- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
There has been a lot of drama concerning my Fiance in the family. Since his mother died in November 2011 the family has made him an oucast. It’s getting kind of hard to like his family anymore with all this backstabbing, lies and tearing down of character. Yet we are still inviting all of his brothers and sisters to the wedding (they are all married and in the 40’s and 50’s while my Fiance and I are only in our twenties….He was adopted.) He never grew up with any of his siblings and they have always treated him like the baby of the family, they look at him more like an adopted nephew then brother. Which kind of makes me mad anyway….
Before I get to my question let me give you bees a quick overview. My Fiance and his brother are in a secret battle. Mainly this brother is spreading terrible lies about my Fiance (who I will call “V” for this post) and he is trying to turn their father against V, and he has already made a few of his sisters turn against him as well. The thing is this is being done all behind his back, the brother in question has never said anything directly to “V” or me, but we’ve heard him say things behind closed doors (literally) and family has come up to us and told us some of the things he has been saying. Now this brother is getting married and has invited us to his wedding, not to be nice or extend an olive branch but to see if we’ll actually go. Our entire family is Christian and he is gay and is having a same-sex marriage and to me personally that is not a problem – HE is. We don’t want to go because we do not want to be around him however if we do not go he will surely tell everyone that it is because we hate gay people and we’re narrow-minded. He is a very spiteful, angry person and does not do things or give things unless he gets something out of it, especially a say.
With all this turmoil running a muck in our relationship with V’s family I am scared to be honest. We are getting married in July 2013 and his brother’s wedding is August 12th 2012. We are inviting all of the family except him because honestly we don’t want him around us, to me he is dangerous and I feel he would try and ruin our wedding day. However I have this gnawing feeling in the back of my mind that if we do not go to his wedding, he will force his brother’s and sisters not to come to our wedding. You might be thinking to yourself right now, “That is a little ridiculous! You don’t know that for sure, he might surprise you maybe you should try extending an olive branch to him and have him go to your wedding, he may end up being very nice!” Please, please, please believe me when I say he is not that kind of person. Since V was young his brother has not liked him and now that their mother has passed away his hate towards V has only grown and he is currently trying his hardest to get V out of the family and the worst part about it is family members are listening to him because they don’t want to make him mad.
We’ve tried getting help from other family members, we’ve tried talking but they’ve all said that “That’s just how he is and once he thinks something about someone it sticks.” This brother in question has never tried to be apart of my FI’s life, but he’s always tried to have a say in it that’s for sure. I am wondering now what should we do if the family does not come? Of course we could send out more invites to our friends but it would hurt V so much if his family wouldn’t come to his wedding. He is very family oriented and this is the first time he has ever expressed such a hate about him. Everyone gets along with my Fiance, everyone. He would sooner give the shirt off his back then do something to go against anyone.
Lastly, the idea of actually talking to V’s brother is a hard cookie to crack. He is very argumentative and shouts people down to try and prove that he is right. Neither one of us want to get into an argument with him, we don’t want him to yell at us.
Have you bees had anything similar happen to you? What is your advice on something like this? Is there advice?