(Closed) What if someone doesn’t give you their address?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@TealaB: I would just send one to those who replied and not worry about the others. It’s just a STD. If they get in touch with you down the road, you can always send them the wedding invitation. 

Post # 4
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

grr, double post!

Post # 5
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I sent out 2 reminders to people, and still never heard from one. I mean seriously.

I would do one reminder, but after that if you still don’t hear from them I wouldn’t worry about it.

Post # 7
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I highly doubt that it’s their way of rejecting the invite–I mean, it’s possible they don’t want to come, but why would anyone ignore the address request instead of doing what normal people do–check the “decline” box on the RSVP card when the invite actually comes? I’d never preemptively tell someone I don’t want to come to their wedding–that’s kind of rude.

THe thing with FB is that just because someone’s active on their wall doesn’t mean that they’re totally ignoring you–writing up statuses and all that stuff is just more interesting than day-to-day minutia–it’s like when I check my email constantly and don’t read obligatory stuff (“I need this from you” “please do this” etc. etc.) until like, 3pm; or I get text messages and will delay responding because they’re sort of chore-like. So maybe they’re just kind of flaky that way.

I’d send one more request–by personal email if you have it–casually worded, and if they don’t respond, then send out the Save-The-Date Cards as planned. When you get closer to the invitation and still want to invite them, send another email expressing your desire for them to come and ask again. And come back the ‘Bee for advice int he event that they STILL ignore you.

Post # 8
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just ask them again. I had to chase some people down for a couple weeks before I got their address. Funnily enough, one of those people was a no-show at the wedding, so I suppose we can all connect the dots there….

Post # 9
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I had one old friend who never got her address to us. Like, never. I emailed, called and facebooked her after a week, a month, and then asked several other friends if anyone had her address (no one did, she had recently moved). We weren’t able to send her an invitation.

About 3 weeks before the wedding, I sent her a final facebook message that basically said, “I don’t know what you never got back to me, but if you’re still interested in coming to the wedding, it’s at [place + date + time], but I need to know so I can tell the caterer. And if I’ve done something to offend you, I want to apologize for whatever it was, and hope we can still be friends, because I really value our friendship.” (but I said it a lot more eloquently, haha).

She responded on FB the Monday before the wedding, apologized, said she was embarrassed, the longer she waited, the more awkward it felt, etc. and that she’d been going through some weird stuff lately (heard later it was a messy breakup with a guy she was seeing), and that she wished she’d responded in time to make the cut off.

I emailed our caterer and added her to our counts, and told her I hoped she liked the chicken. 🙂

Post # 10
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

two of my FIs hometown friends never replied to emails or facebook requests and he doesnt know anyone else who would have their address….so looks like we are not inviting them.  i have spare invitations, if they ever get back to us, we will send them invites.

Post # 11
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@bakerella: I think that’s a very interesting point!! Maybe the lesson is, don’t kill yourself to track down addresses of friends who are less than conscientious!

Post # 12
43 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

@TealaB: I know you said theyare “active” on Facebook… but how so?  If it’s just status updates, they may be sending them in through a different medium.  For example, when I’m out and about and want to update my status, I can use my cell phone and send a text message to 32665.  So others see me updating my status and what not, but since I’m on my phone (which doesn’t have internet) I’m not actually able to log on to Facebook and check my messages or wall or anything.


Like the others said though, I would go ahead and send the Save-The-Date Cards to the addresses you have.  That way you get plenty of time to keep searching for their addresses before you send out the one that matters, the invitation itself.

Post # 13
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If people dont give their address then I wouldnt ask twice. I would just go ahead and send it out to the people who actually provided their addresses

Post # 14
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I had two people not respond to the initial request for mailing addresses. I sent one couresy follow up and then I left it alone. I have them “B-listed” even though they are family, buthonestly… With everything else we haev to do to prepare for the wedding, we shouldn’t have to work that hard to get your address.


Oh, FYI http://www.spokeo.com is a good resource if you know the person’s name & the state where they live. It can also help with the spouse’s name if you don’t know or remember it as well  😉

Post # 15
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would give them 3 chances to respond. send out everyone else’s on time, but save a couple ready to go for them if they ever give you their address!

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