(Closed) What is a good time frame for engagement?

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Haha, don’t judge, and be happy for them! 🙂

I think it’s different for every couple, really.

Post # 4
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it depends on how old you are.  I think the older / more mature /experienced you are the better you know yourself, the easier it is to spot potential problems and dealbreakers and identify the characteristics you really care about. 

Even so, I think its just insane for anyone, at any age, to get engaged in less than a year.  What’s the rush? 

Post # 5
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I’d judge too, I have friends who have done this, and either they dated for longer than they thought or they didn’t work out (but I also know plenty of love at first sight and quick engagement stories as well).  I think part of your job as a friend is to worry.  I’d support my friend in whatever her decision was but I’m not going to pretend I’m not worried she’s jumping into something too quickly if I am worried about it (though for the one girl I’m thinking about I also avoided saying anything too often.)

For my husband and I he told me he was going to marry me before we even started dating.  But we had a lot of growing up to do and figuring stuff out, so even though he started out with the I’m going to marry you, it still took us four years to get around to the engagement.

Post # 6
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Whoa, three weeks?  That just sounds like the ‘head over heels’ can’t think straight stage of a relationship.  But, who knows what will happen… Just makes me think of a girl I knew who went on three dates with a guy and then he took her to England for his brother’s wedding and to meet his parents.  They were inseperable for a month and it was like a fairy tale.  Until he dropped off the face of the earth for absolutely NO reason. 

 

Post # 7
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that’s insane.

But sometimes, it works out. The odds are definitely against you, but sometimes it does. Here’s hoping they have a long engagement!

Post # 8
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ok, I’ll be honest: If my friend was dating someone for only 3 weeks and seriously talking marriage, I’d judge! But mostly just because really, I would be nervous/worried for her. Most everyone is on their best behavior on the first few dates/weeks/months of dating – I don’t think you really can get to know a person that quickly. I would be especially worried for her if this was her first serious boyfriend.

If my friend got engaged that quickly, I would hope they would have a long engagement so that they really talked through everything (and spent enough time with each other long enough to know whether what the other person said was just talk, or not).

Post # 10
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I have a couple of friends who only dated four months (I think) before he proposed. They have now been happily married for 3 years now. On the other hand my Darling Husband and I dated 4 years before he proposed. I think it just comes down to the couple and every couple is different.

Post # 11
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

totally agree with pp i would be kind of worried also..how well could they possibly know eachother

Post # 12
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ohh I hate that I am saying this and I really hope no one gets upset. But do you think that your friend has seen your recent engagement and wants all of the happiness/ attention etc that you are getting?

I think 3 weeks is not enough because you are still in that lovey dovey dating phase. I think that at the very least 6 months.

Post # 13
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My Fiance and I were engaged in just under a year. We’re both 30 and knew it was right. However, I did tell him that I wanted us to have some big “firsts” before we got engaged. Stuff like fights, dealing with money, meeting friends and parents – all these things are major life issues!

Admittedly, I would NEVER have gotten engaged so quickly when I was younger. This, however, is just RIGHT. 😀

Post # 14
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I definitely think its different in every situation. But IMO in no situation is 3 weeks acceptable. That is the reason our divorce rate is so high. 

I always think that you shouldn’t even get engaged when you’re in the honeymoon phase. Its once that phase is over and you start noticing all their annoying habits or start getting grumpy at them for small things. If you still love eachother and accept eachother when that stuff starts to happen then its time to start thinking about it. Ha ha

Post # 15
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I would like to say that I’m a good person and that I wouldn’t judge, but that would be a lie.  I’m totally judging your friend right now, and I think she’s insane.

I think one of the most wonderful things about my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I – and also one of the reasons we love each other so much and know each other so well – is that we have eight years of history together.  No, we haven’t dated for all of that time (or even half of it!), but it gives us a reference of what we’ve each been like at different points in our lives, and it lets us know what parts of each other are aspects that will last instead of just traits at one specific time in our lives.  I can’t imagine vowing to spend my life with someone I didn’t have at least a little bit of history with.  I’d say that six months is the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM, but I still think that between two to three years of dating is the best.

Post # 16
Member
759 posts
Busy bee

I’m not going to lie – I would judge too.  I just don’t think 3 weeks is long enough to really know if you want to be with someone forever. 

However, I have a friend who first met her current husband at a wedding and just KNEW he would be the one she would marry.  They talked on the phone a few weeks, met each other one more time and got engaged within a few months!  And 20 years later they are still happily together and very much in love. 

So I guess it can happen but I don’t know too many folks that have known each other less than 6 months before getting engaged.

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