Post # 1
I’m just curious to see what you all think is a bigger ‘life event’. Fiance and I don’t plan on ever having kids, so to us getting married is obviously a really big deal. And I won’t go into it, but we overcame so much to get to this point. We see children as a big life changing event, but sort of see getting married as a bigger deal than having a baby. And we also kind of look at it as though people (for the most part) choose to have kids after getting married, so without the marriage there might not have been any kids.
The random act of meeting someone you WANT to marry, nuturing the relationship to the point of marriage and ultimately making the marriage work seems like a bigger deal and much harder to pull off than getting pregnant.
I guess I’m thinking about this because my wedding is becoming a fertility wedding. We lost the battle on excluding the 10 nieces and nephews under the age of 7. Every couple of weeks another wedding party member or guest announces a pregnancy. I feel like our wedding is being overshadowed by all the kids and pregnancy announcements and it makes me a little sad. I know, kind of selfish, but I can’t help myself.
Haha, I’m thinking I will NOT be the popular opinion here. Thoughts?
Post # 3
They’re both HUGE in seperate ways. I don’t think it has to be either/or.
Post # 4
I want to choose “other”, because I think they are both equally important life-changing events.
I know that when I called family to tell them I’d been accepted to medical school (my biggest life event up to that point), I got trumped by family baby news. No one was even excited about my news because the first grandkid was coming!
Babies are amazing and life changing, but so is starting a new family when a couple comes together to get married. Plus, some opt not to have children. Does that make them any less of a family? I don’t think so!
So I select “other”!
Post # 5
I think it depends on where you are in your life. Weddings are more important but once you have kids, I think that becomes a “bigger” deal. Most people don’t say getting married was a better/happier day than having babies (ok that lady on Platinum Weddings said that!) and say that the day they had their kid was the best. But I think people who are married get a “been there done that” attitude and let the baby deal overshadow it. Babies are “more” permanent I guess? “More” life changing? a majillion more factors, lol.
For me, now, the wedding si more important. In 5 years it will not be. But I would be upset, too, if everybody’s pregnancies were bering announced> It’s natural to feel a ilttle overshadowed.
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I think they’re both huge life events and that they really can’t be compared! I vote that they’re pretty equal.
Post # 7
Both, but in different ways. They both require a lifetime commitments.
Post # 8
If I HAD to choose, I’d choose baby. I mean, getting married is a big deal but marriages can be annulled/ended with divorce. You’re kind of stuck with a kid for life, like it or not–that’s a MAJOR difference!
Anything that comes with a socially acceptable “out” versus no socially acceptable “out” is probably going to be a little more flexible and thus maybe not as life-altering.
(Note: I am not sure we’ll ever have kids, either. We want kids, but we want them much later, and want to achieve certain goals first. So I’m with you– we may miss out on that experience.)
Post # 9
i think they’re both huge. but if it’s an either/or, in terms of lifestyle changes, i think pregnancy is bigger. but i say this because most couples in my social circle already live together before marraige, so the wedding really just formalizes a commitment that is already there and celebrates joining the families. but really–i’m already a part of my fi’s family, he’s part of mine, and we’ve been committed to one another and our joint future for long before we were engaged. but kids change everything about your daily life and your worldview.
Post # 10
I guess if you are doing baby vs wedding, then baby because it’s not just getting pregnant; that part is easy ;-). It’s the actual raising of the child, the nurturing and care for another human being. It’s being responsible for someone else’s life wholly and totally that makes having a baby such a big deal. But I think getting married is a big deal too. It’s a semi-unpopular opinion (but one the Catholic church oddly agrees with) that when/if you have kids then you should always love your spouse more than your kids. So I agree with pp that they are both big deals in different ways. And if you don’t plan on having kids, then yes, your wedding will probably be the biggest life event for you. But then again maybe not. Maybe you will win the lottery some day ;-).
Post # 11
I do think that both are very big life changing events, but the baby wins out for me. I’m not a mom (yet), but I feel that when you get married, yes, it’s an adjustment. But, I also think that while it’s your comittment to each other to love them for the rest of your life, you can always undo it legally. With a baby, you are responsible for a person. An actual human being…and to me, I think that’s a much bigger deal. Was my wedding a huge deal? Absolutely! But I think the baby trumps that b/c you’re responsible for raising a little person.
Post # 12
If I had to choose, I would say having a baby. Basically because once it happens, there’s no turning back. As far as getting married goes – people get divorced every day…
Post # 13
I’m liking all the ‘other’ responses. I mean, every time I hear a pregnancy announcement I get really excited, I think it’s a really big deal. And obviously very permanent and a lot more responsibility than being married you could argue.
I think I’m just down b/c of all the announcements overshadowing my wedding. We’re getting married in our late 20’s so everyone our age who has been married for a few years already are like “You chose pink flowers? that’s great… Guess what I”m Pregnant!!”
So it got me thinking about what people in general perceive to be a bigger deal.
Post # 14
I think they are both huge milestones, but the baby changes your life so much more.
Post # 15
To me, getting pregnant is a way bigger deal… I feel it will totally change my life and probably also our relationship, and there is no going back. Getting married will be a slight change (I’m guessing) – since we already live together the day to day will be very similar to how it is right now. The change will be emotional/mental, it will not affect how I spend every waking minute the same way having a little baby does.
Post # 16
Well, since I’ve done both, I have to say – the wedding is not as big of a deal as giving birth, BUT the marriage has to be as big of a deal as having a child for the family to work. The wedding is the icing on the cake of getting married. It’s a big day, a big deal, and a great event to share your love with your family, to be sure. But giving birth – being pregnant and having your child – is a bigger deal. (As in, you can’t have a child without the event of “giving birth,” but you can have a marriage without a wedding.)