(Closed) What if no one throws me a Bachelorette Party?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 17
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

Who would you be expecting to come to this party? You said yourself you don’t have many friends. Maybe just ask your fiancé to send you to the spa for the day. 

Post # 18
Member
13572 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Bachelorette parties are not obligatory and as a matter of fact are traditionally neither recognized nor approved as a pre-wedding event. Many people never had one and are just as married. If no one offers to throw a party in your honor, then you simply don’t get one. 

As mentioned, you can host a luncheon or an evening out ahead of the wedding but that is meant to thank your friends for their support, not be self celebrating. 

Your issue seems to go a lot deeper, though. Just remember, everyone’s situation is different and life is not a contest! 

Post # 19
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
oneinamillion :  That sounds perfectly reasonable. You should absolutely reach out to your friends/family of any gender and plan that. And it doesn’t have to be a once-in-a-lifetime event, either! 

Post # 20
Member
9894 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 I guess I’m still struggling about who exactly you want to attend this party.  If you don’t have any female friends, who is supposed to throw (or even attend) the party?  It’s usually a more intimate affair, so not the spouses of your FI’s friends.  

I would suggest a bridal luncheon or host a spa day for your closest friends (male or female!) and spend the day with people you love. Don’t get hung up on parties that are “supposed” to happen around a wedding.  Focus on the wedding — the day you marry the man who picked you above every other woman in the world. 

Post # 21
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
oneinamillion :  if nobody shows then you might feel even worse, girl. You yourself said you don’t have any female friends or family. Maybe you and a friend can do a spa day and have dinner together.

Post # 22
Member
388 posts
Helper bee

Work on meeting new friends and cultivating your relationship with them. Most friendships require work and effort and while it’s fine to live a simple life you do have to make the effort with people or else find yourself with no friends for things like bachelorette parties/showers and whatnot. I have been in your situation and I felt sorry for myself until I realized that no one was going to make those kinds of outings  happen except me and I needed to put myself out there and invite acquaintances places and hang out until they naturally turned into friends . You need to make friends and have relationships that are meaningful before anyone will want to throw you parties or show up to your parties.If you want to go to the salon or spa then go! Venture outside your comfort zone. Join groups for hobbies you like or could like. Maybe a book club, wine tasting group, hiking group etc. There are hundreds of them all over and many people out there like you who are looking for connections and people to have fun experiences  with. 

Post # 23
Member
25 posts
Newbee

View original reply
oneinamillion :  I organized my own! I asked for input but I organized the whole thing and am collecting payment for accomodations, etc. Turning out fine for me! 😀

Post # 24
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee

Does your Fiance know how you feel? What if you asked him if you could all go out together with his friends and their spouses? You need to make friends, and you might as well start with people that are somewhat connected to you. What about a co-ed engagement party?

If you want to get your nails done and wear a nice outfit, then just do it. Take ownership of your life. 

Post # 25
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

My best friend is getting married in a few months. Since she is from out of town, a lot of her bridal party can’t make many pre-wedding events. She is having a wedding shower (hosted by her soon-to-be MIL), and she and I are going out for a boozy brunch (or lunch, or dinner) before her wedding to celebrate. 

Could you possibly do something similar, with a small friend group? 

Post # 26
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Maybe the secret here is quality over quantity.  Instead of a big boozy blowout with a whole crowd, maybe a special experience with a few really GOOD friends who you genuinely love.  If there isn’t any interest in that and you don’t have enough female relative to fill up a “Smith girls night out” table or something, could you do a day of bonding with your fiance’s sisters, mom, and/or aunts?  They’d probably be really flattered to be asked.

Post # 27
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Okay I’m sorry but I would not invite girlfriends or wives of Fi’s friends if you aren’t already at least semi friendly with them (like you’ve hung out more than once in a group setting, at the very least) because it could make for kind of an awkward night. It wouldn’t be weird to try and befriend them, but a bachelorette might be more pressure on them which would be awkward if you aren’t already friendly. 

Post # 28
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
DogsAndWine :  This was going to be my suggestion as well!

Since it sounds like your Fiance has a good group of friends, try doing something together. Pre-wedding celebrations don’t have to be gender specific or always separating the couple.

Post # 29
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

View original reply
oneinamillion :  You say you want to be surrounded by people who care about you. Who are those people? Just invite them out for drinks/dinner. It doesn’t have to be a complicated event that looks like anything specific. Choose a place you want to try that will allow you to dress up a bit,

All that being said, I agree with PP – this is more about you feeling the lack of a social network than it is about a bachelorette party. If you really feel like you don’t have friends, and that is something you want to change, you have to be willing to change your behavior.

When I found myself feeling socially isolated, I joined an adult recreation league; bowling in my case, though I know they have kickball, ping pong, and lots of other options too. Don’t rely solely on work or your fiancees friend group. You should have your own tribe around you, you just have to make an effort to find them. 

It might not happen in time for the wedding, but it is a worthy undertaking, nevertheless.

Post # 30
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2020

No one planned me one.. was not a big deal to me.

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