(Closed) What if she brings her children, should I let it go?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I normally would say no children to a mostly child free wedding but after reading your post I changed my mind. For one, she seems super excited, her husband is revolving his vacation around your wedding and she’s your favorite cousin. Most important is she’s bringing your mom down and to me that gets a ‘free pass’.

I do want to ask… how well behaved are her children? Is there a baby? If having them there won’t be an issue for either you and your Fiance, I say let it go and thank her for bringing your mom to share your special day with you.

Post # 4
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

If there will be a few other children there, and it is safe/appropriate setting then I would let it slide. She is making arrangements for your mom to be able to attend and that would mean more to me than having a couple extra kids.

Post # 5
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d let it slide. It would be worth the trade to have your mom there!

Post # 6
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d hope she doesn’t bring the kid, but considering she’s taking a lot off your plate for your convenience by bringing your mom, I’d want to make her trip as convenient as possible as well.  I say if she asks in advance mention that it’s a child free wedding, but if the kid actually shows up and is the age where they can be counted on not to be completely disturbing the ceremony, let it go.

Post # 8
7736 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Rather than be surprised, you should talk it over. And if she wants, I say you should let the kids attend.

I can tell you from experience that getting babysitting you can trust in an unfamiliar town is difficult if not impossible. In the unlikely event that anyone grumbles, explain that they had an 8 hour drive and are doing you a huge favour by getting your mother. If they still grumble, tell them you’re the bride and you make the rules :). Or tell them if they want to drive 16 hours and get your mom they can bring their kids too.

p.s. Even if she can get a sitter for the two older ones, she probably can’t for the baby, due to the need to breastfeed. (Pumping is incovenient and not everyone can). Besides, a 4 month old won’t run around and disrupt. I think it’s always ok to make an exception for babies who aren’t mobile (i.e. under about 6-8 months); and parents of older children understand that (or they should).

Post # 9
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would just talk to her about.  Maybe approach it like you’re more than welcome to bring the kids, but if you want to have a night with hubby sans kids I’d be happy to help find a sitter.  Stress that you’re fine either way, but since she’s going out of her way to help you thought it might be nice for the two of them to get out together. 

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