(Closed) What if no one throws me a Bachelorette Party?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
4516 posts
Honey bee

I don’t even mean this is a mean way, but if you don’t have many friends or female family members, who are you expecting to attend?  Do you have a bridal party?  

Post # 3
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If nobody offers to host a bachelorette for you, you may plan a bridal dinner or luncheon or even a spa day with bridesmaids and other friends/family at your own expense. Just don’t call it a bachelorette. 

Post # 4
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Throw your own! Since gifts aren’t expected, it’s really not rude to throw your own. You could also talk to your best friend (and/or your Maid/Matron of Honor, if it’s not the same person) about it, let her know this is something you really want, and ask if she’ll help you coordinate. 

Post # 6
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Do you have any close friends (of either gender) or family members? If so you could do something fun and low-key, like dinner and drinks locally. Those are often the best types of bachelorette parties anyway. My husband wasn’t going to have a bachelor party cause he doesn’t have many male friends, but at the last minute one of his friends was like “LET’S DO THIS” and just spontaneously organized a low-key night on the town for like, the very next day, with a few other dudes in the area. It was very casual, but he had a great time! anyway point is, your bach party doesn’t have to be this huge deal and it doesn’t even have to be all girls.  

Post # 7
348 posts
Helper bee

I guess let’s start with the basics. Do you have a bridal party? If not, I wouldn’t expect to have a Bachelorette party, although I have planned/attended a bach party for a close friend who had no bridal party.

What are you looking for in a Bachelorette party? A nice vacation with your friends? A celebration of your upcoming wedding? Or do you want something bigger- like a week in a city like Nashville or New Orleans, with a group of friends wearing matching “Bride Tribe” shirts, day drinking out of penis straws?

If you just want something low-key, whether it’s a night out or weekend away- I would tell my friends “Hey, all of this wedding planning is stressing me out and I need a break. Would you want to come with me out to a celebratory dinner/for a spa day/for a weekend away to relax before the wedding?” A socially competent person would take that as an opportunity to turn it into a little Bachelorette party- even if it’s just making a toast to you at dinner.

If you want something more elaborate than that, I fear you may be SOL. 

Post # 8
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You want a bachelorette party with your 70 y/o co-workers wives? What exactly are you expecting this party to look like? 

Post # 9
32 posts

Then welcome to the club….

Post # 10
196 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not going to have a bridal party, and this don’t expect a bachelorette party. I am, like other posters, going to host a spa day in the city for a few friends. I don’t plan on paying for their spas (400+ a person is a bit steep). It’s more like a get together with some lady friends, even though I don’t need them to buy me anything!

Post # 12
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’m not into the whole traditional bachelorette thing, hate being the center of attention, and don’t have a wedding party,  so my sisters and i are going to a Korean spa the morning before my afternoon wedding.

I have 4 sisters and we all get along and I’m really looking forward to some low key vegging out inside some saunas,  and then some delicious Korean chicken soup.

  The only issue is that the only time to do it is the morning before the wedding due to 2 of them living in other states. That’s also why the bridal tea is happening the Wednesday evening  before the wedding. Although the tea is for female friends and family and the spa is just sisters and mom might come too,  maybe, mom’s dubious about the experience.

I say do something fun to celebrate your upcoming marriage if you want,  but also dont stress if you do nothing. Fi isn’t doing a bachelor party and isn’t bothered by it. 

Eta: I just read your update oneimamillion,  and think you’re assumin you’ve missed out on something by not partying a lot during college and not having a riotous,  cinematic party. I really don’t think you’re missing out on anything.  If you arent much of a partier,  do you really think you’d find that sort of evening to be fun? I think it’s something more fun in theory than in practice, especially if you don’t have a close relationship with anyone who would share the experience with you. 

Just because you are marrying,  doesn’t mean that your life is over and you can never party. Maybe you can now start making friends with people who party and you can become a part of that scene if it’s something that interests you. 

Post # 13
348 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
oneinamillion :  Don’t be depressed! So much disappointment in life is a reaction to what we feel we “should” have as opposed to what we really want.

It’s even worse surrounding the wedding industry- you “should” meet your life partner in some romantic happenstance way, one to two years later he “should” give you a diamond ring (and the biggest one he can afford, natch), and the proposal should be the most over-the-top, romantic surprise you’ll ever experience, you “should” cry when you find THE dress, the only dress for you like your fiance is the only man for you, you “should” have a big, raucous Bachelorette party with all of your friends in matching outfits, drinking in your honor. The list goes on and on. But you’ll find in real life that so many women don’t have all/most/any of those experiences. 

If you don’t drink and don’t have a group of friends with common interests, would you even enjoy a party? In their simplest form, parties are pretty much just drinking and talking to people (and it’s super tedious if you don’t have something to talk about that you find interesting).

But it does sound like you want to feel special for once, and that’s totally valid. Do your fiance’s friends have girlfriends or wives? Maybe ask him to get their contact info and invite them out to dinner or over for wine and cheese (you don’t have to drink) while the boys are in Mexico. Or invite them out for mani/pedis the day before the wedding. Or go out to dinner with your friends of any gender. 

Post # 14
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

I dunno, I just didn’t have one.  I do have close friends but they’re so spread out geographically I don’t think anyone would’ve been able to make it really.

Post # 15
832 posts
Busy bee

I think this whole issues runs a lot deeper than wanting a bachelorette party. If your wedding is a few months away, why don’t you focus first on making some friends/acquaintences. It sounds like your fiance has a group of male friends, do any of them have significant others that you could try to get to know?

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