(Closed) What is an appropriate time to wait between weddings? (Long…)

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Is 6 weeks enough time between weddings?
    No, you are stepping on her toes. Wait until 2011 to be married. : (13 votes)
    14 %
    Yes, it is ample time. Continue with your July 2010 plans. : (83 votes)
    86 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Geebus. I really hate when brides get all ridiculous about their date and people stealing from them.

    Send her back a reply and say, “i’m sorry. We really don’t think my grandparents will be able to make our wedding if we wait that long to have it”.I think she’s being disrespectful by NOT taking this into consideration. Emphasize it.

    6 weeks is NOT too soon. She’s being way too uptight in my opinion.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Your SIL needs to get over herself.  A bride gets one day.  She does not own the week, month, season, or year surrounding her wedding and cannot expect that other people’s major life decisions will revolve around her wedding.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    That’s really surprising that she’s being so unreasonable if she’s usually laid back.  Does she realize that you are having such a small wedding?  I mean there’s really no way your event will “compete” with her’s.  She can’t really expect that no one else in her life will get married just because she is.

    I would send her another message and assure her that you were not trying to be disrespectful at all, and tell her that really while you are getting married, you aren’t really having a wedding (Really, you are, but just frame it this way for her).  Then I would try to enlist her parents.  Give her some time and have a couple other people try to gently tell her that she’s not really going to lose her spotlight, and I think she’ll come around.

    Post # 7
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Hopefully her Fiance will knock some sense into her. She must have Bridal Brain and usually men are quite rational. Because seriously…25 people wedding and she’s getting her panties in a bunch over this? I want to shake her for you.

    Post # 8
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think you’re totally reasonable.  But maybe she has some fears – is his family far away so they will only be able to come to one?  Does she think that you’re going to ask her to do so much that she won’t have time to get her preparations done or maybe her mom won’t be available for her until yours is over?  (Though I just reread that she’s a stepsister so maybe that doesn’t apply)  Try to think if any of that is likely, and if so find ways to reassure her.  Probably she’s partly just surprised; you’ve changed her vision of the next few months, and she doesn’t realize she’s being selfish.  Your Fiance should be talking to her and giving her a little wake-up call, definitely stressing your feelings about grandparents.  It may be easier coming from him, and then afterwards you could try to get her excited about it – it could be a really fun summer.  If you look at it right, you’re not supplanting her, you’re joining her!  While she’s not right and maybe she’s just being petty, being gentle about this is probably worth it for your future relationship, because she’s unlikely to be going anywhere.  Also, she can’t possibly think that you will overshadow her.  People at her wedding will be interested in you, but it’s pretty hard to take the spotlight away from the bride and groom, and you won’t even be trying to. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    I’d tell you to go ahead with your plans for a July 2010 wedding even if you were planning a giant 500 guest blowout.  She’s getting married when it’s right for her; you get married when it’s right for you.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2819 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    While 6 weeks is totally enough, especially for a wedding where (I assume) everyone is from in-town and is close family. However, I think what she might be more put-off about is that your wedding was supposed to be AFTER hers, and now it’s suddenly BEFORE hers. Even though I’m not normally the type to get upset about dates, and probably wouldn’t be all bitchy and tell you you couldn’t have your wedding then, that would bug me. Then again, if she got engaged after you and still set her date before yours, and now she’s complaining about you doing (almost, but not quite) the same thing, I would say screw her.

    In short, whatever. She’ll get over it in the long run, and if she doesn’t is she really the type of person you want to be friends with? So, mainly for the grandparent reason (I hear you on that one, I really do), I would say move the wedding up. And give that reason to her as an excuse if she continues to be difficult — that should shut her up fast.

    Post # 12
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    So you have 3 overlapping guests?!

    Post # 13
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I agree with the other posters, you are being 100% reasonable.  My fiance and I set our date for October 2010, and then about half a year after we got engaged, two close friends got engaged and set their dates — one five weeks before ours, and the other six.  I have to travel cross-country for both of these weddings, however I still did not find these choices to be rude or disrespectful.  Marriage is not a race to see who can get to the altar the soonest!  I think she’s lost sight of the point of weddings.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t really understand why brides get all bent outta shape about their wedding date being the only one allowed in a month, or in a season.  I think its kinda selfish.  I say that 6 weeks is fine.  She’ll still be able to be the center of attention for awhile.  Geez!  Women are so silly sometimes!

    Post # 15
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I agree with the other posters, she is being unreasonable. Especially when we all get to the marrying age, we have to be realistic about the fact that our friends and cousins and siblings are probably going to be married around the same time (especially in the summer–there are only so many weekends in the summer, after all). My cousin was married two weeks before my sister who was married one week before my BIL’s best friend. It’s normal for weddings to be close together I think!

    Post # 16
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    The ONLY reason I could see her getting upset about this is if your FI’s mom (her step mom, if I’m following) is very involved in her planning and she thinks that she’ll switch to being involved in your planning and leave her in the dust? Maybe she doesn’t want his family to be “all about your wedding” until only 6 weeks before hers? 

    I don’t think that is reasonable AT ALL but thats the only thing I can think of. In my family my brother is getting married this August and I really wanted to get married in September or October but we decided to wait until February because (among other reasons) I really wanted my own time with my mom in planning. Until their wedding, because its closer, their wedding is always going to be top priority in her mind and my stuff is kind of put on hold a bit. I knew that is how it would be so I put my wedding off enough so that once their wedding is over I’ll still have plenty of time with my mom for planning and stuff. So I guess if they moved their wedding to 6 weeks before mine I’d be a bit annoyed… but that is just my family dynamic. Also, if they had such a valid reason I would never tell them they shouldn’t do it. I’d bitch to my Maid/Matron of Honor for 2 days then get over it. 

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