(Closed) What if you found a list of "goals"?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would guess that he may have written it down because she was giving him a hard time about it and he felt obligated. Even if maybe he didn’t want to, maybe he felt like he “should” or she made him feel like it was the right thing to do. 

I think it’s cute that he has a goals list though, he sounds very ambitious!

Post # 4
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It seems to me like it’s a combo of two things. 1) A generic life goal. 2) A goal he set because his then girlfriend was really pushing it.

Ultimately I wouldn’t worry about it because he never proposed and they never married. But if it’s something that nags at you a bit then bring it up to him. Show him you found it, ask about his goals at the time, and use this as an opportunity to set some real goals for yourselves both as individuals and as husband and wife.

Post # 5
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I WISH my So would make a goal list!!

Post # 6
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Why don’t you talk to him about it? Since you already stated that you’re not jealous, make sure you convey to him that you’re not interrogating him. It might just be a fun thing to discuss! 

Post # 7
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly, even if he thought it was what he wanted at the time, he didn’t marry her. Who cares who called it off, it didn’t happen because it wasn’t supposed to happen. You married your best friend, and (as far as I can tell) are blissfully happy in newlywedded life.  This is not worth worrying about, and certainly not worth getting upset over. It was a long time ago. 

10 Years ago, I was dead sure that I would get married to my boyfriend as soon as I finished undergrad and became a history teacher in the area where I grew up. That’s all I wanted in the world. 

Now I am married to a man who is so wonderful for me that I often can’t believe my luck. I have a Master’s degree in International Law, a decent career, live 9000 miles away from where I grew up — in a war zone (Seriously, who would have guessed THAT?). I truly believe this is the life I am supposed to live, and I’m over the moon that my Darling Husband and I continually challenge one another to think bigger and reach higher. HS Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are still good friends, but man am I glad none of that happened. 

If you think you need to, bring it up to your Darling Husband. Listen to what he has to say. Think about where you were 7-10 years ago or whenever it was written, and just move on. ; )


Post # 8
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

That list sounds like a New Year’s Resolutions list.  The way he worded his engagment goal seems very general, and if it really was a list from the beginning of the year, he gave himself the whole year to get around to it.  I’m thinking that it was more of a theoretical goal, like, “by the end of the year I should be at the engagement stage so I can stay on my overall plan to have a family in 5 years.”  We’ve all had those kinds of goals, and you can still have the goals independent from the relationship you are in when you formulate them.  Maybe he was dating this girl, and he was calculating his life timeline, hoping she might end up being someone he would want to propose to.  But, in the end, she just wasn’t doing it for him.

Wow, she really screwed up his schedule! 🙂

You should definitely talk to him about it if this isn’t going to be an awkward or trouble-making event to face.  It will be hilarious to ask him about it and all the other stuff on the list.  And it will be fun to figure out how he was thinking about life before he met you.  Then you should ask him what that list would look like if he made one now.  He would probably just pull his current list out of his pocket–I’ll bet he’s got one! Fun times with the Adages 🙂

Post # 10
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It would make me feel a little funny – I understand. 

HOWEVER, if getting engaged to his ex was truly a goal that he wanted and felt strongly about, he would have. He married you. I think that action speaks 1,000x louder than a silly goal on a piece of paper 🙂 

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