(Closed) What if they don't come to make a statement? [In Law Woes]

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My Fiance is adopted and has an age gap with the two natural born sisters. I’m sorry that you have this overbearing person in your life, and it is very frustrating to have to be cornered into doing something just so you won’t be bad mouthed.

However, my take on it is this: you are not the only person in the world who realizes that this brother is overbearing and full of crap. Everyone he meets probably sees it and they don’t like him either. With that said, it’s a sure thing that the people within his own family know this about him and will probably not agree with any of the things that he might say about you. Now, they might let him say it to shut him up, but that doesn’t mean they subscribe to what he’s saying.

You should watch some programs about bullies, cause it will help you see that a lot of times no one in the room agrees with the bully, but they will not shut the bully up without support from others. I saw a program where they kids in the room let the bully go on and on until one person stood up and said something. Then, that person began to get some support from others in the room who’d been too scared to speak up at first.

I saw it also on a “what would you do” kind of program where a woman was being racially discriminated against in a store and the other customers were silent until two white women stood up and berated the bully. Once that happened, all the other people no matter their race walked out the store with the person being bullied and the two women who’d stood up for her.

So please keep this in mind when dealing with his family. Sometimes it’s easier for people to be quiet than to speak against a bully.

I don’t really know how to advise you except to tell you to do what feels good on your heart with the knowledge that people are probably silently supporting you.

Post # 5
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Oh, and if the family does stand behind the brother or believe what he says, then you know right off the bat who’s really on the side of your marriage. I’d rather know that up front than to find out because of things behind my back.

If the family members start declining the RSVP’s, then ask them why. If they are honest enough to say it’s because you don’t like gay people, then take that as an opportunity to explain how that is not the case. Explain to them that the two brothers have unresolved issues and you don’t want the brother’s personal issues with your Fiance to infect the rest of the FI’s relationships with the family, and ask them to reconsider coming.

But I think that an effort toward healing would be for you to attend the wedding. And you should take any and all chances to heal relationships with others in the family. Do not allow this brother to force you two out of the family. He’s just one person.

This brother wants to destroy unity and the best way to fight that is with confidence, truth, love, and forgiveness.

Post # 6
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@JoJoDahling:  You’re welcome. I don’t know why I got so interested in your situation, but I posted again, and the thoughts that keep going through my head are that nothing can outshine love. No darkness can put out a light of kindess. His evil attitude cannot stand in the face of love and kindess.

So if you really want to shrink that beast, I’d say love it out of him. Don’t yell, don’t argue, just stand up to him with love and kindess and truth. What can beat those things? Just remember that you are the sun and no darkness can exist in your presence. Radiate that out of you while dealing with him and his meanness must shrink away. kind of like the Who’s did to the Grinch, remember? LOL

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