Post # 1
So my bridesmaids are scattered across the country but my mom really wants a bridal shower in my hometown for my relatives that won’t be able to travel to the wedding. Problem is, none of my bridesmaids have mentioned anything about throwing one. What’s the etiquette here? Do I wait until closer to the wedding date (we’re 4 months away) before letting my mom throw me one? Do I say something to my bridesmaids/MOH? Do I say something to the Bridesmaid or Best Man who lives closest to my hometown (she’s 2 hours away)? I know all the girls are excited to be ‘maids, but I wonder if they’re not sure who makes the first move here or if they’re waiting for my Maid/Matron of Honor to step up?
My Maid/Matron of Honor casually mentioned a few weeks after I asked her, “Let me know what you want to do for showers and a bachelorette party,” but of course that was right after I got engaged and I hadn’t thought about it at all yet. I know she’s also currently the Maid/Matron of Honor for her sister’s wedding, so maybe she’s forgetting about my shower?
Post # 3
Mention it to somoene. I wasn’t in the bridal party for my best friend’s wedding, but I was super involved in the planning – I helped with the bachelorette party, but I sent the MoH an email asking her to take care of the bridal shower. Fast forward three weeks before the wedding – the bride called me and was super disapointed that there was no bridal shower – the MoH had gotten mixed signals from me, and thought she didn’t want one! So, if you absolutely want a bridal shower, communicate with your mom or MoH before it is too late to make sure they are planning one for you. Just drop a few hints, or say “I have to do so-and-so this weekend in Month, but will there be a bridal shower then? I don’t want a scheduling conflict!”
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I’d just ask. Your Maid/Matron of Honor might not have time now after all, but it’s better to know. We were going to have my mom basically throw it and ask the bridesmaids to help her organize it, but one of his family members offered to throw it after all so we just are doing that.
Post # 5
It might be hard for them to organize a bridal shower when they don’t live near your hometown anymore. I would ask them but not make it a big deal if they can’t go. Your mom should probably have the hometown shower sometime soon. These people are being invited to the wedding right (because you shouldn’t invite them to a shower if they aren’t invited to the wedding)?
Post # 6
If you feel weird about your mom hosting a shower for you, maybe you could ask a close female relative. My great aunt is hosting one for me, but my mom is helping her w/ all of the plans, food, etc.
Post # 7
My BMs are all over too. My mom is coordinating everything, not necessarily “throwing” it. I have aunts helping with food and invites, I have BMs making favors, FI’s cousins are putting together games. I just told my mom I wanted one big shower for all sides of my family. Not four seperate ones.
Post # 8
I’d mention it to Maid/Matron of Honor. Also put her in touch with your mom so they can plan in conjunction.
Post # 9
Could you have your mom email your Maid/Matron of Honor to coordinate together? Your Maid/Matron of Honor probably will want to help as much as possible. But, I don’t think it is at all unusual for your family (mother) to plan it.
Post # 10
Call your Maid/Matron of Honor and thank her for asking about the bachelorette party and shower and at the time you were overwhelmed and what be a good time to speak to her about it? Tell her that you don’t expect all your bridesmaids to attend, and that your mom has a list of family and friends she’d like to have.
Suggest that maybe the Maid/Matron of Honor can send out the invitations and take the RSVP’s, but your mom does everything and pays for everything. I am thinking to do RSVP’s by email because it would be a problem for your shower guests to pay long distance to RSVP for a shower. To make it even easier, your mom can do everything including sending out the invites but using the MOH’s name. In this case I think
You are invited to a bridal shower for strickchick
given by Maid/Matron of Honor
hosted by MOB [that way when your mom is running the show, it is clear she’s the host.]
Be up front with your Maid/Matron of Honor about what you expect from her and the other girls.
My personal opinion is to let the bridesmaids off the traveling hook and shower responsibilities. Just get together for a fun bachelorette party.
Post # 11
@Momma: Family members are not supposed to host bridal showers. It’s considered in bad taste as in family asking for gifts. I know some people do it, but it is not considered proper. Usually friend of the MOB will come forward and say “we would like to host a shower for your daughter….” THen it is appropriate for mob to give names of appropriate guests. Sometimes friends of bride in and out of wedding party host showers.