Post # 17
@onceinalifetime122113: love it…. I chose a do it all venue as well, they already have decorations we are using free of charge and to add some color I purchaesd 10 table runner’s at $2.70 each. I am not doing flowers, I did a brooch bouquet which I had made for $40, and only a maid of honor which is my sister and his brother and I told her sister to get whatever dress she wanted…. no stress and no drama.
Post # 18
Weddings change over time, that’s all. Having a smaller or simpler wedding is not revolutionary. I’m not sure why so many women feel that it is. Also, everything wasn’t simple and inexpensive in the past, as some previous posters have pointed out.
What if less is more? Well, that question was answered a long time ago. Yes, less can be more.
Post # 19
I don’t think that a fancier affair needs to be more stressful. I am having a somewhat formal 150 person wedding but we are keeping planning low-key, largely possible because money isn’t an issue. This not what I originally wanted. I wanted a wedding like my parents where my grandmother and aunts made food and hosted a reception at their home. A barn-raising everyone-coming-together simple wedding. You know what that requires? A whole hell of a lot of free female domestic labor. Now that women work it’s not possible in the same way, and that reflects more professional opportunity for women. My mom doesn’t have time to cook for everyone. Yes weddings have become more elaborate for many, but they have also become more commercial because of the professionalization of “women’s work” and I don’t think that giving women’s time, and a labor they once did by compulsion, commercial value is necessarily a bad thing.
Post # 20
Less can be more!! I sure wish I had gone that route!!!
Post # 21
I will definitely be going less, my best friend refinanced her house for her huge wedding that lasted…. less than 1 year. No way – I want to get married in an exotic location, but only with a few people there….
ps, my first wedding was in Las Vegas by an Elvis impersinator and it was so much fun and so cheap : )
Post # 22
@creeative1: I feel you i really just want to say the words somewhere pretty thats all i really ever wanted
when i was 12 we were in grade school and asked to write our future life story … 12 year old me got married in a lagoon by water fall bare foot in a lace halter top and wrap skirt that looked like the one the lil mermaid wore on the beach (so like swim wear lol)
now I am planning this big thing … i got ohh i wanna make paper book page flowers for the story of love … my mom is like but real flowers are sooo much better …. i pick outdoors mellow … but no one can sit out side i seriously wanted one of those picnics where everyone sits on pillows like in the woods or at a beach and wanted to borrow dishes form my grans on both sides and some family friends all mis matched lol …. but so many ppl cant get up and down confy and who wants to do that
my wedding is really for my family not me … i found a pretty room i love … were i can see promising my self to my love forever and always where i can have that speical moment even if its nothing i expected to want
i do infact love my venue i squeeled a lil when i saw it … but i dont really care for the flowers or the linen or what plates we eat off or even what food i be happy with wraps form my fav lil mexican place lol i dont need a big cake or anything
i do want a lounge somewhere away form the dancing to sit and talk (mainly b.c. my family laughs and talks for hours and i love teh homey feel of sofas and chairs lol and a rug (so a lounge i wanna have i guess is alot like what ur moms friend hand when she had it at there house lol)
Post # 23
@msmagoo: chuck cuckle at the first wedding… sounds fun.
Post # 24
@Kissed_by_lightning: it’s amazing how people we love can make our wedding about them….. it’s much easier for them to do that when they are paying for it as well. Luckily for me I am an older bride and we are paying for it all ourseles, so my parents said just tell me where you want me to be and what you want me to do. So we have had little to no parent stress. I was watching a movie once where the soon to be bride and groom were totally frustrated over the planning with their parents….. and they were told by a parent, remember… Our wedding, your mairriage”.
Hopefully you will get to at least put some of your touches on the day. like your lounge.
Post # 25
I agree with much of this. But this is NOT exclusively American. Check the average costs of weddings in say, China. Hong Kong. Japan is absolutely NUTS.
So while I agree it’s marketing and such, it is a developed-world thing. Although, China and India are not necessarily developed world (depending on who you ask) but parents take out loans, take on three jobs, etc. etc., to be able to put on an elaborate wedding. This goes back centuries though, I’ve read of people pimping out their wives so they could afford a big wedding for their son (usually court cases from the nineteenth century).
I’ve seen several of my friends get married this year, and I’ve been to one that was OVER THE TOP, and it was in China. We just began calculating how much the favors cost: 10,000 USD (on the FAVORS). The liquor on each table we also added another several tens of thousands of dollars. This doesn’t even include the crazy venue, the bride’s 5 dresses, the incredible meal (which included stewed turtle), the 12-piece band, the fireworks. I think this was a face sort of thing, his father wanted to show his wealth around.
I know some of this is anecdotal (although average cost of wedding is not), but hey, this is not exclusive to America.
Post # 26
@creeative1: I think it’s all about having a wedding within your means. In my opinion, as long as you always put your guests first you will have an amazing wedding regardless of how much was spent.
Post # 27
@giru618: +1, India too. In fact, I read that people are commiting suicide because they can’t pay off wedding debts.
Post # 28
housebee I believe that. Any wedding that lasts 5 DAYS has to cost a boatload.
Post # 29
@creeative1: my mom wanted the more extravagant affair for me. and she is paying for it. but it has not been stressful at all. the first 4 months of my engagement flew by as i booked vendors. then i had a 2 month down periord. now these last 2 months everything is kicked into high gear again. but it’s been a pretty fun experience. granted one i hope to not do again until it is my childrens’ time.
people who stress about things need to step back and relax.
Post # 30
I’m a huge proponent of the “less is more” school of thought.
It’s not really about “less” being “more,” really, but rather, realizing that this culture has lost all sense of the beauty of proportion and obsessively focuses on moar, moar, MOAR. This is true in so many domains. But rarely in life is there anything that isn’t best when balanced, the MOAR philosophy tends to lead to nothing but problems.
What you’re thinking of isn’t “less,” it’s “the right amount.” And yes, that IS infinitely better than “supersized.”
If you look around, it’s plain to see how this cultural problem is not specific just to weddings, but occuring in many different areas of people’s lives.
Post # 31
I think a lot of the stress comes from people thinking they need to have a wedding they can’t afford, to be honest. And if you can’t afford it, you have to fake it till you make it with endless DIY projects – instead of DIY being something crafty sort of people just want to do, there is the pressure to do it to up the ante. And it better be personalized. And it better not be cliche.
The internet has made everyone compare their hometown wedding to weddings in a big city, or weddings that wouldn’t even be something normally done in their circle.
I’m having a moderate sized wedding (120-160) and it has, so far, been completely stress free. I am not feeling any pressure to make stuff for it or give it all these personal touches – it’s a wedding, not my life manifesto. It will symbolize our love because… we’re getting married. Not because I slaved over elements of it. I’m not crafty. Ain’t nobody got time for that.