Post # 1
Following an argument with Fiance after he stayed out unexpectedly till 1.30am (for the 2nd time), only telling me hours before that he’d ‘be back a bit later’, I’m wondering how you and your partner communicate when one of you goes out?
If your other half goes out and stays out much later than expected, are you happy with an ‘i’ll be late dear’ text or do you expect to know where he is and who he’s with?
If he’s not going to be back when he said he is, I want to know who it is he’s hanging out with till the wee hours… unreasonable?
Post # 3
The way I look at it Fi is not my child. I would like to know if he is going to be late like a quick little text or something. I don’t need to know everyone he is with where he is or exactly what he is doing because I trust him. Just like he trusts me and I do not need to share all this info with him either… (I usually do anyways but not the point)
ETA it is not because I am “Easy going” it is because he is a damn adult and I am not his mother….
Post # 5
I expect a level of respect, and as a respect to me, I’d like to know where he is and an estimated ETA- I’m not really concerned who he’s with, but it would be cool to know that too if he wants to share. I would get very worried if he was supposed to be home at 12 and he still wasn’t back at 2. I wouldn’t think he was cheating or anything, but I would worry that he had been in an accident. If I had to go out looking for him, and I knew where he was, I would have a starting point.
Post # 6
i like to know who hes with out of curiosity mostly, and when he’ll be back so that i don’t worry. its not that i care who he is with or when he’ll be home, i would just perfer to know. basically what @TriciaAndDazzling
said haha 🙂
Post # 7
I’d be fine with a text. I would not be fine if he told me that he’d be home at a certain time, was super late and never called or texted me to let me know. That would tick me off regardless of who he was with.
We usually tell each other where we’re going and what we’re doing, but that’s more because I tend to overshare. lol We also have a lot of the same friends, but do different things with different people. Many of my/our friends are guys (my best friend other than DH is a guy and a distant past ex!).
I don’t know if you’re being unreasonable…I guess I would wonder why you want to know who he’s with. Is it because it’s so late or you want to know why his plans have changed? Is there anyone that he could decide to hang out with that you don’t want him to hang out with? I think that it’s potentially unreasonable and depends on your motives.
Post # 8
My Fiance always sends me a text if he will be in later than expected. I don’t demand to know details cause he freely will give them to me.
Post # 9
for me its who, where, why and what time will you be back.
one night i dropped him off for a work function and when i picked him up later that night (it was a bad area to leave his car parked in the street) he had a gentlemans club madam/ex stripper with him…… she was sitting at his table as another business owner and they talk and found out she lived in the same suburb so he offered her a lift. i still tease hubby about bringing home a stripper (she was lovely btw)
Post # 10
When DH and I were first dating, he went out to a happy hour after work one night. He came home around 7 and I thought he was home for the night. He actually came home to tell me the group was going to dinner and he would be back around 10. I waited and waited. He came home at 3 am. I was livid. Turns out his boss was trying to hook him up with his niece and it was her going away party. He said she went home with some guy from the club they went to. I almost ended our relationship b/c of him not calling me once the plans changed. I just recently found out the truth (that the entire night was planned including the clubbing) 3 months after we got married….he let me read their emails.
Since that incident happened the first weekend I moved in, he has not once gone out w/o me … He has married coworkers who do this (saying they’ll be home around 10 and coming home after 2 am) all the time to their wives who are at home taking care of the kids. Finding out the truth really stirred up some insecurities so he doesn’t even ask about going out w/o me.
Post # 11
It’s mostly because I think it’s respectful to be open. I always say where i’m going and who i’m with and if I’m late, I’ll get a taxi. I was mostly pissed because he’d asked me to pick him up and had said it would be quite early. I sat in all night waiting for a call/text to say come get me. It was nearly 11 before he texted that he’d be late with no other info…and the previous time he called me at 1.15am expecting a lift.
Thing is I know it was a work thing but I don’t think for a minute all the married men and fathers would be out each week until 1-2am….and the place he said he was going would have been shut. As it was the second week in a row this happened, I expected to know who it is he’s staying out so late with every time…and he never offers this info. I find it annoying :/
Post # 12
Generally speaking I will know who he is going out with, but not the ‘ins and outs’ of when, why, when he’ll be back….. and that’s fine… all I really want to know from him is, do ou expect to be in before I go to bed? Because if not I won’t wait up! 🙂
Post # 13
It’s really interesting to read these comments…thanks ladies:)
Post # 14
I’d be fine if he texted me “staying out late, don’t wait up” or something like that. I’d probably tell him to call if he needed a DD later! If it was uncharacteristic, I might be interested the next morning, but only in a genuinely curious way– I wouldn’t be worried about him doing things he shouldn’t be doing.
EDIT: I would be worried if he said he’d be home at a certain time and more than an hour had passed– would just want a text to be sure he wasn’t in trouble!
Post # 15
Perhaps I need to be more laid back about it! It was uncharacteristic the first time he did it though and to have happened twice in as many weeks makes me curious as to what he’s doing:/ Reading these though i realise I’m probably coming off as untrusting!
Post # 16
Like most other people, it’s good to know when he’s going to be back and if there are any changes to plans. I don’t ask for details on who he is and where he’s going, but I can’t think of an occasion when that information hasn’t been offered freely anyway!