feel like I need to step back from the “wedding industry standard” and just roll with how we want to do things.
Post # 7
I felt like you too. I don’t really have many friends at all, i.e. 1, who luckily just moved back. Other than that my sis and I don’t really get along. I ended up being forced to put her in my party anyway, and made my bf my Maid/Matron of Honor. My boyfriend is super outgoing and has a ton of friends from all the stages of his life. He could’ve had 12+ ppl in his party if it were up to him. I added his sister because we get along, 2 of my cousins (who I basically only see on holidays), and afterwards a young girl from his side of the family to act as honorary bridesmaid/flower girl just to have someone else in a colored dress so that he could add another guy to his party. However, from the start I talked with my fiancee frankly about my insecurities and he was very understanding. He was willing to just have a best man if I only wanted my bf up there with me. That would be an option for you too. Just talk to him. He knows you, so he will probably understand where you’re coming from. You don’t need a big wedding party to make it special. All his friends will be at the party anyway, and just having a Maid/Matron of Honor and a Bridesmaid or Best Man avoids any awkward “why him and not me” reactions from his other friends. Don’t feel bad about it though. I’m selective and introverted too. It doesn’t mean you aren’t fabulous!
Post # 8
Longtime lurker here who felt moved to post. I was in a somewhat similar situation–and honestly, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I know you see all these images of tons of happy, glowing bridesmaids and hear about crazy bachelorettes and it sounds really exciting and you feel jealous. But then you also hear the horror stories of BMs not getting along, difficulty coordinating everything, girls who don’t order dresses in time, etc. So take comfort in knowing that you won’t have to deal with the logistical and emotional complications of a large wedding party.
On a more fundamental level, remember that this is about you and your Fiance, not about living up to some standard invented by the WIC so they can sell extra overpriced Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. Your Fiance can always honor his friends by asking them to be ushers/including them in the rehearsal dinner/whatever makes sense for you guys.
I personally, being a bit of a recluse, took far more comfort and pleasure in the quality time I spent with my two attendants than I would have if more people had been involved. Plus, having just the two of them allowed me time to reflect on my own emotions and anticipation and really think about the significance and wonder of what my Fiance and I were about to do in a way that probably wouldn’t have been possible with a whole posse of bridesmaids surrounding me.
Post # 9
we’re kind of the opposite, SO would only have two people for his side and I could have like…7-10. We aren’t engaged yet, but we know we just want our men of honors (we both have male best friends) and they will be the only people in our wedding party
Post # 10
I think when you get wedding planning you realise how many friends you have, and if not, family counts too 🙂
I always had the worry I don’t have many friends, but I have more than I think, just not really close ones so that may be like you
Post # 11
I am in a very similiar situation, but neither of us of friends. We had my son at a young age, so we lost contact with most of them because we couldn’t go out and drink every weekend. I only have one best friend but she lives 6 hours away, other then that I may ask my cousin but I haven’t decided that yet.
Post # 12
I’m in a similar situation — I’m not a huge drinker and still in college, so that definitely causes a divide not only with lifetime friends but also with people I’m just getting to know. I decided to have 3 girls with me (two friends and FSIL) and told Fiance he could have however many he wanted. Don’t stress about it, your wedding party isn’t a big deal, the guy you’re marrying is! 🙂
Post # 13
We aren’t having a wedding party. My FH will have just his brother as his Best Man, and his only job is to stand there and hand us the rings. He could’ve had a bunch of guys up there, but we decided early on not to.
I have no female relatives within 15 years on either side of my age. None of my female cousins are even attending the wedding except one, and they were all invited. I barely know the rest of the cousins (male and female), and I have no siblings. My FH only has his one brother, and there are no female cousins on his side at all. So clearly the family option was eliminated for us right away.
I never wanted a wedding party, and likely we wouldn’t have had one even if I had a whole gaggle of girlfriends — but since I don’t, it made the decision even easier. I have one old friend (20 years!) and one friend from high school who will attend, but we’re not close enough anymore for me to feel comfortable with them participating. I didn’t retain any close friends from college either… like some of you, my lack of all-night-drinking apparently pushed them away. I haven’t worked with people my age, and we recently moved to a new state and haven’t met anyone here at all.
Occasionally I wish for those fun chatty conversations I seem to remember having with old friends, and I would love to talk about the wedding with SOMEONE. But frankly, the lack of dress/shoe/hair/jewelry/money drama has been worthwhile, and I would have looked back on any pictures with those older friends and wondered why they were in the wedding.
I won’t say it’s easy, but I feel like so many women have *too many* so-called friends, I’d rather take my time and make new ones in my new life.
Post # 14
I am having a somewhat similar issue in that I have plenty of people about. But I don’t want just anyone in my party. I feel it’s such an honor, and I want people who feel honored, not just fair weather friends who are just wanting to be a part for the sake of being a part but won’t be there for life, who will just dissapear after the wedding. The Fiance and I want people who will be in our lives to share honor on our special day.
Post # 15
I am having just a Maid/Matron of Honor and Fiance is having a best man for similiar reasons (he had to choose between 2 very close friends-love him). I am worried now that there will be more Father-In-Law family friends at the wedding than actual friends of ours. A bridal party of 2 is fine and think of the great time you 3 could have together on the bachlorette party. I know my Maid/Matron of Honor and I are super excited to plan a weekend trip for the 2 of us for my bachlorette party.
Post # 16
I think the number of people you invite to any part of your wedding celebration, whether it is the ceremony, the bachelor party, the reception, or other is up to you. Only tell the people you would really want to be there. Do not feel obligated to do more than that.