(Closed) what if you do not like the engagement ring?

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Did he keep the old setting?

Post # 5
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

He altered her family heirloom without permission? I guess I understand he was trying to be nice, but he crossed a huge boundary in my opinion. She had a right to expect to receive her heirloom back! He needs to fix this ASAP. He better pray they still have the original setting at the jewelry shop.

Post # 7
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Normally I think people should accept the ring their finace gave them as is.. BUT.. this is a totally unique situation.  I believe she is totally within her rights to tell him she wants to wear the ring exactly as her grandmother did and put the diamond back in the old setting.  That was a not cool move by him.

Post # 8
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow, I agree with snmcdowell.  She should explain to him that the ring has sentimental value and is very important to her. 

Post # 10
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I vote her being open and honest with her fiance about her feelings about the ring(s).  There are things you just have to be straight forward about.  I hope he loves her enough to understand her feelings about her grandmother’s ring and the one he picked out.

Post # 11
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d say she needs to be honest with him. Clearly both the diamond AND the setting were something that meant a lot to her and she wanted them together. She should let him know that she feels this way.

Or she could do something like I did: my mother gave me my great grandmother’s engagement ring. I knew the setting was something I wouldn’t wear and that my mother was very sentimential about it. So I had it fixed up and put her birthstone in in place of the diamond. Then I kept the diamond and put it in a setting that I felt I would wear. Maybe she could do this and then have two rings? Just an alternate suggestion.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, first of all, he altered it DESPITE her telling him she didn’t want it done. You don’t mess with a family heirloom from the bride’s side UNLESS the bride says it’s ok. Ugh, i’d be livid; in my opinion, it wasn’t his to mess with, and i’d be just as upset.

Frankly, i’d just say, “you know honey, i asked you not to alter the setting and you did it anyways and i want the old setting with my grandmother’s diamond in it”. If she just hates the modern setting, well, maybe she can get a pair of earrings or something instead–she’s not modern, there’s nothing you can do about it. Otherwise i’d drop a pretty gemstone in there down the road. I wouldn’t sugarcoat it or be excessively honey-bunny about it because if I say something, i expect my FI to listen, not throw what i say out the window and do the opposite. In fact, i’d be hurt if he did something like this! I would be very honest, frank, and straight forward about it. And i’d be very grateful he didn’t exchange the setting or anything!!!

Post # 13
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Get that ring back to the way it was supposed to be. Be honest and up front about it.. better sooner than later. And take the setting likes and throw another precious stone in for a right hand ring – badda bing badda boom everyone’s happy. And the extra expense should teach him a lesson about not listening to his future wife.. 😉 Happy wife, happy life.

Post # 14
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh my. That ring needs to be returned to it’s original disposition IMMEDIATELY. No discussion needed.

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