(Closed) what if your friend's fiance posted this on FB???

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
1629 posts
Bumble bee

What would I do? I would mind my own business. 

Post # 32
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

He sounds like an uneducated loser.

She sounds like a low self esteem girl working on a serious eating disorder.

You should stay out of it, no one will thank you for your input. Also experience tells me if he finds out you criticized his behavior he could have some hurtful things to say that will make continuing your friendship difficult 

Post # 33
6302 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Mind your own business. How do you know they weren’t joking? My DH, and many of our friends, joke around like that ALL the time. It’s not shaming each other, we’re just teasing – and no one gets butt-hurt over it. Now if this guy was an ass to her daily and you’ve witnessed it first hand, ok. But before you start judging them and how they live, you should probably step back and make sure you know the whole story. FWIW, most people who are very into fitness aren’t “starving” themselves. They’re likely following a clean/paelo diet which encourages you to eat 80/20 – which basically means following it most of the time but allowing yourself some cheat days. 

Post # 34
2268 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

People have weird relationships. If people heard me and my DH and the comments we make to each other, they’d think we are nuts. I’m guessing he meant it as a joke, but in text things can be swayed. I suggest if this friend is really affecting you, you unfollow her on FB. Still friends, but she won’t be in your main feed.

Post # 35
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You’re coming across suuuuuper judgemental masked with a facade of ‘concern’. If you’re worried about her – talk to her. But leave out the “OMG THEY EAT DISGUSTINGLY FATTENING GLUTINOUS FOOD ALL THE TIME ON THE WEEKENDS” shit. Seriously? You don’t want her dieting but god forbid she has ice cream on the weekends? I mean seriously, which side of this argument are you on here?

I usually really really hate using this word but I have to say it sounds like you might be a little jealous. Keep in mind, fb only shows a fraction of what’s really going on.

Post # 36
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

I know some people are seriously worried for her, but my Fiance and I joke around all the time. He is in no way fat shaming me for real. I told him I wanted to get up and workout in the mornings and so he encourages me to do that, sometimes people think he is being mean, but he’s really trying to do what I asked him to do. 

I wouldn’t worry too much about it, if she confides in you something, then fine, but as it is, I’m guessing its just a little fun between them on facebook.

Post # 37
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

i am going to agree with other Bees, it sounds like you are the one with the issues here and kind of projecting onto your friend. people find motivation in all different ways…(i’ve told my Fiance that sometimes i need him to tell me to get off my ass and get to the gym.) and you have no idea the context of the comment/joke. plus, unless she’s like over 6 foot, 130lbs doesn’t sound scary thin.  

and, not for nothing, but i think you should take it easy on the judgements of what they eat on weekends. i have read studies that show there is some benefits to heavily dieting a few days a week and then seriously indulding on other days … the idea is that it keeps the body from going into starvation mode. maybe your friend has read those same studies and that is the diet plan they are following. 


Post # 38
4398 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My first thought would be that he’s probably joking and has a sarcastic sense of humour (which I also have, and am very often misunderstood).

I don’t see why you’re so fussed about her posting about her fitness/eating etc on FB. I know a lot of people do it so they feel “accountable”. It’s not hurting anyone, but if you don’t like it, there’s an unfollow button for just that reason.

Post # 39
341 posts
Helper bee

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beebee1983:  +1

I’m 120lbs and my SO and I always joke about being “fat” :p my mom and his family are actually in on it, too. Like “I got you an quadruple XL because I know you have a hard time finding clothes that fit…” When they actually got me my size 😓 

It’s just how we’ve always been

Post # 40
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

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Stace126:  Judging by your posts here and in the thread you linked, you have issues of your own to deal with. If your friend’s posts irritate you so much, why do you read them all, even the lengthy ones (as mentioned in the other thread). Yes, her Fiance sounds a bit douchey (Good girl. I’m picturing him giving her head a few pats & tossing her a bone) but 130 pounds is a pretty healthy weight (unless she’s quite tall) If some of her practices are worrying, then have a talk with her, but I think your sensitivity about your own weight is leading you to follow her a bit obsessively on FB. This is the friend you formerly ‘loved being curvy’ with while making cracks about skinny girls and eating Mexican food and ice-cream together. Now she’s become focused on fitness and diets, perhaps to an irritating or even worrying degree, while you’ve gone the other extreme and put on quite a few pounds.

Maybe you don’t realize when you talk about their weekend ‘cheat days’, you sound very resentful- but in all honesty I think this has more to do with your friend being 130 pounds and still able to enjoy ice cream and grilled cheese than true concern over her practices. If her endless posts about workouts & what she’s eaten or not eaten bother you, stop fixating on them and focus on what you want to fix about yourself.  

It’s hard losing weight- it really is. But I think if you stop focusing on all of her posts and feeling bad about yourself you’ll feel much happier. Be there for her as a friend, but stop watching her Facebook like it’s a reality show. 

Post # 41
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Mind your business. Alot of her issues, are your issues that your projecting on to her. 

Post # 43
3052 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
alamana:  me too!


Post # 44
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Stace126:  I definitely would not get involved. For all you know, that’s their humor and he was being completely sarcastic (without even knowing him, that’s probably most likely). 

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