(Closed) What if, less were more??????????? Weigh in on this one

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
Post # 47
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I totally get what your saying, if I could elope, I would. My parents and his would probably kill us, though. Or I’d at least prefer 30 people on the beach somewhere. This planning stuff just isn’t fun for me, I hate having to make decisions about important things, have the money talks, look at the checklist with all of the things I need to do, etc.

I agree about the spending tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding when you have student loans up the you know what, other debt, no home, etc. To each their own, yes, but it’s a scary thing to hear so many going into so much debt from their wedding when they were already in debt to begin with. I’m trying really REALLY hard to budget well for our wedding. We just started planning for it and I’m trying to cut costs where I can because my fiancé just finished residency this past summer and started his job and of course has some debt from school, as well as I from student loans. And he already splurged big time on my rings because I stressed how important they were to me (most important from the wedding budget), so I’m really trying to be good and not get carried away into the hype of having an “over the top” wedding. It helps that I like simplicity… but I guess I’m not as simple as I thought I was since every day I look at our budget spreadsheet and keep adding more to it, then cringe. :/ 

Post # 48
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m having a “big” and “fancy” wedding, very famous hotel (known for being “the best of the best”,  especially for weddings) and we’re anticipating ~100 guests.  That being said though, everyone is from out of town so it’s a big giant “destination”-style wedding weekend event.  We aren’t, however, planning a wedding we can’t afford or going into debt AT ALL (this was very important to me).  I think the problem arises when people are planning weddings they can’t afford, to me that is childish (think “pretty princess party” for 5 year olds where they want real ponies, etc).  My Fiance and I think spending a weekend “away” with our guests (again, around 100 probably less) at a memorable location (and yes, spending enough that our guests aren’t “put out” in any way and enjoy the experience) that we can afford is much more important than planning an 8000 person event/carnival/whatever.  

 

Post # 49
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I would like to point out that it’s not just United States brides who tend to throw extravagant weddings (notice I didn’t say ‘America’ as that is a continent). There are many countries and cultures in which weddings have long been a big production. In Hispanic culture for example, weddings have traditionally been huge parties with drinking, food, music and dancing involved; That covers over half the contient of America. Greek, Italian, and especially Indian and Persian weddings have also traditionally been huge and elaborate. Now I’m not saying the wedding industry and brides in our country aren’t out of control at times, but your statement comparing wedding traditions in our country to those of other cultures sounds narrow-minded and ill informed. 

Post # 50
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have to admit that weddings in my family were often expensive affairs – think very good London hotels and superb catering – so certainly I cannot look back and suggest that previous generations had simple weddings.

The difference between then and now seems to be that people had the weddings they could afford and were not interested in being persuded by a greedy wedding industry to add completely unecessary extras. Nobody spend thousands of pounds on favours or had boudoir shoots/caricaturists/chocolate fountains/dancing bears and the like. They aimed at simple elegance rather than potentially trashy extravagance.

I also believe that less can be more and my wedding was certainly not extravagant. However it was our perfect day. So I think it is important, regardless of the budget, that weddings reflect the couple getting married, not the sort of shebang that the wedding industry might like everyone to buy into regardless of whether it is affordable. Only there can be nothing worse than realising you have gone horribly into debt for what is, after all, only one single day in your life.

Post # 52
Member
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

I would have been happy doing a brunch or BBQ or something but Fiance is actually the one that wants the whole nine yards. We are doing it on a budget and are able to afford it and not spending a whack of money on dresses or whatever, otherwise there is no way I would agree to it. We are because it is important to him. I think a lot of this comes from seeing a lot of movies with this kind of thing in it and a mixing of cultures. My mom talked about how she had a court house wedding and then maybe 10 people went and ate at a restaurant after. She wore a suit. While  I am not after an expensivedress, I don’t want to wear a skirt suit either, nor do Iwant to be married in the courthouse (nothing wrong with it, it’s just not something I wanted). That’s what my mom wants us to do but we are not.

I also don’t feel stressed about it either, though, because we are paying off debt at the same time and I don’t care about decor or centrepieces. Fiance is happy as long as there is something, and that venue includes simple centrepieces, linens and choice of coloured sash (yay no extra costs!). We are having one bouquet and the rest will not be having bouquets. I’m just really not stressed and am into it. We are also only having 80 guests, so it is not huge compared to many other weddings

Post # 53
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@creeative1:  +1000!! I am having a family and close friends wedding….unfortunately for me! My FIs FAMILY ALONE (yep they are all ascloseasthis) accounts for 68 ppl on our guest list! plus add around 35 for my family and another 10 or so for our closes friends…..and yeah….my simple little church wedding is still going to be a simple wedding….just with alot more people then id ever imagined! we are doing simple decorations, simple flowers, but we are all foodies….so we splurged on food and photography….reception will be simple food, dancing cake, and a cash bar (i know dun dun dun cash bar…..but its what is common in our circle….every wedding has a cash bar or is dry unless you are uber rich and i mean having a fancy shmancy wedding like black tie….if its feer liquor its usually kegs….lmao we have classy freinds)

but i completely agree…..with everything….i have fallen over with what people want paid for wedding related things…..its all about the $$$ but for me i could care less if i get married infront of 5 people at the couthouse in an off the rack dress with lunch after at our favorite spot……my Fiance has wanted a big wedding so we meet in the middle….

Post # 54
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

I tried very hard to keep my wedding to less is more. This was due to a combination of a low budget and my personal values. I can see why people are sucked into it all though, the whole wedding industry is big and persuasive! I would get worked up at times that people would judge my day and think we were too cheap or tacky or unorganized. In the end, I had many people tell me it was their favorite wedding ever! The most important thing to me the day of my wedding was the people, me and my love and my friends and family being their to witness our love.

Post # 55
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My mom loves to tell me how they only spent $500 on their wedding (in ’71). She made her dress and her bridesmaids dresses, ceremony was in the morning, they had cake in the church basement, and that was about it. No alcohol because they were too young anyway. Honeymoon was camping in Cape Cod. 

Post # 57
Member
448 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@creeative1:  +1

I agree with absolutely everything you said! We didn’t have a huge wedding but it ended up larger then we had intended it. Not to mention I switched venues midway through the process and had to reorganize everything. I think in a way weddings have become commercialized these days. My mother couldn’t beieve that people expected to be fed at weddings now. We tried to remember the meaning and what really mattered to us.

I will say even though the wedding got larger and the planning got more stressful, I will never forget the memories my mother and I were able to create throught this process. We agreed on everything and had a lot of fun picking flowers, and colors, and invitations and so on. It got pretty stressful that last week but overall I enjoyed my time with her.

 

Post # 58
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I had a pretty elaborate wedding that caused me an insane amount of stress. When I saw our photos though, I realized that I wouldn’t have changed a thing. As my mother so aptly put it, it’s a wedding, not a family picnic. And as for this being a recent custom, have you seen the weddings the upper classes have had over the millenia? some of the most elaborate over-the-top weddings ever.

@j_lwt13:  lol. i noticed that too. ‘Merica!!!

Post # 59
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@creeative1:  I once heard someone say that people feel they have to have the huge wedding and huge after party because in many cases, that’s what a wedding is- a party or celebration of the relationship. I think that’s great. But, in contrast, 40 years ago, things were very different. A marriage was the beginning of a life together. The purpose of the wedding was to watch and support as two people pledged their lives and their love to eachother. Now, most couples have been living together for several years, and the wedding honestly doesn’t mean too much. Not a lot changes. That’s why the need for the extravagance. 

I wish I could word it as well as he did. It made perfect sense how he said it, but I don’t think my wording is getting the point across as well.

Post # 60
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Our wedding definitely is all about less is more. No limos, no registeries, no bridal shower or engagement party. The venue is free and we are having an unique ten minute ceremony (a mix of Wiccan and native American). No chairs, no seating charts, no ushers, etc. The Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses cost less than $40 per. The groom and groomsmen are wearing grey suits they already own. I am paying $200 for two hours of photography. The reception is a three-minute walk away from the ceremony site. We are having light refreshments, cake, punch and coffee. We are getting three half-sheet cakes instead of some fancy wedding cake. No DJ, no band, no dancing. No reception dress. And it is going to be one of the most beautiful and unique weddings ever!

 

Post # 61
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@laceydoilies:  I agree with you on that one. I am an attorney and going to the courthouse is what I do for work. I didn’t want a wedding there.

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