What is a nice way to say only certain children will be invited to the wedding?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Agreeing with the other bees, don’t even say anything at all. Each invitation should include who is specifically invited. They won’t even know other children were invited and not theirs until they arrive at the wedding or call other family members, at which point it is a mute point and rude to say anything to you. If someone asks after the fact, you can explain your reasons like the safety of the venue and limited space or seats, etc. 

Post # 17
Member
6299 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Just wanted to reply that I think it is wise to have an explicit statement about who are the children invited which, by default, clarifies who are not. A lot of the rules of etiquette that people adhere to for weddings have fallen out of common use in other arenas of our society. So a lot of people do not know that the ONLY people invited to an event are those whose names have been explicitly listed on an invite (or them plus a plus one when noted). To avoid having to explain your rule to a bunch of people who either reach out to find out why their child’s name wasn’t included on the invitation OR who send in their RSVP with their children’s names and food requests written in, I think you should say:

“Due to space restraints, we will only be able to accommodate children over 12 of immediate family or members of the bridal party. Their names are included on your invitations.”

Post # 18
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee

breebee324 :  you’ll definitely insult a few people when they had to leave their kids at home but see other kids at your wedding. Just be prepared for that!

Post # 19
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

Don’t worry about insulting people.   At the end of the day it’s an expensive event and some venue aren’t that kid friendly (expensive objects)  and if they have an issue with it so be it 

Post # 20
Member
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think people will be offended no matter how you phrase it. Personally, I prefer weddings with no children. I don’t like it when they are at my table or on the dance floor. My big question is who’s caring for the bridal party’s kids? Are you having just a sweetheart table? Are spouses or parents who are not in the party carrying the load on this day?

Post # 21
Member
7059 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

There doesn’t need to be some big to-do over it. Only those whose names are addressed are invited. If anyone tries to RSVP with extra people you just contact them and say “I’m sorry there seems to have been an misunderstanding, the invite was only for x & y. Please let me know if the two of you will still be attending.”

Post # 22
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

As mentioned by previous posters, just be careful with the over 12 rule if it will mean some kids from a family are excluded. We ran into that issue with my side of the family which had a wide age range, so we chose to exclude them all rather than an arbitrary age cutoff. 

It’s your wedding, and your guest list so feel free to invite or exclude whoever you want, just be prepared to correct people that may assume their little one is invited, or be prepared for parents to decline if they can’t bring the entire family. 

Post # 23
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I wouldn’t make a big show of who isn’t invited. Just address the invite to the Jones family (If you want to include kids) versus, Mr. And Mrs. Jones (If you don’t) I also wouldn’t be overly worried about offending somebody. We picked and chose which kids to invite. We invited my nieces and cousins on both sides who we had a close relationship with but not friends kids. 

Post # 24
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree with PP, you don’t have to say anything just don’t include the children’s names on the invite and make it clear that only x amount of seats will be reserved for the invitee.  I don’t agree with the all or nothing mindset because yes you may offend some people but in the end who cares its your wedding and its what you want people need to get over themselves and if they want to celebrate with you they need to do it the way you want or dont come (which will be cheaper for you anyway).  We are only having our son, nephew and neices because they are in party.  If people have a problem with this – we genuinely will not care 🙂

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