(Closed) What if you WANT to change your name but DONT LIKE your husbands name?

posted 9 years ago in Names
Post # 33
Member
1993 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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@smiles731:  It is NOW!  I’m from Louisiana, and that’s a very common French name there, so it wasn’t *as* bad there, but anywhere else we went when we traveled, or if he sent his resume out or something, people ALWAYS made jokes!  I was so fearful that it would be even worse for a woman.  We checked into a hotel in New York one time and the front desk agent laughed and said, “Nice to meet you Souileaus…My last name is Spitz.”  COME ON!!!!

Post # 34
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh, I hate FI’s last name.  It’s definitely mockable. I won’t say what it is, but it’s definitely bad (along the lines of Focker or Buttz).  On the other hand, I grew up in an area where my own last name had clout… there was another family (unrelated) with the same semi-unusual name.  They own a famous company located in my hometown and they’re heavily involved in politics.  So people would be like “Oh, you’re a So-and-so??” It got me jobs and even got me out of a ticket once!  I’ll be taking FI’s name, but I’m not thrilled about it. I don’t think I want to deal with hyphenation, but I’m sad to let my name go completely. 

Post # 35
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am so glad to see that I am not the only one with this dilemma.

Ultimately Fiance really wants me to take his last name so I likely will, I just wish it were easier to pronounce.

I REALLY like my last name. It never fails to intrigue people – I look Spanish but my last name is very similar to the name of Greek city, so people often say “Oh you’re Greek? I thought you were Spanish” to which I reply “Actually, I’m 100% Italian.“ Plus, my last name also has a cool story behind it which I love telling people about: My grandfather was born in Italy out of wedlock, his parents had kept the pregnancy a secret. He was abandoned because of the shame it would cause the family and left on the steps of a convent. Nuns took him in, gave him his name, and found a good home for him. I feel like if I take his name, I will lose a piece of history.

Post # 36
Member
6244 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I really like my name.  Fiance wants me to take his name.  I don’t want to because his name is actually a word that means something, erm, very intimate to women.  It would be awkward plus I really dislike it.  Recently we agreed to look into changing both of our last names.  His parent’s changed their last name when they came to this country, no one is sure why.  His parent’s have since divorced and his mother went back to her maiden name.  His father has FI’s last name, but Fiance doesn’t have much of a relationship with his biological father since he lives across the country.  Fiance said it would mean a lot to him if we would take his family’s true last name, meaning the last name of his family overseas with whom he visits every so often.  It would mean that we could carry on the family name, aaaaand Fiance and I (and our future children) would all have the same last name.  I really like this idea.

Post # 37
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I’m in this dilemma too – and I’d really appreciate any advice.

 

I hate my current surname. It’s my fathers name, he was abusive and horrible and I cant wait to change it. 

My man’s surname is a word that is can be loosely translated as ‘shower’, or as ‘vaginal wash’ or used as a derogitory adjective. Granted, it has an accent to make it aurally sound different – ie changing a silent ‘e’ sound to a ‘ay’. Needless to say, I dont want that either.

 

I’m outspoken and stubborn (at times) and have no warm feelings towards a surname. I changed my first-name at 9 years old because I didnt like the one my parents chose. 🙂 
On the contrary, He’s very traditional, contiencious and drama-adverse, and doesn’t want to ruffle the feathers of his well-meaning but somewhat intimidating dad (who was a teacher and never had any dramas  being called by his surname – since when southpark has popularised the names use.)

 

He’s willing to change the spelling of his surname to be more phonetic, as he’s tired of the hassle and mispronounciation he recieves, and the ‘is that actually your name?!’ comments. But, I dont think it would make much difference.

I have suggested coming up with an entirely new surname as we are starting our own family unit. I would feel like we’re our own couple not his parents belongings – which is totally up my alley, but no so much his.

After he didn’t like that idea, my mum suggested I (tactfully – not my strong suit) bring up the idea of taking his middlename (his fathers fathers first name) as our surname. I pitched it to him while he was a little inebriated! He thought it was a great idea, and held that view for the last 6 months. Now, he just wants to spell it differently as he feels as though it is a big part of him, and it would be insulting to his family/fathers name. 
The other day while discussing this he said ‘Well if you dont want my surname then why not just marry someone else?’ and although he was joking, there’s always a little grain of truth in every joke.

 

Am I being petty/stubborn? Part of me says I should be thankful for the compromise he’s willing to make, that I should just suck it up, and do what his mother did and take the damn surname. Part of me feels sorry for my future children who will have this name thrust upon them, and I should dig my heels in. Part of me feels like I should discuss it with his dad, and gauge a reaction. 

THOUGHTS?! :/ 

Post # 38
Member
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@esther-terrestrial:  It seems to me like you have a small piece o the fabric ripped back and it wouldn’t take *too* much to tear if all the way off. By this I mean that you planted the idea of a name change, he took the bait, and then he sort of reverted; but because you were able to get the idea to stick for bit, you may be able to get him to see your side if you dig your heels in a bit.

 

I dislike my future last name as well. Unfortunately for me, my Fiance is incredibly averse to taking my last name which is easy to pronounce, doesn’t mean anything funny, and sounds good with literally any first name. His last name sounds really silly with my first name. My dad also agrees that I need to take my FI’s last name (I don’t even think his family would care that much if I didn’t take it. His mom still has her maiden name).

I think the best way to avoid any name drama on a cultural level would be if the wife took her maiden name as her middle name, the husband took his last name as his middle name, and together they decided on a sir name that they could share. That just seems so much more fair.

Post # 39
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Oh. I love my SOs surname. And would really like to take it as mine. But it sounds horrible with my first name. It alliterates and has so many common letters that it sounds comical. :/ (actually, it goes great with my first name. Which I have never been called, ever. I go by my middle name which is the offender. I considered trying to make everyone call me my proper first name but everyone hattteeesssss it. Sigh). 

Post # 40
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@ohheavenlyday:  Your memory, haha, so funny that you remember the story just because of that name

Post # 41
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I absolutely hate my last name so I’ve always wanted to change. Hasn’t been an issue with my Fiance (he has a great surname) but my ex’s last name was even worse than my current one! Had I married him, I would have changed my name to my mum’s maiden name, which I’ve always liked, and used his as a middle name.

Post # 42
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@esther-terrestrial:  Don’t take that name, it’s with you forever – professionally as well as personally. Your kids will be teased at school! 

What about your mother’s or his mother’s maiden name, or some kind of mesh of the two? I really don’t understand why women feel like they have to change their names, but men can be so stubborn.  My FH was stubborn about the two of us hyphenating, so I’m keeping my own name which is French and much nicer than his anyway.  

Post # 43
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We’re taking his middle name for a bunch of reasons- he will legally be switching his middle to his last name before we get married to make the paperwork easier on my side. 😛

I love the idea of starting a new family with him- one that doesn’t favor one side or another. We talked about taking my last name (he felt weird taking my father’s name, and even weirder taking my mother’s maiden name) or picking a new one together that we loved. Eventually we settled on his middle name, and he can’t wait to make the change.

We’ve started making all resturant reservations under that name too 🙂

I say do whatever makes you all the happiest, but don’t feel bound by tradition.

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