- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
From a bridesmaid post somewhere else on the bee:
She has always been a selfish individual, plus is a major drama queen. Also she is a very two faced person who will smile at you then tell you off to someone else.
In the time that I have been part of this community, I have read so many posts about “friends” who are not stepping up/doing mean things/treating people terribly. I am not sure of the point of this beyond hoping that some of you bees with all the friend and Bridesmaid or Best Man drama really evaluate who gets elite status in your life.
I grew up in a mean girl environment and found the same in college. There was a lot of gossiping, arguing and generally not actually liking each other. As I moved into my 20s, I found myself still caught in that same pattern and decided that I was the one allowing this into my life. At that point, I made a rule: if you do not add more than you detract, if you are not supportive and kind even in disagreement and if we do not laugh and enjoy each other 90% of the time– I do not have room for you as a friend. Sure, we can meet for a drink here and there and you will totally be invited to my parties and out to happy hour. BUT you are not a soul friend. You will not be in my wedding and perhaps not even on the short list for an invite.
This works for me. My best friends are those I have known for most of my life. I know they love me, I can be my truest self and share everything without fear. I have added 2 friends to that list but they were gained over time and are solid and worthy.
As I see bees write about their closest friend bridesmaid who may not make it to the wedding after all*, and their friend who is two faced and gossipy and puts everyone down I want to yell: THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. They are in your life because it is convenient more than anything. There is a difference between an acquaintance and a friend and we have space for a lot of acquaintances.
The common thread for my very best friends is that:
1. I can share anything with no shame. I know I won’t be judged. Importantly: I want to share everything with them.
2. It’s recipricol- they share. Sometimes things are more about me. Sometimes things are more about them. It all balances.
3. Seeing them feels like going home. None of these friends lives in my city. I see them infrequently, talk to some daily and others monthly. It doesn’t matter. It feels right.
So, bees, what are your friendships like? Do you have frenemies?
*major life events, distance excluded