(Closed) What if your MOH did this…..

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
361 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have to say that the dress thing would bother me a bit. If it was worn before the wedding I’d be a bit bothered that it wasn’t kept for the wedding. Especially if you payed for it. The bridal salon thing, IMO isn’t that bad- perhaps cos I went with my Mum and Auntie because they have similar tastes to me. Although it’s always nice to know your Maid/Matron of Honor and BM(s) are excited about your wedding, and perhaps you feel that these things combined imply that she just isn’t. If I were you- I probs wouldn’t ‘demote’ her as it will cause bad feeling, and may caste a shadow over your wedding and your friendship.

Given previous comments it’s clear that people feel differently about the dress scenario and perhaps she just didn’t see it as an issue and didn’t know it would bother you. (It would have been a nightmare mind if she had done something to stain or damage the dress mind- that would bother me ALOT if I were to wear a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress out and about BEFORE the wedding I was in- I’d be terrified to move lol).

Perhaps have a chat with her, approach it very nicely and say you feel she isn’t that in to being in the wedding party. You may well find out that she didn’t mean for you to feel that way at all.

Post # 33
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

okay what???  you’re upset that she wore a dress she owns to something other than your wedding.  I say get over it.  That is no big deal.  Seriously – in the big realm of things THATS whats stressing you out?  I assume that any Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor is responsible enough to take care of their own things and I don’t have to baby them – this includes making sure their dresses are fresh, clean, alterered and dry cleaned wedding day. 

there’s probably something else your’e worried about.  when brides stress over these tiny things it makes me wonder if it’s not the marriage its self their worried over.

Post # 34
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Mayra, Let me start by saying, I understand your frustrations! It’s really hard to cope when you’re supposed to be celebrating this wonderful time with friends and family and it seems that you’re the only one who cares! I’m there, too! It’s so incredibly frustrating when you think (correctly) that everyone involved with your wedding will treat it with the same sanctity and respect that you and the Fiance are. But, alas, common sense rarely prevails in these situations.

Before you go and dump your Maid/Matron of Honor though, I have to ask, have you called her out on her behavior?

Unfortunately we assume that people are on the exact same page when it comes to their duties, attitudes and behaviors when they just aren’t. As frustrating as that is, you need to give her the benefit of the doubt. Dumping your Maid/Matron of Honor will be a VERY uncomfortable and difficult conversation. Perhaps to save both of you some grief (and the friendship) you should have an honest talk about how you’re feeling about everything that’s gone down so far. You might be shocked to see that this will come as a complete surprise to her! We try so hard to make everyone else happy and keep the waters as calm as possible that we forget that in doing that, you’re preventing the ones around you from knowing your true feelings.

My advice, if you’re going to have an uncomfortable conversation, why not makes it a productive one. You might come out on the other end of it really happy and closer to your Maid/Matron of Honor than you have in a while. But, you also might not, and may need to make that decision to give her the boot. Either way you’ve done all you can to make a rational decision! Emotions are high! Take a deep breath, choose your words wisely and open a channel of dialogue! I hope it all works out for the best!!!

 

(link removed due to self promotion policy – sorry!)

Post # 35
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree with everyone as well except I’m keeping everything under wraps- colors, dresses, flower choices, etc. So, if one of my BMs wears the dress before the wedding then other ppl could see and where’s the surprise on wedding day? It’s your wedding.

Post # 36
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Mrs.Elivs: why would anyone at a graduation (presumably family events usually) be at her friends wedding?  Plus if the graduation or event is before the wedding how would they know?  Just don’t mention that it’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress at an upcoming wedding of something they dont know!  Plus if the graduation is after (op didn’t specify) then there is absolutely problem.

Post # 37
Member
1496 posts
Bumble bee

@Mayra.Mendoza: I am sorry you felt like your Maid/Matron of Honor wasn’t there to support you. I *think* that is the main root cause for your frustration right? I know what it feels like when you’re so happy and excited because you’re getting married and no one really cares. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that your sister is more supportive of you and your big day. Just remember that being a bridesmaid is a lot of work and even though your wedding is VERY important, it isn’t everyone else’s number one priority likes it is yours. But I think you know that already Wink

Post # 38
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would never think it was ok to wear a bridesmaid dress before the wedding without asking.  What if she spilled something on it and ruined it?  Especially because you mentioned that you actually paid for the dress (was I the only one that caught that?)

Previous responses were saying that the party might have different people there than at the actual wedding… but there’s always facebook, I’m sure people have probably taken pictures of her and posted them.

Also, I agree that there seems to be deeper issues than just the dress, and in this case, I think it’s best to ask your sister to take her place. After all, if things ever got worse in the friendship, you’re not going to want to think about the Maid/Matron of Honor of your own wedding years down the road and think “oh yeah, I used to be friends with her.”

I totally agree with  @Miss BrokeEverAfter, if you want to salvage things and avoid hurting her feelings, a talk is a good idea.  Like BrokeEverAfter said, she might not even realize that there are problems and that you are feeling this way.

Post # 39
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yes, I would be upset if my Maid/Matron of Honor wore the dress before the wedding.  Afterwards, I wouldn’t care. 

In regards to changing her Maid/Matron of Honor status, I am going to through the same thing.  I have to tell me best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor that I am “demoting” her although not in those words.  I think it is better to be proactive and tell her very nicely as soon as possible.   The longer you wait, the harder it will be. 

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